Tag Archives: drink

December 17, 2017 · 5:43 pm

You Need a Valid ID to Drink

I’m a bartender at a corporate chain restaurant and we are required to check IDs when customers order alcoholic beverages. It’s not personal. It’s part of my job description. If you order a drink with me, I have to ask for your ID, and I can’t serve you if you don’t have a valid ID. It doesn’t matter if you’re twenty-one or eighty-one. You need a valid ID to drink. It’s the law, bro.

The other day I was at work and an elderly British couple came up and ordered a drink. I asked for their IDs. The husband had his ID, the wife did not. I told them I couldn’t serve her. The husband said I was being ridiculous, that she was sixty-three, she’s clearly of age. I said I was sorry, it wasn’t my policy, that I would serve her if I could, but she needs a valid ID to drink. At this point they became irate and started to raise their voices. They asked if I carded everyone else. I told them I did and my other customers confirmed it and backed me up. Their voices got louder and I started to enjoy watching them make asses of themselves. I showed them the piece of paper that my manager gave to every single employee that says we are required to check IDs when someone orders alcohol. I showed them the email he sent to every single employee about checking IDs. They still argued and got louder and louder while I fake-smiled more and more until they stormed off to find another bar to go to.

They found my manager on the way out and complained about me. He came up to me and thanked me for doing my job. My other customers tipped fat and offered me verbal consolations for enduring their rant with a smile. Everyone had my back. It’s not my fault that a grown ass adult didn’t have a valid ID. They should know better. They were a miserable couple anyway. I’m glad I inconvenienced them. I hope I ruined their vacation. A small victory still makes me a winner.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 18, 2016 · 7:16 pm

Retox

My friend came over the other day to hang out for a few hours. Being the good host that I am, I offered her a beer. She said no and I asked her why. She said it was because she was doing a detox. I was totally supportive of her decision but I still cracked a beer open for myself. Some people choose to detox. Good for them. I choose to retox. It’s more fun. I retox almost every night. It’s what happens when you work in the restaurant industry. You work hard and play harder. Plus there are days when customers bring you down and crush your spirit. A little booze does a lot to revitalize oneself. If you do retox, retox responsibly. Use coasters and try not to spill anything. That’s alcohol abuse.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 24, 2015 · 12:50 pm

Acquired Taste

An acquired taste is a slowly developed appreciation for a beverage or food. For instance, most people don’t enjoy alcohol the first time they try it. They have to force it down. The more they drink it, the more used to the taste they get, and gradually they start to enjoy it. It’s kind of dumb in a funny sort of way. I don’t like this. This is gross. But I’m going to keep drinking it regardless. Ugh, let me choke down another sip. Blah. Another sip. You know what? It’s not so bad. Not good, but not terrible. Another sip. It’s growing on me. Sip, sip, sip. Mmm, this is good. I wonder if it comes in other flavors. Before you know it, you’re a connoisseur of sorts trying to get other people to try what you once hated.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 29, 2015 · 2:02 pm

Bloody Mary

A Bloody Mary is a popular cocktail. It’s vodka with tomato juice and spices and other flavors. It typically includes salt, pepper, lemon or lime juice, Worcestershire, and some sort of hot sauce like Tabasco or Red Hot. It’s often elaborately garnished with a lime wedge, olives, celery, maybe a pickle or onion, and it’s increasingly common to serve it with bacon, beef jerky, or some other smoked/salted hunk of meat. It’s one of those drinks that you grow to love. You probably don’t like your first sip of a Bloody Mary, but the taste grows on you. It cures hangovers and helps start new ones. A good Bloody Mary always starts with a good Bloody Mary mix. You don’t want anything that comes readymade from a bottle. You want to make it fresh. A good bartender takes pride in their cocktails and a Bloody Mary is one of the most complex drinks you can order. If it’s good, the bartender is too. As Vanilla Ice once said, “anything less than the best is a felony.”

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 5, 2014 · 7:01 pm

Bundaberg Guava

Bundaberg Guava is a non-alcoholic guava flavored sparkling drink. Bundaberg is an Australian beverage company best known for its Ginger Beer. Apparently they have a whole lineup of brewed drinks they refer to as the Sparkling Selection. They have Lime, Pink Grapefruit, Passionfruit, Peachee, Blood Orange, and Guava. I saw a few different flavors at the store. I chose Guava. I don’t know why, it spoke to me. The first thing I noticed when I was about to drink it was the notice on the bottle that tells you to invert the bottle before you open it. I inverted the bottle. Then I opened it. It spilled everywhere. Just kidding, lol, I crack myself up. Where was I? Oh yeah, so I inverted the bottle, returned it to the upright position, and then opened it. I took a whiff and got the muted aroma of guava. You can definitely smell the guava, but it’s fainter than you’d expect it to be. It tastes like fizzy guava juice, only not as sweet as juice and more sweet than a guava-infused sparkling water. It has 39 grams of sugar, so it’s more like a soda than anything else. I like it. I approve. It tastes good enough to make me want to try the other flavors.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 23, 2014 · 1:18 pm

Buying Someone a Drink

Buying someone a drink is a simple act of kindness that goes a long way. Buying a girl a drink could lead to a relationship.. Buying a stranger a drink makes you a new friend. Buying a friend a drink ensures he will pass on the favor someday. Buying a coworker a drink shows your appreciation for their helpThe other night my friend had a stressful shift, I caught up with him at the bar, noticed what he was drinking, and bought him another one when I got my drink. Did it pacify him? Slightly. Did he appreciate it? You betcha. And he reciprocated by buying another friend a drink, he instantly paid it forward. Good karma, good friends, and good times.
Critically Rated at 15/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 23, 2014 · 1:17 pm

Capri Sun

Capri a Sun is a brand of juice drink blends marketed towards children. You can find them in lunch boxes and picnic baskets and Lunchables across the US. They don’t taste amazing, they aren’t that healthy, but they are fun. They come in sealed pouches with a plastic straw. There’s a designated place near the top of the pouch for you to punch the straw through, but all the cool kids punch the straw through the bottom of the bag. It looks cool but it’s not practical because then you can’t set it down at all. Capri Suns haven’t gone through too many changes from when I was a kid, but one noticeable addition are the clear-bottoms. That’s because a few years ago a bunch of moms found mold and bacteria in their kids’ Capri Suns. The clear-bottoms ensure that you can see the contents inside and you can see if you have a moldy juice blend or not. That’s progress.
Critically Rated at 11/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 21, 2014 · 1:59 pm

A Day That Never Ends

Yesterday was an epic day. It was one of those days that stretches on and on and you do so many random things that it doesn’t seem like you did them all in the same day. It was like a real life version of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. I hung out with some amazing friends, we did a lot of amazing things, and we somehow managed to cram it all into a twenty-four hour period. We started the day by meeting at McDonald’s and grabbing a quick bite to eat before going to Golden Gate Park to participate in the AIDS Walk. We walked for a few miles and helped make the world a better place. Then we decided to get some bottles of champagne and have mimosas on the beach. We deserved it. We went to the grocery store and bought some booze and juice, plus a few other essentials like sandwiches, chips and dip, and some bubbles. You gotta have bubbles. We marched out to the beach and staked out a good log to sit on while we munched our munchies and drank our drinks. We talked and we laughed and we people watched. We saw a group of guys flying kites in formation, doing all kinds of synchronized tricks like they were the Blue Angels of the kite world.

We finished our four bottles of champagne in record time and decided to keep the party going. We went back to the grocery store to reload on booze and chips, but then we decided to find a cool spot in the park rather than go back to the beach. We took a few overlooked paths before finding a cool spot with rocks to lay on and trees to climb. I cracked a brew, shimmied up a tree, and posted up there for a few hours. There was a restaurant nearby that had outdoor seating and it was out of sight but still close enough that we could hear their music blasting. Luckily their music was an actual band that played classic rock songs from the ‘50s and ‘60s. We were essentially listening in on a live concert. We could have stayed there forever, but the music eventually ended, the sun went down, and it started to get cold.

At that point we said fuck it, went to the store and got more booze, and then went to our friend’s house to hang out. We had more drinks, more laughs, and we listened to gangster rap and released our inner thugs. At one point I left to have dinner at a Mexican restaurant, but I came back to the house right after. We partied some more, drank some more, and laughed some more. Did I mention the drinking and the laughing? Because that was the theme of the day. Midnight came and went, and things were going great until someone mentioned that it was 1:30 a.m. and we still had time to go to the bar to make last call. You can’t survive the whole day and suddenly become a party pooper, so I reluctantly went for one last drink. I didn’t even order my own, I just sipped from my friend’s beer.

I wish I could say that I was responsible and went home after the bar closed, but we went back to my friend’s house for a little bit longer. It was somewhere around 2:30 or 3:00 that I finally threw in the towel and went home. I got home and fell into my bed and slept like a rock until I got up, checked Facebook and saw all the pictures and comments from the day before, and decided my day was awesome enough to Critically Rate it. So that’s what I did, and now I’m done. The best days in life are the spontaneous ones, the ones that never end. I knew that yesterday was special early on. I knew that I would remember it forever. I made sure to live in the moment and I’m a little sad that the moment’s already passed. And now I can’t wait for my next epic day.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 1, 2014 · 5:31 pm

Spilling a Drink on Somebody

If you spend enough time in bars, eventually you’ll end up spilling a drink on somebody. That’s a big deal. It’s enough to start a fight. It’s enough to make Aaron Hernandez come after you. The most important thing about spilling a drink on somebody is how you react to it. Your reaction is key. If you spill a drink and are instantly remorseful, you are more likely to be forgiven. If you spill a drink and are casual about it, be prepared to offer to buy them a drink to make things right. If you spill a drink and laugh about it, shit has the potential to go down. It’s no use crying over spilled milk, but spilled booze gets people all worked up. If you spill a drink on somebody, you better own up to it. You should apologize and mean it, help them get cleaned up, and then buy them another drink. Try not to spill that one on them.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 11, 2014 · 12:22 pm

Drink Token

I go to a dive bar a few times a week where the bartenders will occasionally give out drink tokens to thirsty patrons. A drink token is a token for a free drink. They might give them away during Happy Hour, for special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries, or if you gave them a particularly good tip. Drink tokens are a precious commodity, especially in a city where a beer costs five to six bucks for a pint. You could redeem it right away, but it’s better to save it for a rainy day. Sometimes you really need a drink but you don’t want to pay for one. That’s when you bust out the drink token and quench your thirst. But remember that you still have to tip even though the drink is free. A dollar or two will suffice. Just because the drink is free doesn’t mean you can be cheap.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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March 8, 2014 · 10:00 am

Chasing Your Straw

You’re at the bar sipping on your Long Island Iced Tea and flirting with the girl next to you. You’re being funny, you’re being smart, and things are going well. Then you try to take a sip of your drink without breaking eye contact, but your straw refuses to cooperate and keeps moving around your glass. You look like a horse with peanut butter on the roof of its mouth. So you’re not too surprised when the girl rolls her eyes at you and goes off to find her friends. At least you still have your drink. Your dignity, not so much. There’s no way to look cool when you’re chasing your straw. Avoid the embarrassment and ditch the straw.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 24, 2014 · 9:58 am

Suicide (drink)

When I was a kid, my favorite soda was all the sodas mixed together. You get your cup, you go to the soda fountain, and you take a little bit of each soda until your cup is full. We used to call it a Suicide. Other people call it different things, but it’s still the same thing. A Suicide has no set recipe and it will taste different every single time. Sometimes it will taste horrible, sometimes it will taste great. It all depends which sodas they have on tap. Some sodas don’t mesh well with others. A diet soda will always taint the Suicide with a weird aftertaste, so you should avoid that. And Pepsi contaminates it immediately. Dr Pepper is one of the best sodas to use. Some people consider Dr Pepper to be a Suicide soda by itself because it already has 23 different flavors. Adding it to a Suicide will make your mouth happy. You should make a Suicide if you’ve never had one before. Have fun, experiment a little, and be creative.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 2, 2013 · 9:54 am

Stooping

Stooping is when you hang out on a stoop, usually with a few friends and typically with a some drinks, a blunt, and/or some cigarettes. Stooping is a very common activity in a lot of cities. It’s a lot easier to enjoy the outdoors on the steps in front of your door rather than trekking to the park. You just sit on the steps, crack a brew, and enjoy each other’s company as you watch the people go by. Stooping is great because it combines so many of my favorite things into one situation. I like sitting. I like hanging out. I like smoking. I like drinking. I like people watching. And I like being lazy. If you like those things, you would probably like stooping too. It’s fun, simple, cheap, and a great way to pass the time. I highly recommend stooping it for your next casual get together.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 15, 2013 · 12:07 pm

Big Blue

Big Blue is a blue beverage from the same company that makes Big Red. I’m trying it right now for the first time, and I think that it has a bubblegum flavor. At least, I’m guessing that is what it’s supposed to be. It just tastes blue to me. Blue is a fun flavor though. I’m not complaining. It has a very sweet, sugary, syrupy taste to it. I wouldn’t recommend it after you run a marathon. It’s not a thirst quencher. I don’t like to say soda pop, but Big Blue is the definition of a soda pop. It’s cheap and delicious and decidedly unhealthy. It costs 99 cents for a 20oz bottle. What a bargain. You’d be a fool not to get it.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 23, 2013 · 10:33 am

Beer Bongs

A beer bong is a funnel with a rubber tube attached to it. You put the tube in your mouth, you pour a beer down the funnel, and you either chug the entire beer or spill it all over your shirt. Beer bongs are a fun way to get drunk really fast, just ask any fraternity member or bro. They are a staple of college life, and they still pop up at random parties when shit is raging. I remember I once thought it would be a good idea to bring a beer bong to the beach. We killed a few beers and set the beer bong down for a few minutes to throw a football around. And then we realized that wet beer bongs are sand magnets when we started drinking again. And sand and beer are not a good combination. And throwing up sand is pretty fucking painful. And chicks aren’t impressed with sandy vomit. I learned my lesson. Now I keep my beer bongs confined to house parties. Chicks are okay with regular vomit.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 27, 2013 · 9:42 am

Planning to Get Drunk

            One of the biggest signs that you might have a drinking problem is when you start planning to get drunk. You’ll tell yourself that you’re not an alcoholic; you just want to be prepared. You know that you’re going to want to drink all day and into the night and so you plan accordingly. So you’ll eat a big lunch. You’ll buy some food and snacks for later. You’ll buy an excessive amount of alcohol plus another twelve-pack just to play it safe. The last thing that you want is to run out of booze. You make sure that you have nothing to do and nowhere to go. You’re going to binge drink and there’s nothing that can stop you. Part of you feels guilty; the other part doesn’t give a fuck. Whatever, you won’t care after a few drinks anyway. It’s better to plan on getting drunk than drinking and driving, right?

            Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 1, 2013 · 9:50 am

Bar Hopping

You want a drink but can’t decide where to go. Bar hopping is the perfect solution. Instead of choosing one bar to hang out and get drunk in, you’ll choose a neighborhood with a few chill bars and grab a drink at each of them. You’ll begin at someplace familiar, than start meandering down the street toward the next place. You’ll go into a bar that you’ve seen but never experienced, grab a drink, glance around at the regulars, and then head off for the next one. It’s a good way to pass the time. You feel like an active and motivated drunk. It’s kind of cool to go from a dive bar to a trendy spot. You get a change of scenery and atmosphere. You see a difference in the customers and the cost of the drinks. Every bar has a hook or something unique about it, something that makes it special. You’ll never see what the world has to offer if you only stay in one place. The biggest downside is that it’s almost impossible for other friends to meet up with you, because you don’t know where you’ll be in thirty-five minutes.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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