May 3, 2014 · 9:04 am

Giving a Stranger Directions

I had a closing shift at work the other night and got out late. It was nearly midnight by the time I got to the subway station. All I wanted was to catch the first train and get home as soon as possible. As I was waiting for the train, a tourist came up to me and asked me how to get to his hotel. He told me the cross streets and showed me the general vicinity on a paper map that he was carrying. The map didn’t show any transit lines so I busted out Google Maps on my iPhone to find out the best way to get there. I found out the best route for him to take, and it turns out that my train was going his way. So I told him to follow me and I would tell him where and when to get off. I showed him the route that Google Maps recommended and handwrote the directions onto his paper map. We got to his stop, I pointed the way for him to walk, and I wished him luck. He thanked me a thousand times and I told him not to worry about it a thousand times. Giving a stranger directions is good karma. Especially when you take the time to give him the right directions. I should go buy a lotto ticket and capitalize.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 3, 2014 · 9:02 am

NightTime (beer)

Petaluma’s Lagunitas Brewing Company consistently brews amazing craft beers, and they’ve done it again with NightTime. NightTime is a limited release American Black Ale with an 8.2% ABV. It pours a dark brown, almost black color with a thin tan head. It has a mellow aroma of citrus hops, pineapple, mango, and pine. The taste is a nice balance between citrus and pine hops and roasted malt, with some spice and maybe a little rye. It’s bitter, sweet, smooth, and dry. Black Ales aren’t my go-to brew, but NightTime is a very solid and enjoyable beer. I would get it again, and then I’d get another bottle after that. Then I would try a different beer. Life’s too short to stick to only one.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 2, 2014 · 10:04 am

Vertical Filming

Vertical filming is when you record a video on your smartphone without first rotating it 90 degrees. The end result is a tall and narrow video that doesn’t look natural. We see in landscape mode, not portrait mode. Movies and TV shows are often shot in widescreen. That’s what your eye wants to see. So the next time your friend does a drunken dance, flip your phone 90 degrees and record her shenanigans horizontally. You’ll notice you get a lot more hits on YouTube and more shares on Facebook. Film horizontally and save the world.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 2, 2014 · 10:02 am

Sock Knocker (beer)

Sock Knocker is an Imperial India Pale Ale from the Coronado Brewing Company in Coronado, California. It pours a golden orange color with a thick foamy off-white head. The aroma is mostly pine and citrus hops. I also get grapefruit, orange, orange peel, and malt. The taste is as you would expect. It’s hoppy. It’s bitter. It’s delicious. There’s a lot of citrus, pine, resin, and a little malt creaminess. It’s 8.5% alcohol. It’s a satisfying craft IPA, but it really won’t knock your socks off. They lied to you.

Critically Rated at 12/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 1, 2014 · 11:34 am

Pedestrian Racing

Pedestrian racing is when you try to outwalk the other pedestrians on a crowded sidewalk. It’s human nature to compete with each other and you might not even be aware that you’re doing it, but the truth is that you’re constantly pedestrian racing. Watch any city sidewalk during rush hour and notice how everyone is racing each other, trying to get to their destination slightly faster than everyone else. You walk at a normal pace on an empty sidewalk, but you increase your stride with each additional pedestrian. You walk around old people and people talking on their phones and tourists taking pictures. You speed up and walk past slow-moving families and try to keep pace with the businessman rushing to a meeting. You don’t want anybody to walk faster than you. You want to be the best. Keep racing pedestrians and one day you could be.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 1, 2014 · 11:33 am

Hickeys

Hickeys are bruises that are caused by kissing or sucking. Neck hickeys are the most common, but there are lots of other types of hickeys. Boob hickeys and thigh hickeys are some of the better ones. A hickey is a badge of honor when you’re a teenager, but they start to lose their appeal as you get older. You reach a certain point where you feel compelled to hide them with a turtleneck or a scarf, or you avoid neck sucking all together. And that’s a shame too, because sucking on a neck is always fun. Insert your own vampire joke here, I’m too lazy to think of a good one.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 30, 2014 · 1:54 pm

Drunken Migration

A drunken migration is when three or more drunk people attempt to go from one place to another. It’s always a shit show and it becomes more chaotic with each additional drunk. A three-minute walk to Jack in the Box becomes a half-hour excursion and someone always gets lost or turns up missing. A bunch of drunk people trying to get anywhere is like the blind leading the blind. You need to have a leader, someone who knows the way and isn’t afraid to take charge. The leader has to act like a shepherd and they have to wrangle up all the drunks and keep them moving and under control. But the leader is drunk too, so progress is minimal. But you feel so accomplished once you get to your destination.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 30, 2014 · 1:52 pm

Julian Hard Cider Cherry Bomb

I’m not much of a cider drinker. I prefer craft beers. But I will still drink a cider from time to time to mix things up. Today I decided to mix things up. I got a Julian Hard Cider Cherry Bomb from California’s Julian Hard Cider. It’s a premium American hard cider with cherry flavor. It pours a deep blood red color with a minimal white head with very mild carbonation. It almost looks like cranberry juice until you notice the tiny bubbles. It tastes like cherry pie filling. It’s sweet, sour, and very satisfying. Plus it has a 6.99% alcohol content which is nothing to scoff at. Simply put, this will get you drunk. And it tastes like candy so you won’t notice that you’re getting drunk until its too late and you can’t find your phone. This is a good cider. I still prefer beer.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 29, 2014 · 1:54 pm

A Nice Day in San Francisco

I’m trying to find something to write about, but it’s extremely difficult because it’s perfect outside. People shit on San Francisco’s weather. They say that it’s cold and foggy all the time. And that’s mostly true, but we do get nice days every once in a while. A nice day in San Francisco is a blessing and everyone takes advantage of it. They turn off the TV and go outside to feel the warmth of the sun. Everyone goes to the beach or to the park. They ride bikes and go for hikes. The girls wear skimpy clothes. I lived in Los Angeles, where good weather is year round and they take it for granted. They don’t care that the sun is shining. They drive to the tanning salon while blasting the air conditioner. The girls wear skimpy clothes, but that’s because they are slutty not weather conscious. They don’t appreciate good weather because they have it all the time. A nice day in San Francisco is something that you can’t afford to squander. That makes it more worthwhile.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 29, 2014 · 1:52 pm

Pine Mountain Pilsner

Deschutes Brewery & Public House is one of Oregon’s best breweries, and they have a lot of good breweries in Oregon. Pine Mountain Pilsner is a crisp and refreshing spring release, perfect for day drinking. It pours a clear golden yellow with a nice frothy head. There’s not much of an aroma compared to a stout or IPA. I get hints of hops, grass, spice, some florals, and a little pine. The taste is of bitter hops with a light malt flavor to balance it out. There is some grass, pine, bread, and spice. It’s very smooth and drinkable. It has a 5.2% ABV so feel free to have more than one.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 28, 2014 · 1:16 pm

Dodgeball (game)

Dodgeball is one of the best games you played in gym class. Rules vary from schoolyard to schoolyard, but the rules are generally the same. Two teams hurl balls at each other, trying to peg the opposing players while trying to avoid getting pegged in return. If you get pegged, you’re out. If you catch a ball without it hitting the ground, the person who threw it is out and one of your teammates can come back in. The game is over when all of the players on a team are out. Then you switch sides and play again. Dodgeball victories are decided by winning the majority of games in a series, usually best of five or best of seven. Hitting someone in the face or head is called headhunting. It’s pretty satisfying to smack someone directly in face with a rubber ball, but it doesn’t count and you’ll be called out as punishment. You either love dodgeball or you hate it. There is no in-between.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 28, 2014 · 1:12 pm

Now You See Me (film)

Now You See Me is a 2013 heist flick, but with magicians instead of bank robbers. Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Isla Fisher, and Dave Franco star as The Four Horsemen, street magicians who were brought together by a mysterious benefactor. They have a hugely successful show in Las Vegas, but they really hit the big time when they seemingly rob a bank in Paris during one of their shows. This gets the attention the FBI and Interpol, and then it becomes a cat and mouse game as The Four Horsemen attempt a few more magical robberies while the authorities try to figure how to stop them.

There’s lots of plot twists and shocking character revelations, but it’s a pretty by the numbers caper film. It’s kind of like Ocean’s Eleven meets The Prestige. There are multiple heists, people on both sides trying to outwit each other, and there’s an over the top action sequence that seems totally out of place. It’s an entertaining flick, but it’s pretty hollow. They use to many computer-generated special effects. They should have stuck to practical effects like how real stage magicians perform their tricks. At one point Isla Fisher floats around the stage in a CG bubble. That’s not a trick and that’s not impressive.

And there are way too many characters to keep track of or care about. Mark Ruffalo and Mélanie Laurent play the cops tracking down The Four Horsemen. Morgan Freeman plays a rival magician who exposes tricks and who helps the authorities. Michael Caine plays an Insurance magnate and the sponsor of The Four Horsemen with a shady past. Common has a supporting role as an FBI supervisor.

Now You See Me is just another Hollywood blockbuster that pretends to be smarter than it is. And it’s getting a sequel. It’s a franchise now. Bank robbing magician flicks are suddenly a genre. What is the world coming to?

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 27, 2014 · 1:35 pm

Cutting In Line

Cutting in line is when you enter a line or a queue instead of waiting at the end like you’re supposed to. Nobody wants to wait in line. Waiting sucks. Cutting in line is so much more convenient. If you cut in line, you should expect other people to get pissed off. They have the right to, so you have to make it look like you’re not really cutting. There are a few tricks and techniques to avoid angering the other people waiting. I’ve discovered that coffee works really well for line cutting. If you have two or three friends waiting in line and you plan on joining them, you should bring a few cups of coffee so it looks like you were on a caffeine run for the group. Or you can pretend that you finally found a parking spot. Cutting in line is a social taboo that everyone does, but you only object to line cutters when you are behind them. You hypocrite.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 27, 2014 · 1:32 pm

The Core Is a Myth

I’m a fan of life hacks, those nifty little tricks that make you better at life. Like did you know that you were eating apples wrong your whole life? You probably take an apple, bite into the side of it, and work your way around until all you have left is the apple core. But that’s the wrong way to do it because the core is a myth. There is no core. Only seeds. And you can spit those out. You can eat the entire apple, save for the stem. Seriously. Watch the video below if you don’t believe me. Try it for yourself to verify. The core is a myth. You’ll never look at an apple the same way again.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 26, 2014 · 9:26 pm

A Pug Watching the End of Homeward Bound

Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey is a classic family film about two dogs and a cat traversing the wilderness and finding their way home. It’s a sappy flick that requires a suspension of disbelief to be able to enjoy it. You have no heart if you don’t sympathize with the dramatic climax where all the pets come home. It’s emotional. It’s universal. And you need no further proof than by seeing a pug watching the end of Homeward Bound. This pug know all the emotional moments. He knows exactly what is going on. He’s able to sympathize with Shadow, Chance, and Sassy. Lots of people claim that their dog actually watches TV. This proves that dogs not only watch TV, but they are aware of what happens on TV. I don’t know if that is significant, but it’s got to mean something.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 26, 2014 · 9:17 am

Jon Stewart

I don’t really feel bad for Jon Stewart. Not really. He’s rich, respected, famous, funny, smart, and successful. He took over as host of the The Daily Show after Craig Kilborn left, and more importantly, he made that show his own. He gave it a new direction, a new voice, and America took notice. He won Emmys. He wrote best-selling books. And he let other comedians get an opportunity to be seen on his show. Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert come to mind. They both had segments on The Daily Show that led to careers in film and TV that surpass Stewart’s own career. Steve Carell got the lead in NBC’s hit show The Office, and network shows mean huge paychecks. He also became a hit on the big screen with The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Anchorman. Stephen Colbert became Stephen Colbert, and got his own show right after The Daily Show. He became even more popular and influential, and now he’s going to replace David Letterman when he retires.  And Jon Stewart can only grit his teeth, pretend to smile, and ignore the fact that he launched their careers while he remains on basic cable. Even John Oliver has a show on HBO now. That’s premium cable. Premium. Jon Stewart is far more accomplished than I could ever hope to be, but he has to be jealous of the Stevphens.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 25, 2014 · 8:44 am

Flipping the Bird

Flipping the bird is when you extend your middle finger to someone. It’s a way of saying “FUCK YOU!” without using your voice. Most cases of road rage involve somebody flipping someone else off. You’ll get cut off and have no other way of expressing your anger than by flipping that motherfucker off. Then they flip you off and swerve into your lane and shit starts to escalate. Who knew that a simple hand gesture could lead to so much devastation? Remember that it’s flipping the bird. Some people say flicking the bird or that they flicked you off. Those people deserve to be flipped off. They don’t realize that flick doesn’t make any sense in that scenario. You’re insulting somebody, not trying to get rid of a booger. Get it right or don’t do it.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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