Monthly Archives: December 2014

December 16, 2014 · 1:39 pm

Scrooged

            Bill Murray gets the Ebenezer Scrooge treatment in this 1988 Christmas Comedy. Scrooged tells the tale of Frank Cross, a power-obsessed TV executive who has chosen work over friends and family. He’s in charge of a live Christmas Eve broadcast of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, the classic story of a grumpy guy who gets visited by ghosts and learns the true meaning of Christmas. Life begins to imitate art, and Frank gets visited by the ghost of his old mentor who warns him that he will be visited by three other ghosts.

Over the course of the evening and throughout his live broadcast, Frank gets visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past, the Ghost of Christmas Present, and the Ghost of Christmas Future. He becomes increasingly jumpy and disturbed, but comes to realize the error of his ways by the end of his final visit. He celebrates by rekindling his relationship with the love of his life and leading the cast and crew in a rousing rendition of “Put a Little Love in Your Heart” as the credits roll.

This is a darker version of A Christmas Carol. The humor is edgy and more cynical than other Bill Murray comedies. The Christmas Ghosts are kind of scary, especially for kids. It’s distinctly ‘80s and doesn’t hold up very well. It’s kind of dated. They have product placements for prehistoric products like VCRs. There are a lot of cameos from people who used to be famous. You probably wouldn’t like it if you saw it today for the first time. But it’s necessary holiday viewing if you grew up watching it like I did. It makes you nostalgic. It makes you remember happy memories. And isn’t that what holiday films are all about?

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 15, 2014 · 5:17 pm

Four-Story Friend

I have a friend that I can only hang out with once every couple of weeks. He’s a cool guy and he’s fun to hang out with, but he has the nasty habit of telling the same stories over and over again. And he only has four stories. He’s a four-story friend. There’s the time he got really drunk, there’s the time he boned the hottest chick in the world, there’s the time his car broke down on the freeway, and there’s the time he did that thing on vacation. He loves to be the center of attention and will tell his four stories at every opportunity he gets, but he doesn’t seem to realize that we’ve heard all heard them a thousand times before. We know his stories better than he does. What he needs to do is add more stories to his repertoire. He needs to experience new things and transform himself into a five-story friend.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 15, 2014 · 5:16 pm

Jobs

Jobs is a 2013 biopic based on the life of Steve Jobs. If you don’t know who Steve Jobs is, look him up on your iPhone, iPad, or iMac. It was directed by Joshua Michael Stern and stars Ashton Kutcher as the titular character. The film doesn’t show his whole life. It starts with his college days in 1974 and continues through the introduction of the iPod in 2001. He died in 2011, so the movie leaves out a lot of important stuff. How can you make a movie about Steve Jobs and completely omit the iPhone and the iPad?!? Not only that, but the movie twists a lot of facts and manages to make an interesting man seem boring.

Ashton Kutcher delivers a decent performance as Jobs, but he’s not given much to work with. The script is boring. The whole movie falls flat. I’d much rather watch a documentary about Steve Jobs. At least facts would be more accurate and the drama would be realistic. This movie is a by-the-numbers biopic. It’s formulaic and fails because Steve Jobs didn’t follow a formula. He followed his gut. And really, no mention whatsover of iPhones or iPads or the last ten years of his life? Steve Jobs had an amazing life and career. This film is a terrible, shoddy tribute to his memory.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 14, 2014 · 2:19 pm

Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey

Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey is a cinnamon-flavored whiskey liqueur. Not whiskey, a whiskey-based liqueur. It only 33% alcohol by volume. It’s kind of trendy right now. It’s one of the top ten most popular liquors, up there with Jäegarmeister, Jameson, and Patrón. You’ll find it at most bars and it’s a staple of house parties everywhere. I first discovered it about two years ago. I’m totally over it now. The hipsters can have it. The thing about Fireball is that it acts as its own chaser. You take a swig and swallow and the cinnamon burns your throat and hides the taste of alcohol. Most people take it as a shot or on the rocks, but you can use it as an ingredient to make a variety of cocktails. Nasty cinnamon-flavored cocktails, but cocktails nonetheless.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 14, 2014 · 2:18 pm

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

Anchorman2: The Legend Continues is the 2013 sequel to Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Adam McKay returns as director and Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, David Koechner, and Christina Applegate all reprise their roles. It’s not as funny as the first one, and honestly there’s no way that it ever could have been better. The first one is a classic. This one is just a sequel. It has its moments, but it’s not as quotable and some of the jokes seem forced (like not understanding how cruise control works, what a tired gag). The movie tries too hard to be funny. They resort to recycling or paying homage to jokes from the first film, and they trot out celebrity cameos like it’s going out of style.

It spoofs the rise of 24-hour cable news networks that deliver more entertainment than actual news. There might not be much of a message, but there is a message: don’t be duped by sensationalist newscasts. Will Ferrell’s character is still funny. Paul Rudd and David Koechner’s characters are still funny. But Steve Carell’s Brick Tamland is a black hole. His character had some decent moments in the original movie, but he drags down the sequel. Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, and Champ Kind are all unintelligent characters because they have big egos and stubborn personalities. Brick Tamland is an unintelligent character because he is mentally handicapped. Steve Carell plays him as a retard and that’s lazy. And his whole romantic subplot with Kristen Wiig was downright stupid and unnecessary. Cool, lets hook up a retard with another retard and let hilarity ensue.

Did I enjoy this movie? Yeah, a little bit. I would only recommend it if you liked the first one. It’s not a masterpiece, but it’s not a rehash of the first one like The Hangover Part II. It’s not hard for a sequel to be better than The Hangover Part II though.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 12, 2014 · 3:59 pm

Christmas Tree

A Christmas tree is a tree that you decorate and place Christmas gifts under. It’s the best way to honor baby Jesus. Some Christmas trees are real, some Christmas trees are fake, and sometimes they are called Xmas trees. In the old days you would go out into the woods and chop down a tree. Then people started buying them at designated Christmas tree lots. Now you can just take them out of the box and assemble them in your living room in only a few minutes. You decorate them with ornaments, lights, tinsel, popcorn chains, and top it off with an angel or a star. You put presents underneath the tree and hope that the dog/cat doesn’t piss all over everything. And no matter what your Jewish friend tells you, there is no such thing as a Hanukkah tree. They get a menorah.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 12, 2014 · 3:57 pm

Airplane!

Airplane! is it. It’s the one comedy that everybody should see before they die. It is beyond a mere comedy. It is nonstop absurdity. Practically every single line of dialog is a joke. Almost every shot has a gag. The film premiered in 1980 and is still being quoted regularly. It had a tremendous impact on Hollywood and pop culture in general. The response is always the same whenever people find out that somebody hasn’t seen the movie: they all say, “Surely, you must be joking.” The unlucky chap doesn’t know that he is being called Shirley.

Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker all wrote and directed the film. Robert Hays stars as Ted Striker, a former war pilot with a drinking problem, and he’s forced to fly a commercial airliner when the flight crew gets food poisoning. He’s trying to reconcile with his ex-girlfriend Elaine (played by Julie Hagerty), who happens to be a stewardess on the flight. Leslie Nielsen play Dr. Rumack in the role that turned him into a comedic genius. Lloyd Bridges has a role as a flight tower supervisor tasked with guiding the plane home safely, and he picked a hell of a week to quit drinking.

Some of the jokes are dated and the punchlines have been lost to time. I doubt anybody under the age of twenty will get half the jokes, but that doesn’t stop the film from being hilarious. Good comedy is timeless and that’s why Airplane! is still relevant today. Airplane! is a good personality test. I wouldn’t trust anybody who doesn’t appreciate this movie.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 11, 2014 · 8:35 pm

Scratch-Off Lottery Tickets

Scratch-off lottery tickets are lotto tickets that are printed on cards. They are also referred to as scratch cards, scratchers, scratch-its, scratch tickets, etc. There are lots of different types of scratch-offs, but the premise is always similar. You buy a card for either a dollar, five dollars, ten dollars, or twenty dollars. The higher the price, the more likely you are to win. At least that’s why they want you to think. You play by scratching off certain areas of the card to determine if it’s a winner or not. The biggest appeal of scratch-offs is that you don’t have to wait for a drawing. You either win money right away or you lose money right away. You usually lose money right away. But if you get a winning ticket, you can cash it in right away and buy more scratchers.

Right now I’m hooked on California Lottery’s Lucky for Life. There’s one ticket that costs a dollar with a grand prize of $500 a week for twenty-five years. There’s one that costs two bucks with a grand prize of $1000 a week for twenty-five years. There’s another ticket that costs five bucks with a grand prize of $2,500 a week for twenty-five years. And the last ticket costs ten bucks with a grand prize of $5000 a week for twenty-five years. I haven’t won the jackpot yet, but I’ve won $20 on a five-dollar ticket. That’s enough to buy a couple of burritos.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 11, 2014 · 8:33 pm

Keeping an Umbrella In Your Bag

Keeping an umbrella in your bag means that you’re prepared but also a little paranoid. It’s one thing to check the weather report before you leave the house and making a conscious decision to bring an umbrella with you. It’s entirely another thing to have an umbrella take up permanent residence in your backpack, briefcase, or purse at all times. Of course you will feel like it was all worth it if an unexpected storm blows in, but most of the time you’re lugging around an umbrella that you don’t need. There are a lot of things that take up the same amount of space as an umbrella but are more practical to have on a daily basis. Like a bottle of vodka for instance. You will use that way more than you would ever use an umbrella. And a bottle of vodka is more fun to take everywhere with you.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 10, 2014 · 1:14 pm

Janet Jackson

Janet Jackson is an American singer/songwriter and actress. She’s had a successful career but she will always be most famous for being Michael Jackson’s sister. She’s had quite a few hits and a lot of success, but she will forever be overshadowed by the King of Pop. She’s sold over 140 million albums, he’s sold over 400 million. Michael died in 2009, her career died long before that. Sorry, but it’s true. The last time Janet Jackson was really worth talking about was the infamous wardrobe malfunction during Super Bowl XXXVIII. That was over ten years ago. I’ll admit that Janet had a successful career but she was way too dependent on her sexuality to sell records. It’s kind of creepy because she looks like Michael Jackson but with cleavage. Nobody ever wanted to see Michael Jackson with cleavage. That’s Nasty (see what I did there?).

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 10, 2014 · 1:11 pm

Misbuttoning Your Shirt

You have a job interview or a date or an important business meeting to go to and you want to look your best. You put on a fancy collared shirt in an attempt to make a good impression. But you made a mistake in buttoning up and your shirt is not aligned correctly. You tried to look nice but you failed. You look like a slob. You look like an incompetent boob that’s incapable of buttoning up your own shirt. And you have to admit that it’s a little bit true. Misbuttoning your shirt is a mistake that we all make at some point or another. It’s the fashion equivalent of having shit in your teeth all day. Hopefully you realize it before you leave the house, but chances are you won’t have any idea until somebody else points it out to you in a condescending manner.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 9, 2014 · 2:14 pm

Weather Report

If I’ve learned one thing in life, it’s that you should always take the weather report with a grain of salt. You simply can’t predict the weather. The top meteorologists are wrong half the time. They always say that there will be a big storm on Wednesday, and that you should buy bottled water and cans of food and invest in umbrellas. Then Wednesday rolls around and it’s eighty-five degrees out and you kick yourself for not going to the beach. I will only trust the weather report a few hours in advance. Most of the time I just look out the window. If it looks shitty out, I’ll grab a hoodie. It if looks really shitty out, that’s when I’ll check the weather report online to see if I should bring an umbrella. I don’t need the umbrella more times than not. The weather report is simply a guess, an educated estimate, but nature does whatever it wants to do.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 9, 2014 · 2:13 pm

Knuckleball! (documentary)

Knuckleball! is a 2012 documentary about the notoriously tricky baseball pitch. The film focuses on Tim Wakefield and R.A. Dickey, the last two knuckleballers, during the 2011 baseball season. The two pitchers talk about how the knuckleball started as a gimmick, but how learning to throw it brought them out of obscurity and gave them longevity. They point out that it’s hard to hit because the movement is so unpredictable. But they are also quick to point out that the unpredictable movement is hard to control. Passed balls, beaned batters, and monster homeruns are just some of the unfortunate side effects.

The documentary was directed by Ricki Stern and Anne Sundberg and runs about 93 minutes long. That’s about 33 minutes longer than it needs to be. The film doesn’t need to drag on for that long. Just show the pitch, show what it means to the pitchers, and show how the knuckleball affects catchers, hitters, and managers. That’s all they needed to do. We don’t need that much backstory on R.A. Dickey’s journey to the Majors. That has very little to do with the baseball’s movement. The film is called Knuckleball!, not Dickey!

The film is available on Netflix and that’s where I watched it. You should watch it too if you like baseball and/or documentaries. It’s not as good as the ESPN 30 for 30 documentaries, but it will give you some insight to an underrated pitch. It’s not always reliable, yet you can build a career out of it with some determination.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 8, 2014 · 10:08 pm

Bumping Into a Friend

Bumping into a friend unexpectedly is always a good thing. It’s the universe’s way of keeping people in touch. Earlier tonight I jumped on the train and saw a familiar face. It was a friend that I hadn’t seen since summertime. I sat down next to him and we chatted, caught up with each other, and made plans to hang out soon. It was a good train ride. I actually had a face-to-face conversation with somebody instead of staying buried in my phone for the entire trip. Do you know how rare it is to have an actual interaction with another person in this day and age? Take advantage of bumping into a friend. Don’t run away. Don’t cross the street. Say hello and have a conversation. Then you can run away and cross the street.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 8, 2014 · 2:13 pm

World War Z (film)

World War Z is a 2013 zombie flick based on the book written by Max Brooks. Marc Forster (Monster’s Ball, Quantum of Solace) directs and Brad Pitt stars as Gerry Lane, a former UN investigator who is called back into action to stop a zombie outbreak. These aren’t slow-moving Romero or Walking Dead zombies. These are 28 Days Later and 2003’s Dawn of the Dead zombies. They are fast and vicious, which leads to explosive action scenes. One zombie in the midst of a crowded area causes complete chaos. It’s almost impossible to escape. But Gerry Lane always finds a way to survive because he’s smart, calm under pressure, and he’s played by Brad Pitt and they need him for the sequel.

The basic plot is simple. There is a zombie pandemic and Gerry Lane must find the source in order to find a cure. He goes all over the world, from Philadelphia to Newark to South Korea to Jerusalem to Cardiff. It’s pretty easy to travel the world during the zombie apocalypse if you have UN connections apparently. He doesn’t find a cure but he finds a temporary solution, and the movie ends with a glimmer of hope for survivors around the globe.

World War Z made $540,007,876 at the box office, making it the highest-grossing zombie movie of all time. The filmmakers cited The Bourne Identity as an influence and you can see glimmers of it. The violence is gritty and realistic for the most part, despite using a lot of CG zombies that appear cartoonish at times. I never read the book so I can’t compare the two, but I enjoyed the movie. It was entertaining, had some good political points, and a lot of solid action scenes that keep you engaged. It’s a satisfying zombie movie, but it doesn’t bring anything original to the genre. You get infected if you get bit (unless you perform a quick amputation), the zombies die if you shoot them in the head, there are ways to make yourself invisible to the zombies, and the living are just as dangerous as the dead. Been there, done that.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 7, 2014 · 5:28 pm

When the Sun Comes Out On a Cloudy Day

I ran out of beer earlier today so I decided to skate down to the corner store to pick up some suds. It was cloudy outside and it was gray and gloomy on my skate to the store. I picked up a six-pack of Lagunitas and the universe must have like my decision because the sun broke out from behind the clouds on the way back. The world was suddenly filled with a warm glow. It was a flash of summer in the middle of winter. The sun’s rays instantly rejuvenated me, I felt like I got Vitamin D injected straight into my veins. You see things in a new light when the sun comes out on a cloudy day. That’s not just a pun, it’s profound.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 7, 2014 · 5:25 pm

Rockstar Super Sours Green Apple Energy Drink

Rockstar Super Sours Green Apple Energy Drink is an energy drink that tastes like sour green apples. It’s only slightly sour, not super sour like it says in its name. That’s okay though, you don’t want your energy drink to taste super sour. I can’t decide if I like it or not. It tastes like somebody dropped a Warhead candy into a can of Rockstar. If that sounds good then you would probably like this. If it doesn’t then you should probably avoid this. It contains no juice, has 66 grams of sugar per 16-oz can, and includes delicious ingredients like pantothenic acid, niacinamide, inositol, pryidoxine, hydrochloride, and cyanocobalamin. Energy drinks are scary if you read the label. I’m not going to do that anymore.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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