Tag Archives: straw

Plastic Drinking Straw Ban

Attention fellow residents of San Francisco: the plastic drinking straw ban officially comes into effect in July. I can’t wait. I’ve been serving and bartending for over a decade and can attest to how wasteful they are. People are weird about straws when they go out. They want them served with every soda and cocktail they order. They expect them. They demand them. It doesn’t matter that they don’t use straws at home, as soon as they leave the house they want all the straws they can get.

I’m in public. I can’t tilt the glass and take a sip. That’s barbaric. I need a plastic tube that I can throw away after one use. Fuck you, turtle. I hope it gets stuck in your nose and you die a slow, painful, and entirely unnecessary death. “Barkeep, another straw! And keep them coming!”

Americans are addicted to making trash. Banning plastic straws is a good thing. Let’s ban the Kardashians next.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Chasing Your Straw

You’re at the bar sipping on your Long Island Iced Tea and flirting with the girl next to you. You’re being funny, you’re being smart, and things are going well. Then you try to take a sip of your drink without breaking eye contact, but your straw refuses to cooperate and keeps moving around your glass. You look like a horse with peanut butter on the roof of its mouth. So you’re not too surprised when the girl rolls her eyes at you and goes off to find her friends. At least you still have your drink. Your dignity, not so much. There’s no way to look cool when you’re chasing your straw. Avoid the embarrassment and ditch the straw.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks

Kid’s Cup

A kid’s cup is a cup for a child or clumsy teenager. They are typically plastic with bright, colorful displays and a plastic lid with a straw to prevent spills. It’s one step up from a sippy-cup. They are fun when you’re little, but you start getting offended when you’ve hit double digits and you’re still getting a kid’s cup. You want the real thing. You want a glass or at least a cup without a lid. You’ve earned the right to spill on yourself, damn it.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Drinks