Tag Archives: sun

September 18, 2016 · 12:54 pm

Beach Day

I didn’t have to work today. I slept in a bit, but dragged myself out of bed when I looked out the window and saw how nice it was outside. It was perfect summer’s day outside (summer might be officially over on the calendar but San Francisco summer is in September and October). I could stay cooped up inside watching football and catching up on Netflix but it seemed like a beach day so I went to the beach.

A beach day is a day when you go to the beach. Today is one of those days. I know that because I’m writing this on the beach right now. You’ve heard of live tweeting but I’m live blogging and taking the Internet to another level. I’m sitting on a towel, sipping on a Mike’s Harder Cranberry Lemonade, and listening to nineties songs on Pandora. I have a sandwich in my bag that I’ll eat after I post this. I’m shirtless too, in case anyone is wondering. Gotta work on my tan.

I see about fifteen dogs scattered all around, chasing balls and birds, frolicking in the water, and occasionally sniffing each other’s butts. I see dudes tossing a frisbee. I see bros throwing a football. I see kids digging in the sand. I see ladies laying out and guys strutting by to impress them. I see a couple trouncing along the shore with a cooler in search of the perfect spot. I see surfers paddling out. I see ships coming into the bay. It’s definitely a beach day. 

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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March 3, 2016 · 8:29 pm

Cheap Sunglasses

I got a black eye a few months ago. I covered it up with a pair of cheap sunglasses when I had to work. My black eye eventually went away, but the cheap sunglasses became part of my work wardrobe. They are my trademark now. My coworkers took notice and they started bringing me pairs of cheap sunglasses from various companies. They were all free glasses given away by various businesses to promote themselves. I have specs from Svedka, Smirnoff, Corona, Lagunitas, Jack Daniels, and Lyft to name a few. It was a collection that was never wanted but suddenly accumulated. It’s too late to turn back now. It’s weird because I don’t normally wear sunglasses outside of work. I’ll only rock a pair if I’m going to the beach or park for the day. I don’t wear them in my normal street attire. But they are on my face when I clock in and come off when I clock out. Everyone should have a pair of cheap sunglasses. Just make sure that they have UV protection. Any pair of sunglasses is completely worthless if they don’t block the sun. And never pay for a pair of designer sunglasses when you can raid the lost & found.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 20, 2015 · 11:13 pm

Solar-Powered Calculator

A solar-powered calculator is a calculator that’s powered by solar energy. That means it uses light to run. They first came out in the ‘70s. I was born in 1985. I was brought up with them. They were the standard calculator in math class when I was growing up. You can take your abacus and shove it, grandpa (I’m half Asian so that’s not racist by the way). Solar-powered calculators have the same mathematical capabilities and functions as your standard battery-powered calculator. 2 + 2 = 4 and 80085 spells BOOBS on both. One just runs on the sun. Make sure you turn it off when you’re done using it. You don’t want to waste solar electricity.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 7, 2014 · 5:28 pm

When the Sun Comes Out On a Cloudy Day

I ran out of beer earlier today so I decided to skate down to the corner store to pick up some suds. It was cloudy outside and it was gray and gloomy on my skate to the store. I picked up a six-pack of Lagunitas and the universe must have like my decision because the sun broke out from behind the clouds on the way back. The world was suddenly filled with a warm glow. It was a flash of summer in the middle of winter. The sun’s rays instantly rejuvenated me, I felt like I got Vitamin D injected straight into my veins. You see things in a new light when the sun comes out on a cloudy day. That’s not just a pun, it’s profound.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 27, 2014 · 10:55 am

Sunscreen Protection Day

May 27th is Sunscreen Protection Day, a holiday that reminds you that the sun is actively trying to kill you with cancer rays. Not only does sunscreen block danger ultraviolet rays, it helps to keep your skin from aging. Nobody wants sunspots and wrinkles. Sunscreen was invented by a guy named Franz Greiter in 1946. Before that, people simply didn’t go outside. The invention of sunscreen that allowed people to leave their caves for the first time. Sunscreen is directly responsible for agriculture and the Industrial Revolution. These are the important facts that they didn’t even try to teach you in school. Make sure you celebrate Sunscreen Protection Day by rocking some SPF. Anything above 15 should suffice.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 14, 2012 · 10:01 am

A Streetlight That’s On During The Daytime

Every now and then I will notice a random streetlight that’s on during the daytime. It’s bright out, the sun is still shining high in the sky, and there’s one streetlight that’s on. There’s no reason for it to be on. None of the other streetlights around it are on. It’s just that one stubborn light trying to outdo the sun. It’s not right. I don’t trust it. It’s up to something.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 30, 2012 · 9:43 am

Looking at the Sun

I’m a glutton for punishment so I sometimes stare at the sun. Not for too long. Just long enough to get spots in my eyes. I like to blink them away. It makes me feel alive. If I can stare at the sun, I can do anything. It’s empowering. It’s motivating. It’s starting to burn my retinas. Maybe it’s not a good idea to stare directly at the sun. I remember being 9 or 10 years old and watching a hawk with binoculars. That fucker flew in front of the sun. That shit still hurts. I think he did it intentionally.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 27, 2012 · 9:27 am

Solar Bowls

If you paid attention in science class growing up, you might recall that you can use a magnifying glass to manipulate solar rays into a death ray for insects.  But it might not have occurred to you that instead of harnessing the sun’s energy for evil, you can use it to get high. That’s right, instead of burning ants alive, you can use your magnifying glass to light your bowl. This, my friends, is a solar bowl. Solar bowls are clean tasting. When you use a lighter to smoke a bowl, you are inhaling and tasting trace amounts of butane that alters the flavor of your herb of choice. When you smoke a blunt or a joint, you are also tasting the blunt wrap or rolling paper. When you smoke a solar bowl, you are tasting the weed as it’s truly meant to be smoked. They only downside to a solar bowl is that you can’t do it at night.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 26, 2012 · 10:33 am

Lunch Date Conundrum

Going on a date during the day is a bad idea. A first date lunch is the gateway to the Friend Zone. The two of you will munch on salads and make small talk about nothing in particular, and when the date is over you will give her an awkward hug and go your separate ways. It’s much better to have a dinner date. You can have a few drinks and relax. A stroll beneath the moonlight is much more romantic than a hike under the blazing sun. The sun is a cockblocker and the moon is your wingman. Avoid the lunch date conundrum and embrace the night.

Critically Rated at 7/17

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