Tag Archives: tree

Lounging Under a Tree

Call me a hippie, but I like nature. I like being outside. One of my favorite things to do on days off is hanging out in Golden Gate Park with a couple of friends and a couple of brews. We will post up under a tree, throw a blanket on the ground, put on some music, and hang out until we feel like moving on. I’ll lie on my back and watch the sunlight filter through the leaves and the clouds move across the sky. I’ll track leaves as they fall from the branch and gently float towards the grass. I’ll sit up every once in a while to sip my beer without it dribbling down my chin. I’m not opposed to puffing the green stuff either. It makes lounging under a tree even more chill. You’re missing out if you’ve never hung out under a tree. It’s one of the easiest things to cross off your bucket list. All you have to is find a tree and hang out under it. If you can’t find satisfaction in that, you’re not a person I want to know.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Christmas Tree

A Christmas tree is a tree that you decorate and place Christmas gifts under. It’s the best way to honor baby Jesus. Some Christmas trees are real, some Christmas trees are fake, and sometimes they are called Xmas trees. In the old days you would go out into the woods and chop down a tree. Then people started buying them at designated Christmas tree lots. Now you can just take them out of the box and assemble them in your living room in only a few minutes. You decorate them with ornaments, lights, tinsel, popcorn chains, and top it off with an angel or a star. You put presents underneath the tree and hope that the dog/cat doesn’t piss all over everything. And no matter what your Jewish friend tells you, there is no such thing as a Hanukkah tree. They get a menorah.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Shoes on Power Lines

All across the US you’ll find pairs of old shoes dangling from power lines, telephone wires, and trees. You’re more likely to find them in the city than the suburbs, but they are everywhere. You just have to look up to see them. There are lots of theories and superstitions about shoes on power lines. Some people claim it’s how gangs make their territory or honor fallen homies. Some people say it’s an indicator of drug dealers. Some people think bullies use them to taunt their victims. Some people believe it’s a celebration for losing their virginity or graduating. The truth is simpler than that. People want to be remembered. It’s why we write stuff on bathroom stalls or carve our names into desks. Throwing your shoes on power lines is just a fun way of leaving your mark on the world. That’s why my old kicks are hanging outside my first apartment in Isla Vista. I had to say goodbye somehow, so why not toss them into the sky?

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Uploading Pictures Of Yourself Camping

The whole point of camping is to get away from it all. Away from city life, away from technology, away from your cell phone. You should be chilling in the woods, sitting around a campfire, telling stories and making jokes. You should be living. Why the fuck are you taking picture of yourself camping and uploading it to Facebook? I’m not opposed to taking pictures of the campsite or the views or having fun. That’s totally fine. I’m against taking a picture and instantly uploading it. You’re not camping if you don’t have a signal, you’re just a hipster in the woods. Put down the phone and look at a tree. You came out to nature to experience nature, not to add another hashtag to your resume.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Getting a Frisbee Stuck in a Tree

It’s fun to throw a Frisbee around in the park. But parks have trees and occasionally Frisbees get stuck in them. They are practically designed to get snagged by branches and stuck on a limb. You’ll spend a few minutes scanning the leaves before you spot the disc. If climbing the tree is out of the question, you’ll have to resort to throwing rocks, pinecones, sticks, water bottles, anything you can get your hands on. You’ll go caveman on the tree for a few minutes before someone knocks it down or everyone gives up. It sucks losing a Frisbee to a tree because it’s not even lost. You know exactly where it is. You just can’t get it. And it’s up there taunting you, mocking your athletic ability. You have failed and now your failure is on display for everyone to see.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Climbing a Tree

If you’re bored and on a budget, go climb a tree. Climbing a tree is fun and free, it’s good exercise, it’s non-polluting, and makes you feel like a kid. It’s good to release your inner child from time to time. Hoist your way up, look for sturdy limbs and branches, and make sure to watch out for bugs and angry squirrels and mama birds protecting their nests. Climb as high as you can go and look down on the people walking by with disdain. Enjoy your temporary treetop sanctuary, for you are safe from the world. Worry about how to get down later.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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