Tag Archives: airplane

Closing the Airplane Window

I flew into Phoenix from San Francisco earlier today. I booked last minute and forgot to check in on time so I ended up stuck with a middle seat. Luckily it was a short flight so it wasn’t too bad. My biggest complaint was that the guy next to me had his window closed. I don’t know why. You get to choose your seat. Why would you choose a window seat if you’re only going to close it? It makes no sense. The biggest perk of the window seat is having a window to look out of, especially on when taking off or landing. It’s ok to close the window if the sun is blasting you, but the window shouldn’t be closed the entire time. Closing the airplane window is selfish. Think about the guy in the middle seat. Maybe he wants to look out the window. He can’t if you closed it. Don’t be a jerk, share the view.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young



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Airplane!

Airplane! is it. It’s the one comedy that everybody should see before they die. It is beyond a mere comedy. It is nonstop absurdity. Practically every single line of dialog is a joke. Almost every shot has a gag. The film premiered in 1980 and is still being quoted regularly. It had a tremendous impact on Hollywood and pop culture in general. The response is always the same whenever people find out that somebody hasn’t seen the movie: they all say, “Surely, you must be joking.” The unlucky chap doesn’t know that he is being called Shirley.

Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, and Jerry Zucker all wrote and directed the film. Robert Hays stars as Ted Striker, a former war pilot with a drinking problem, and he’s forced to fly a commercial airliner when the flight crew gets food poisoning. He’s trying to reconcile with his ex-girlfriend Elaine (played by Julie Hagerty), who happens to be a stewardess on the flight. Leslie Nielsen play Dr. Rumack in the role that turned him into a comedic genius. Lloyd Bridges has a role as a flight tower supervisor tasked with guiding the plane home safely, and he picked a hell of a week to quit drinking.

Some of the jokes are dated and the punchlines have been lost to time. I doubt anybody under the age of twenty will get half the jokes, but that doesn’t stop the film from being hilarious. Good comedy is timeless and that’s why Airplane! is still relevant today. Airplane! is a good personality test. I wouldn’t trust anybody who doesn’t appreciate this movie.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Luggage Tag

A luggage tag is a tag for your luggage that contains your personal information in case your bag gets lost. It should have your first and last name, your address, and your phone number. You don’t need to put all your personal information on it, especially not your social security or PIN number. Don’t get carried away. You just want your bag to get returned, not have your identity stolen. Luggage tags are often given away by corporations as a form of advertising because they want their brand and logo to be seen in airports around the world. You should never buy something if you can get it for free. And who really wants to waste money on a luggage tag? I’d rather buy a soda and a pack of Skittles. Or stamps. Or a little key chain that lights up. You can make your own luggage tag with a Post-it note and some Scotch Tape.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Flight Delay

A flight delay is when your flight is delayed. Don’t make me spell it out for you. Planes are late all the time. It happens for all sorts of reasons such as weather, too much air traffic, unruly passengers, terror threats, drunk pilots, etc. I have a theory that flight delays are a conspiracy designed to get you to buy another round at the airport bar. Yesterday I was flying home from Vegas and had time for a quick drink. I got a double Jack & Coke and some fries, and was lucky enough to catch some of the Giants vs. the D-Backs game on TV, then strolled over to my boarding gate. I looked out the window and noticed that my plane hadn’t arrived yet, but I figured it wouldn’t be too long so I found an empty chair and pulled out a book to read. As soon as I pulled out my book, my phone buzzed and I had a text notification that my flight was going to be delayed forty-five minutes. My book wasn’t that interesting, so I went back to the bar and got a beer. Then another Jack & Coke because two beers would make me have to pee on the flight and I knew I had a window seat. That’s what I call drinking responsibly. I didn’t want another round. I didn’t want to waste more money. But my flight was delayed. What else could I do?

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Flying On a Plane

Sticking to this airport theme that I have going here, let me just say that flying on a plane is the closest thing that we have to time travel. We are bending time and space whenever we fly from place to place. Now you can wake up in California and fall asleep in Paris. Do you realize how amazing that is? They would have called you crazy if you said that a hundred years ago. They would have burned you alive if you said that three hundred years ago. Flying on a plane is like cheating. An eight-hour drive becomes a two-hour flight. It makes the world a smaller and more accessible place. It’s a miracle of the Bill Nye variety. If you’re a nervous flier, I have some advice: remember that planes are designed to be in the air and ignore the fact that humans aren’t meant to fly. And go to the airport bar. That’s why it’s there.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed By Brendan H. Young

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Hot Shots! (film)

Jim Abrahams (Airplane!) directs this Top Gun parody starring Charlie Sheen, Cary Elwes, Lloyd Bridges, Jon Cryer, Kevin Dunn, and Valeria Golino. This was made back in the days when parody films were actually smart and clever, before it devolved into shit like Epic Movie and Vampires Suck. You have to respect the source material if you’re going to make a funny parody. You can’t just slap scenes and gags together to lengthen the film’s running time.

Hot Shots! actually has a plot. Topper Harley (Charlie Sheen) is a top Navy pilot with some daddy issues. He’s a natural pilot but is self-destructive, something that his therapist/love interest (Valeria Golino) tries to help him with. Cary Elwes plays a rival pilot feuding with Topper. His future Two and a Half Men co-star Jon Cryer also plays a fellow pilot and Kristy Swanson walks around in a bra, which is nice.

Even though this is a parody, it’s still a pretty solid film. It has a real plot, the characters actually develop, and the end result is an 83% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Compare that to the 2% and 4% rating for Epic Movie and Vampires Suck. There is a joke or a gag every few seconds and most of them are hysterical. But there is also continuity to the jokes. When Lloyd Bridges spits pudding on Kevin Dunn’s face, the pudding stays on his face until he wipes it away. There is a Chihuahua that has the unfortunate habit of getting sat on. The funniest jokes are reoccurring ones.

Charlie Sheen carries the picture. He’s kind of like a younger Leslie Nielsen: they are both comedic actors, but they aren’t really comedians. They both have a deadpan delivery while doing the absurd. Hot Shots! isn’t as funny as Airplane!, but that’s a tough act to follow.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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