Tag Archives: cigarettes

Cigarette Butts

One of the biggest drawbacks to smoking isn’t cancer, it’s cigarette butts. Cigarette butts are the leftovers from a cigarette that’s been smoked. It’s the part with the filter and a tiny nub of tobacco. They are everywhere because cigarette smokers like to flick their butt when they finish smoking. As a consequence you will find cigarette butts littering the city streets and sidewalks, on beaches and on the sides of hiking trails, they are all over the place. You will find them anywhere a smoker can go and smokers can go anywhere. I have a theory that smokers aren’t deliberately leaving their garbage everywhere to be assholes, they only do it because they don’t want to get lost a la Hansel and Gretel.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Camel Crush

I’m not really a smoker. A cigarette smoker. But sometimes I will buy a pack and I don’t care what kind I get. I don’t care about the brand, I don’t care if they are cloves, regular cigarettes, or menthols. The other day I bummed a cigarette off a friend, and he happened to carrying a pack of Camel Crush. They are cigarettes with a mentholated capsule in the filter. So you light the cigarette, take a few drags, and then you crush the filter and you suddenly have a menthol. It’s a hybrid, it’s a mutant, and it’s the future. I didn’t even know they had that kind of cigarette technology. I’m not saying that you should smoke, but you really can’t go wrong with Camel Crush is you’re an amateur like me.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Taking Up Smoking

I’ve decided to take up smoking. I’m not trying to look cool, I’m not trying to influence any kids to do the same, and I’m not trying to impress anyone. Nope, I’m taking up smoking in order to get more breaks at work. I live in San Francisco and there are a lot of strict labor laws. I only get a thirty-minute break every 6 hours. My managers will raise a stink if they catch me sitting down in the break room while I’m on the clock. But I’ve noticed that smokers get an unofficial 5-10 minute break every hour without getting in any trouble. I want to get in on that action. I want to get paid for ignoring my customers, filling my lungs with smoke, and polluting the planet all at once. I think I would be good at that. So I bought a pack of cloves (because cigarettes aren’t hipster enough) and now I’m able to take breaks whenever I want to. And life has never been better. I wonder what other substances I can consume at work to make the time go faster…. Drugs are bad.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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You Gotta Keep an Eye on Your Lighter

There’s an endless debate between people who just smoke weed and people who just smoke cigarettes about which is better. One thing that they can both agree on is that you gotta keep an eye on your lighter. People will ask for a light and slip it in their pocket without even realizing it. It’s your lighter, you have to stay vigilant and know who borrowed it last. That thing can start a forest fire, you have to be responsible for it.

Critically Rated at 12/17

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