Category Archives: Drinks

Beer, soda, and other fun fluids you put in your mouth.

August 25, 2013 · 8:46 am

Keg Stand

No kegger is complete without a keg stand. That’s when you do a handstand on a keg of beer and attempt to drink as much as you can while upside down. Someone puts the keg tap in your mouth for you; other people hold onto your legs for support, and everyone else cheers while they wait for their turn. You can turn it into a contest and count out how long each person stays up for. The winner gets drunk, and everybody else does too. It’s a great game. Keg stands can be a little intimidating and you might be reluctant to try it because you don’t want to make a fool of yourself in front of everybody, but you should give in to peer pressure and go for it. You might be the best keg stander in the world, you’ll never know until you do one. Try it. I believe in you.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 23, 2013 · 10:33 am

Beer Bongs

A beer bong is a funnel with a rubber tube attached to it. You put the tube in your mouth, you pour a beer down the funnel, and you either chug the entire beer or spill it all over your shirt. Beer bongs are a fun way to get drunk really fast, just ask any fraternity member or bro. They are a staple of college life, and they still pop up at random parties when shit is raging. I remember I once thought it would be a good idea to bring a beer bong to the beach. We killed a few beers and set the beer bong down for a few minutes to throw a football around. And then we realized that wet beer bongs are sand magnets when we started drinking again. And sand and beer are not a good combination. And throwing up sand is pretty fucking painful. And chicks aren’t impressed with sandy vomit. I learned my lesson. Now I keep my beer bongs confined to house parties. Chicks are okay with regular vomit.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 23, 2013 · 10:31 am

Martinelli’s Sparkling Prickly Passion Lemonade

Martinelli’s is mostly known for their line of non-alcoholic sparkling ciders. You mostly see Martinelli’s around the holidays. The adults get wine and champagne; the kids get Martinelli’s. But they make other products too, and Sparkling Prickly Passion Lemonade is one of them. It’s a blend of filtered water, sugar, lemon, passion fruit, raspberry & prickly pear juices from concentrate. It’s all-natural and lightly carbonated. It reminds me of San Pellegrino, but with a less intense flavor. I got it because I was intrigued by the prickly pear. You don’t see that many beverages that include prickly pear juice. It kind of gets lost because of all the other fruit juices, but I think I could taste it and I think that I like it. I would get Martinelli’s Sparkling Prickly Passion Lemonade again, but it’s kind of hard to find and I’m not going to go searching for it. If I see it again, I’ll grab a few and hoard them.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 20, 2013 · 12:50 pm

Diet Coke with Lime

Diet Coke with Lime is Diet Coca-Cola with lime flavor added to it. I’m not a big fan of diet sodas, but this one is pretty decent. It’s smooth and drinkable and doesn’t have much of an aftertaste. The lime flavor adds a nice, refreshing twist. It makes you wonder why they still haven’t released regular Coke with Lime. That would be even better. And it doesn’t make sense to have a diet alternative to a soda that doesn’t exist. All in all, Diet Coke with Lime is a solid zero-calorie soda that tastes better than regular Diet Coke because it has a citric zest and a less noticeable aftertaste. If I was stuck on an island and had a choice between Diet Coke, Diet Coke with Lime, and a coconut, I would probably choose the Diet Coke with Lime 99% of the time. Every once in a while I would take the coconut.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 13, 2013 · 10:54 am

Starbucks Refreshers Raspberry Pomegranate

Starbucks Refreshers is a line of sparkling green coffee energy drinks that come in a few different flavor varieties. Raspberry Pomegranate seemed to be the most intriguing, so I grabbed it. It’s crisp and bubbly and doesn’t taste like a coffee drink. It tastes like a cheap, low calorie energy drink. It has that weird artificial sweetener aftertaste that lingers on your tongue a little too long. I can taste the raspberry flavor more than the pomegranate, and there are hints of apple and white grape juice as well. It’s a pretty mediocre energy drink. It’s lucky that it has the Starbuck logo on it, because brand recognition is more important than taste. I would only get this again if the store was out of every single other brand of energy drinks. It’s not bad… there are just so many better products out there.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 9, 2013 · 10:06 am

Scheckter’s Organic Energy

Scheckter’s Organic Energy is an organic energy drink that promises to harness the power of nature to get you through the day. It claims to be all natural, all organic, and 100% vegetarian with no artificial sweeteners, no preservatives, no artificial colorants, and no toxic chemicals. Despite all that, it doesn’t taste half bad. It tastes like a typical energy drink, somewhere in between Rockstar and Red Bull. It’s effervescent and crisp, with a slight pomegranate flavor. I’m looking at their website now and it’s called Scheckter’s because it’s named after the founder. But they spell his name two different ways. He’s either Toby Schecter or Toby Scheckter. It’s not a good sign if they can’t decide which one it is. Maybe they should harness the power of spell check. All in all, this is a pretty good energy drink, and I would recommend it to any tired hippie. They love organic shit.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 7, 2013 · 9:51 am

Arizona Georgia Peach

Georgia Peach is an iced tea made by Arizona. It’s green tea with ginseng and peach juice. Arizona Green Tea is already invigorating, and the added peach juice is a nice touch. It’s a nice blend. It’s sweet and peachy, but not overwhelmingly so. It’s only 5% juice, so the green tea is still the main flavor. The peach flavor is just a guest star. It comes in the classic Arizona 99¢ tallboy can, which is always a good deal. It’s the perfect caffeine fix when you want something that’s easily drinkable and refreshing. I like it, I would get it again, and I would even give it out as a birthday gift. But I’m also a cheap ass motherfucker.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 6, 2013 · 9:54 am

A Slow Bartender

It was a shitty day at work the other day, so I went to Happy Hour with a few coworkers. We were in desperate need for a drink, but unfortunately we go stuck with the slowest bartender in the history of the world. We ordered a few cocktails and a couple of beers, and then we started playing the waiting game. We waited as he sauntered around getting the liquors and mixers ready. We waited some more as he gathered up the glassware and started to make the first few drinks. Then we waited as he came back and asked what else we ordered. Then we waited as he made the next few drinks. Then we had to remind him that we also ordered beer, and we had to wait while he poured them from the tap. Then he asked us what we ordered again so that he could ring it in. We didn’t have a complicated order. There wasn’t anything that had to be blended or muddled, just a few simple cocktails and some beers. We had three drinks that were the same, we had two other drinks that were the same, and we had two IPAs. We could tell that he felt bad about taking so long, and he even offered us another round on the house. We had to pass. It would have taken too long, and it wouldn’t have been worth it. Time is the one thing that you can’t get back. If you’re a slow bartender, you are in the wrong profession.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 5, 2013 · 9:38 am

Ordering a Pizza While Drunk

I went to a going-away party the other night and proceeded to get shitfaced with about fifty friends. We were doing shots, drinking cocktails, chugging down beers, and drunk people are known to get hungry. We decided to order a couple of pizzas and that turned into a process. First we had to decide on a place. Then we had to figure out how many people are eating so we would know how many pies to get. Then we had to figure out what toppings you want, and that part took forever because some people are vegetarians and some people are opposed to pineapple and some people can’t eat cheese. It turned into a debate over whether or not to get a meat combo or a veggie combo or a plain cheese pizza, and everyone was drunk so they all have an opinion, and everyone’s opinion was loud. We finally decided on the three pizzas that we would get, and then another argument started over who would call and place the order. Everyone had a lame reason or an excuse over why they couldn’t be the one to call. Eventually I gave in and I called. I didn’t even bother leaving the room full of rowdy drunks, so I had to yell so that the lady could hear me and kept having to ask the lady to repeat herself. After five minutes I finally got the order in, but then we had to collect the money, and that was the biggest hassle of all. Some people had cash, but only big bills that had to be broken. Some people only had cards. Some people had to borrow money from other people. Everyone wanted pizza and that meant some people weren’t going to eat any. Ordering a pizza while drunk is a chore, but eating a pizza while drunk makes it all worthwhile.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 5, 2013 · 9:34 am

Rogue Hazelnut Brown Nectar

Oregon’s Rogue Ales is a popular microbrewery that receives national attention for their great craft brews. Hazelnut Brown Nectar is one of them. It’s award-winning. It says so on the label. It’s an American Brown Ale brewed with hazelnut extract. The hazelnut gives it a nutty aroma, and it also smells of chocolate and spice. It’s has a smooth and creamy mouthfeel, and it tastes of coffee, caramel, hazelnut, with a little bitter hops thrown in for balance. It’s a pretty good brown ale, but I don’t think it’s hazelnutty enough to have to have hazelnut in its name. Sure, you can taste it and smell it, but it doesn’t dominate the beer. The hazelnut is relatively subtle. It has an alcohol content of 6.2% so it makes for a good day drinking beer. It’s something that you can sip on and enjoy. I would pair it with a slice of toast and Nutella.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 4, 2013 · 10:31 am

Pepsi

Pepsi is an American cola that tries (and fails) to compete with Coca-Cola. It’s sweeter and less bitter than Coke, and you can tell the difference between the two if you ever do a blind taste test. It’s not a bad cola, it’s just not Coke. It tries to be hip and cool and more youth-orientated, but it’s been around since 1893 so they can’t keep pretending to be the new guy on the block. Anyway, there are two types of people in the world: Coke people and Pepsi people. Coca-Cola is the number one soda for a reason: it’s better. Pepsi just kind of exists as an alternative. It’s an inferior product for people who want to rebel against the status quo. Hipsters drink Pepsi and nobody wants to be a hipster. I’m not going to judge you if you prefer Pepsi over Coke, but I’ll know that I don’t want to be your friend.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 2, 2013 · 8:34 am

Zymaster Series No. 4: Fort Ross Farmhouse Ale

Anchor Brewing presents Zymaster Series No. 4: Fort Ross Farmhouse Ale, an exciting seasonal brew. It’s described as a Belgian-style farmhouse ale with a California twist. They make it with hops, barley malt, wheat malt, toasted Belgian wheat malt, and a native California plant called Yerba Santa or Holy Herb. The Yerba Santa lends the brew a bitter, spicy flavor that compliments the malty, fruity, undertones. I taste hints of cloves and banana as well. It has an alcohol percentage of 7.2%, and it’s pretty drinkable. If you’re with a group of people and you can’t decide on something dark or something light, this is a pretty decent compromise. It has more flavor than Bud drinkers are used to, but they should experience a real beer every once in a while. And Anchor Brewing Zymaster Series No. 4: Fort Ross Farmhouse Ale is a real beer.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 1, 2013 · 8:42 am

A Cold Beverage in a Hot Glass

A cold beverage in a hot glass is a bad idea. Any server will tell you that that’s a recipe for a cracked glass. Sometimes the glass is so hot and the drink is so cold, that it shatters in your hand while you take it to the table. Hot plus cold equals cracked glass. That’s why you don’t pour hot water over an iced-over windshield. It will crack the glass. It’s simple physics. Two extreme temperatures can’t coexist on a fragile surface. The fastest way to cool down a glass is to turn it upside and run cold water over it. It chills the glass down pretty quickly most of the time, but it’s not foolproof and you can still end up with a broken glass if you’re not careful. Don’t be an idiot and avoid serving a cold beverage in a hot glass.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 31, 2013 · 8:34 am

Rooftop Drinking

Drinking and people watching go together. That’s why rooftop drinking is so popular. Drinking makes you feel big and powerful, and so does watching people from high above. They go hand in hand. It’s fun watching the pedestrians below as they scurry around like ants for your amusement while you sip your nectar and feel like a god. It’s better than drinking on a balcony because you are higher up and have a better view. It’s more exciting, it’s more exhilarating, it’s all about the rooftop. You feel the wind, you see the lights, watch the cars, and take in the sights. Just don’t get too rowdy because gravity still applies. People have been known to fall off roofs and splattering to the pavement can put a damper on the evening. It sucks, but it happens. Be respectful of the edge and you should be all right.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 31, 2013 · 8:32 am

Hubert’s Mango Lemonade

Hubert’s Mango Lemonade is exactly what it sounds like – lemonade fused with mango. My little sister is allergic to mango. She will never experience the joy of this beverage. It only takes one sip to envision yourself laying out underneath a palm tree by the beach. It’s light, crisp, and exotic… the best way to describe it is to say that it tastes like summer. It’s a happy drink. It’s impossible to taste it and feel sad. Unless you’re my little sister and you’re allergic to mango. Everyone else can and should enjoy this beverage. If you’re looking for a lemonade with a tropical twist, then I recommend Hubert’s Mango Lemonade.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 30, 2013 · 9:35 am

8-Ball Stout

8-Ball Stout is an oatmeal stout from the Lost Cost Brewery in Eureka, California. Generally speaking, I’m not a big fan of stouts or porters, but occasionally I will grab one for a change of pace. It has a malty aroma with hints of coffee and chocolate. It tastes of coffee, toasty malts, chocolate, with subtle hints of caramel and a little hops thrown in for good measure. It’s creamy and smooth and is a very enjoyable brew. It has an alcohol content of 5.8%, which is pretty low for a stout. Most stouts are 7-8% or higher. But that just means that you can drink more than one bottle of 8-Ball before you start getting sleepy. If you like coffee and beer, then you like stouts. And if you like stouts, then you should try this one. Right now. What are you waiting for?

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 28, 2013 · 8:06 am

Ordering a Frozen Drink and Complaining That You Can’t Taste the Alcohol

One of the biggest pet peeves for anybody in the service industry is when somebody orders a frozen drink and then complains that they can’t taste the alcohol. No shit you can’t taste it, you just ordered a fucking frozen drink. The colder the drink, the less you can taste the alcohol. Blending booze and ice and sweet mixers is going to make your cocktail taste like a smoothie. It’s a waste of liquor. That’s why most places serve margaritas on the rocks as opposed to blended. There’s no point in getting a savory tequila if you’re not going to savor it. You want to be able to taste the liquor. Sometimes it’s really hot and you feel like a piña colada or strawberry daiquiri. That’s totally acceptable; just don’t complain to the bartender if you think it’s a virgin drink. It’s not. So shut up about it.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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