Tag Archives: group

Discovering a New Band

I’m thirty years old now and I’m set in my ways. I know what I like and I like what I know. So I end up listening to a lot of the bands and artists that I liked in high school and college. But hearing the same things over and over again eventually gets stale and I feel compelled to branch out, to experience new sounds. Discovering a new band you like is a great feeling (new to you, not necessarily a recently formed band). I have a friend who doubles as my concert buddy. It’s a pretty awesome arrangement. She is young and hip and loves music. She finds bands that she thinks I will like, tells me to listen to them, gets me addicted to them, and then tells me that they are playing a show nearby because she knows that I will want to see them live and she has someone to go to the concert with. Diabolical, I know. Discovering a new band is like making a new friend. You instantly like them, feel a connection, and forge a bond. It’s not something you should take for granted. Good things don’t happen all the time, ya know.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Wrath of Ones

There are special names for groups of things. It’s a school of fish, a pride of lions, a murder of crows. I propose that we call a bunch of one-dollar bills a wrath of ones. No server or stripper wants to deal with a wad of ones. It’s a hassle. You can’t do much with a dollar today. You have to go to the bank and deposit them on a regular basis. You can only go on so many shopping sprees at the dollar store. Shit gets old after a while. It should be called a wrath of ones because that’s precisely what it is. It’s a curse. It’s why people prefer credit cards over cash.
Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Personalities in Every Group of Friends

It seems like every group of friends has the same stereotypes. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from, we all have the same types of friends. Some of the personalities might overlap, but they are all represented.

There’s the leader. He (or she) is the most popular one. He’s the glue that keeps the group together. It’s not an event if he’s not there. He’s your best friend but you’re not necessarily his. He’s too busy to have just one.

There’s the funny one. He’s the one constantly cracking jokes and keeping everyone entertained. No party is complete without him. It’s hard to take him seriously, but he makes the group fun to be with.

Every group has its oddball, the weird one who doesn’t quite fit in. He’s the scapegoat, the butt of all the jokes, but he’s still integral to the group. He’s Screech and you keep him around to blame when shit goes wrong.

There’s the intimidator. He’s the one that gets the group in trouble. He’s the rowdy one, the one that instigates fights with other groups. He’s kind of a bully but he’s fiercely loyal to the group, and he’s always willing to take a punch for you.

You have the slutty one. This is the one that hooks up with the most people. He gets around and you live vicariously through him. He’s never in a relationship but he always has somebody to fuck. He makes for a good wingman, so long as he doesn’t want the one that you want.

There’s the occasional. He’s like an alternate. He’s there for some events and he’s not missed for others. He’s a social butterfly and always has another group or groups of friends that he brings together when it’s time to party.

There’s always a nerd. The nerd is the smart one that everyone exploits. He’s not that fun to hang out with, but he’s always down to help you with homework or file your taxes. You kind of use him, but he’s willing to be used as long as he’s part of the group.

The mover is an important member. This is the guy that always comes up with something to do. He finds the obscure events and gets the group involved. He plans parties and outings and always has a connection for tickets or clubs.

You have to have a sympathetic friend. The one that listens to everyone and dispenses the best advice. He’s the one that you can always rely on when you need somebody’s help. He’s there to help you move, he’s there to pick you up from the airport, and he’s there when you need to vent.

Each group has a downer, the one that bitches and complains and brings everyone down. He’s part of the group, but barely. Nobody really likes him but they keep him around for one reason or another. Maybe he has a cool car, maybe he has a family cabin that he lets everyone use.

So that’s my list of the personalities in every group of friends. Which one are you?

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
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Drunken Migration

A drunken migration is when three or more drunk people attempt to go from one place to another. It’s always a shit show and it becomes more chaotic with each additional drunk. A three-minute walk to Jack in the Box becomes a half-hour excursion and someone always gets lost or turns up missing. A bunch of drunk people trying to get anywhere is like the blind leading the blind. You need to have a leader, someone who knows the way and isn’t afraid to take charge. The leader has to act like a shepherd and they have to wrangle up all the drunks and keep them moving and under control. But the leader is drunk too, so progress is minimal. But you feel so accomplished once you get to your destination.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Holding Down the Fort

You’re with a group of friends at a concert, or the movies, or at the bar, and you mark your territory. This is your spot, and it’s going to be for the next few hours. Whenever you’re with a group and you lay claim to a place, you have to protect your turf. You always have to leave somebody to hold down the fort. It’s important that you always leave one or two people from your group in your spot so that nobody else takes it over or steals your shit. Holding down the fort allows the people in your group to go to the bathroom, get more drinks, smoke outside, or to meet back up with everyone if they get separated. Everyone should take turns holding down the fort, just like everyone should take turns buying rounds. Holding down the fort is an essential part of hanging out with friends in public places. You can’t have fun if you don’t have a place to chill.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Goose Hands

Last August I went to the Outside Lands Music and Arts Festival in San Francisco. There were a lot of bands, a few different stages, and thousands and thousands of people walking around. Anyone who has ever been to a festival can attest to how easy it is to lose your friends in the crowd. You look away for a second and they’re gone. Some people carry around sticks, poles, flags or balloons so that their friends can spot them amongst the sea of people. That’s a good idea, but it’s kind of cumbersome to walk around with a ten foot pole. Goose hands are the best alternative to lugging a flag around all day. Then next time someone gets separated from the group, tell them your general vicinity and to look out for the goose hands. Form a good old fashioned duck shadow puppet with your hand, then elevate it over your head and make it quack. Get a few friends to do it too, and the missing member of your group will be able to find you without any problem. It’s a great way to locate your group or guide your lost friend back to your spot. It’s easier to push your way through a crowd if you know where you’re going. Goose hands… try them at your next concert. It will change your life.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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