Tag Archives: tube

Rolo

Rolo is a candy. It has nothing to do with YOLO. Let’s just get that out of the way. A Rolo is a soft chewy caramel covered with milk chocolate. It’s simple, sweet, and delicious. They are packed in a tube, with each bite-sized piece stacked upon each other. It’s not as satisfying as a Snickers bar. You eat one Rolo and you want another one and then another one. It’s good, but you’re never content. That’s how they get you. You just keep popping them into your mouth until they’re all gone. And you don’t really care when they are gone. You should be mad when you run out of candy. But you’re indifferent when you run out of Rolo. They are decent candies, but nobody would ever notice if Rolo was taken off the market tomorrow.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Snacks

Lazy River

A lazy river is a narrow and shallow pool with that flows like a river. They usually form a giant, winding loop. You typically find them at waterparks and nice resorts/hotels. Most of them have a slow moving current, perfect for drifting on with a tube or going for a casual swim. It’s also fun to lounge by the edge of the lazy river, catching some sun and watching a never-ending parade of people going by. Most of them also have waterfalls or fountains thrown in for good measure. It’s always funny watching people in a pool trying to avoid getting wet. Maybe swimming wasn’t such a great choice if you wanted to keep your hair dry. The biggest downside to lazy rivers is that they are really popular, so they are always crowded. And you know that there are a lot of people peeing in it. It might be diluted, but you’re still swimming in a giant toilet. Try not to think about it and don’t swallow the water.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Entertainment

Beer Bongs

A beer bong is a funnel with a rubber tube attached to it. You put the tube in your mouth, you pour a beer down the funnel, and you either chug the entire beer or spill it all over your shirt. Beer bongs are a fun way to get drunk really fast, just ask any fraternity member or bro. They are a staple of college life, and they still pop up at random parties when shit is raging. I remember I once thought it would be a good idea to bring a beer bong to the beach. We killed a few beers and set the beer bong down for a few minutes to throw a football around. And then we realized that wet beer bongs are sand magnets when we started drinking again. And sand and beer are not a good combination. And throwing up sand is pretty fucking painful. And chicks aren’t impressed with sandy vomit. I learned my lesson. Now I keep my beer bongs confined to house parties. Chicks are okay with regular vomit.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Drinks

Losing the Cap to Your Toothpaste

Oral hygiene is essential, both for your health or if you want to get laid. It’s important to have fresh breath and little plaque. That’s why a lot of us use toothpaste. When combined with a toothbrush, toothpaste fights cavities and brightens your teeth. You’ll brush once or twice a day, every day and every week of every year for your whole life (at least if your mom raised you right). So it’s inevitable that you will end up losing the cap to your toothpaste. Sometimes the cap falls in the toilet or on a tainted spot on the ground so you have no choice but to get rid of it. Sometimes the fucking cap just goes missing without any trace. Maybe someone stole it to drive me crazy. There’s nothing you can do about it. If it goes missing, you just have to deal with capless toothpaste. They don’t sell spare caps. You’re not going to put plastic wrap on the end. You’re just going to have an exposed tube for a while. There are worse things in life.

Critically Rated at 8/17

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Filed under Random Rants

The Last Bit of Toothpaste

My tube of toothpaste is almost empty. It’s been almost empty for more than a week. Each morning I squeeze out enough to brush my teeth, and each night I squeeze out a little more. It’s important to get that last bit of toothpaste on your brush. You gotta get your money’s worth. My tube has been nearly depleted for a week, but there’s still enough coming out that I can’t just throw it away. It’s like a battery, you use it until it’s completely used up or it’s a waste.

Critically Rated at 12/17

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Filed under Random Rants