Tag Archives: bump

Bumping Into a Friend

Bumping into a friend unexpectedly is always a good thing. It’s the universe’s way of keeping people in touch. Earlier tonight I jumped on the train and saw a familiar face. It was a friend that I hadn’t seen since summertime. I sat down next to him and we chatted, caught up with each other, and made plans to hang out soon. It was a good train ride. I actually had a face-to-face conversation with somebody instead of staying buried in my phone for the entire trip. Do you know how rare it is to have an actual interaction with another person in this day and age? Take advantage of bumping into a friend. Don’t run away. Don’t cross the street. Say hello and have a conversation. Then you can run away and cross the street.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Fist Bump

A fist bump (or pound) is a more casual and cooler way to shake hands. You ball your hand into a fist, extend your arm, and lightly tap your knuckles against the other person’s knuckles. You don’t have to be gentle about it, but you don’t have to punch the other person. You’re not playing Bloody Knuckles. You can use the fist bump as a greeting, in lieu of a celebratory high five, and/or as a casual goodbye when someone is leaving. Fist bumps have a few benefits over a high five or handshake. For starters, it doesn’t matter which fist you use unlike with a high five or handshake. It’s virtually impossible to have an awkward fist bump. Everyone’s had an awkward handshake or high five before. Fist bumps are much easier and harder to fuck up on. You also make less surface contact with the other person’s skin, so you don’t have to worry about sweaty palms or clammy hands. And fist bumps are also more sanitary so you don’t have to stress about germs, bacteria, or if they washed their hands when they went to the bathroom.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Turbulence

I’m not scared of flying, but I’m not much of a fan of turbulence. I know that planes want to be in the air, that they are designed to deal with sudden dips and drops and violent shakes, but it’s still pretty unsettling to know that you will plummet to your death if the wing rips off. All you can do is to try not to spill your drink or think about dying in a horrifying crash. And on that note, I don’t think that floatation devices under the seat are particularly helpful either. My last flight was from San Francisco to Las Vegas. I noticed that there aren’t too many places to execute an emergency water landing when you’re flying over the desert. I’d prefer a parachute under my seat instead. At least give me a fucking chance to survive. Flying is statistically the safest way to travel. But turbulence can still make you fall out of the sky.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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My Facial Cyst

So a few months ago I noticed a bump on my cheek that looked like a big zit. I tried to pop it unsuccessfully a few times, I tried different types of pimple cream, and I slowly realized that it wasn’t going away. Plus a lot of people were asking me what was wrong with my face. So I finally caved and did the smart thing and called a dermatologist. I made an appointment, hung out in the waiting room, and then got summoned to his office. He took one look at my cheek and said it was a sebaceous cyst, and that he would remove it for me. I laid back, he put some anesthetic on my face and he popped that fucker. I feel the pressure instantly dissipate as the pus and blood drained from my cheek. That part was oddly satisfying. Then he had to scrape out the cystic sack so that it wouldn’t fill up again. That part sucked. He pushed and squeezed on my face while poking and prodding and cutting away the cystic sack. It was painfully uncomfortable. But the whole procedure only took about fifteen minutes, and it was over fairly quickly. He called in his nurse/assistant lady and told her that it was the largest facial cyst that he’s ever removed. I actually felt kind of proud of that fact… this is a 60-year-old doctor with over thirty years of experience in a major US city, and my facial cyst was a milestone in his career. I’ll be talked about at boring staff Christmas parties thrown at his office for the next several years. He got a story, and I got my face back. Fair trade.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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