Tag Archives: juice

Orange Juice

Orange juice is juice made from oranges. You can drink it anytime you want, but most people consider it to be a breakfast beverage. It’s full of vitamin C, so it will help fight colds and stop scurvy. It’s also an essential ingredient for mimosas and screwdrivers. It tastes good, is beneficial to your health, and it makes a great mixer. No refrigerator is complete without it. Orange juice is commonly referred to as OJ. It’s the only juice that gets an abbreviated name. Apple juice is apple juice, not AJ. Pineapple juice is pineapple juice, not PJ. Cranberry juice is cranberry juice, not CJ. Grape juice is grape juice, not GJ. I don’t know why orange juice is the lone exception. You would think that Minute Maid and Tropicana would try to distance themselves from the term OJ after the whole incident involving a certain football player, two dead people, and a white Bronco, but I guess OJ is too established a term.
When you’re picking out orange juice, you have to pay attention to your pulp levels. So,e people love pulp, some people hate it, and some have no feelings toward it. No Pulp is always a safe option, but it’s boring. You want some pulp, just not too much. Luckily Some Pulp is actually an option. I think Tropicana makes it. It’s the ideal pulp level for mimosas.
Critically Rated at 13/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Capri Sun

Capri a Sun is a brand of juice drink blends marketed towards children. You can find them in lunch boxes and picnic baskets and Lunchables across the US. They don’t taste amazing, they aren’t that healthy, but they are fun. They come in sealed pouches with a plastic straw. There’s a designated place near the top of the pouch for you to punch the straw through, but all the cool kids punch the straw through the bottom of the bag. It looks cool but it’s not practical because then you can’t set it down at all. Capri Suns haven’t gone through too many changes from when I was a kid, but one noticeable addition are the clear-bottoms. That’s because a few years ago a bunch of moms found mold and bacteria in their kids’ Capri Suns. The clear-bottoms ensure that you can see the contents inside and you can see if you have a moldy juice blend or not. That’s progress.
Critically Rated at 11/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Chia Sweet Peach

Chia Sweet Peach is a chia and juice smoothie from Naked. Chia is the trendy new superfood these days. Yeah, it’s the same chia you know and love from Chia Pets. Only this time it’s in a smoothie, 10,000mg of it, along with peach juice, orange juice, mango juice, and apple juice. It’s delicious, fruity, and healthy for you. It’s great breakfast beverage. And it helps to eliminate hangovers. You know you’re not going to stop drinking, so at least be prepared by keeping one of these in the fridge. You’ll thank me when you wake up with a throbbing head.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Ocean Spray Cran-Lemonade

Ocean Spray Cran-Lemonade is a cranberry and lemonade juice cocktail. I like it. It tastes good and it’s refreshing. Cranberry juice and lemonade make a good team. Cranberries are tart, lemons are sour, and they go great together. This isn’t a healthy beverage. A 15.2 fluid ounce bottle has 53 grams of sugar. That’s a lot of Pixie Stix. It does have 100% of your daily Vitamin C content so there are some benefits I guess. Ocean Spray Cran-Lemonade is slightly more satisfying than your average lemonade hybrid. There are better tasting, more refreshing, and healthier lemonades on the market, but you shouldn’t be too picky about lemonade. There’s nothing wrong with settling for Ocean Spray.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Ocean Spray 100% Pineapple Peach Mango Juice Blend

Ocean Spray is primarily known for their cranberries and cranberry juices. But they’ve delved into other juice blends too. Juice blends like Pineapple Peach Mango. It’s a refreshing tropical juice medley made with pineapple juice concentrate, mango juice concentrate, peach puree concentrate, apple juice concentrate, and grape juice concentrate. That’s five concentrated fruits, which makes for a very focused juice. Ocean Spray 100% Pineapple Peach Mango Juice Blend is a solid alternative to orange juice. It’s a great breakfast beverage, especially on a hot day. It would also make a pretty good mixer for gin or vodka. Alcohol makes everything better.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Naked Berry Blast

Naked Berry Blast is a 100% juice smoothie with no added sugar, no preservatives, and it’s also vegan and gluten free. Despite all those drawbacks, it’s still a tasty beverage. Each Naked smoothie has an itemized breakdown of the fruits included. Berry Blast has 5 blackberries, 4 raspberries, 4 strawberries, 3 ½ apples, and ½ banana. You can taste the berries more than you can taste the apples and the banana. Blackberries and raspberries go well together, and strawberries make everything better, so it’s a pretty solid flavor medley. It tastes good and it’s good for you. It’s hard to beat that kind of winning combination.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Naked Peach Guava + Coconut Water

Naked makes all natural fruit juices, made with 100% juice and no sugar added. It’s healthy and delicious, not to mention it’s also gluten free, has no preservatives, and is vegan. But I don’t care about all the health bullshit, I care if it tastes good or not. And it tastes good. I got the Peach Guava + Coconut Water blend. It has ¾ of a peach, ¾ of a guava, ½ of a coconut’s water, 1/3 of a mango, ¾ of an orange, and ¾ of an apple. The peach, guava, and mango makes it tastes tropical, the coconut water gets kind of muted, but it makes the medley more refreshing. And it’s fun to say that I got Naked at the store. Or that I got Naked with your mom and she swallowed my sweet sticky juice. I can keep going with this. There’s nothing wrong with getting Naked. You should get Naked too and see what all the fuss is about. Everyone should get Naked and we can have a huge Naked party.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Welch’s Tropical Carrot

I’ll admit it, I only bought this juice because I wanted to experience a tropical carrot and see how it is different from a regular carrot. Tropical carrots just sound so much more exotic. So I had to grab it when I saw it at the store. Imagine my dismay when I found out that there were no tropical carrots in it, just regular carrots. They call it tropical because it also has white grape juice, mango puree, and pineapple juice. And somehow it manages to contain only 10% juice. I don’t know what else to say about this juice. It’s another average juice medley and it’s orange in color. I still want a tropical carrot.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Nantucket Nectars Pineapple Orange Guava

Nantucket Nectars Pineapple Orange Guava is a tropical fruit juice medley. It is a blend of pineapple, orange, and guava, and it also has apple, passionfruit and lemon juice, along with ascorbic acid and beta carotene (for flavor, as the label stresses). Sounds delicious and nutritious, huh? It has 100% of your required vitamin C intake and is 21% juice. That’s enough to fend off a cold. It makes a good mixer too. Nantucket is an island south of Cape Cod, Massachusetts. But Nantucket Nectars is based in Plano, Texas. I smell a conspiracy. All in all, it’s a pretty good juice but it’s not replacing Minute Maid anytime soon.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Parrot Brand Pink Guava Juice

Parrot Brand Pink Guava Juice is the best guava juice that I’ve ever had. I’ve had Kern’s Guava Juice before and it was pretty good and another time I had a real guava, but from now on it’s Parrot Brand Pink Guava Juice for me. It comes in a tall 16.4 oz  can (485 mL for my European friends). It’s sweet, refreshing, and has no preservatives. It’s only 30% juice, but it’s sweetened with real sugar cane and not high fructose corn syrup. It’s a healthier alternative to soda and it gives your taste buds a flavor rush. I’m surprised guava juice isn’t as popular as coconut water or POM. It has the potential to be the next trendy After-Yoga-Treat.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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V8 Juice

Not in the mood to eat veggies? Well, now you can drink your veggies. The future is now. V8 is 100% vegetable juice has two full servings of vegetables. It has tomato juice, carrot juice, celery juice, beet juice, parsley juice, lettuce juice, water crest juice, and spinach juice. If you’re paying attention, you’ll notice that’s eight vegetables. V8. Get it now? It tastes like cold Campbell’s tomato soup. If that doesn’t sound appetizing, it’s because it’s not. But it’s healthy for you. So drink to your health and swallow that shit.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Adding Water to Juice

A few months ago, I saw my friend pour himself a half glass of cranberry juice and then top it off with water. I laughed at him and then went home and copied him. In this economy, you need to get more bang for your buck. You need to stretch every dollar. Adding water to juice is a good way to save your money and have more to drink. Cranberry juice is already kind of bitter, if you dilute it with water it still tastes cranberryish. It’s good for babies and good for your budget. Don’t think of it as being cheap, consider it being frugal.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Steroids in Sports

As long as there have been games and sports there has been cheating. Cheating and competition go hand in hand. Anyone who has ever played Monopoly wants to be the banker. Why? To steal money when no one is looking and buy yourself choice properties. So when a professional athlete takes steroids to perform better, it’s understandable. They just want to win. And if they want to sacrifice their balls to do so, I think that’s pretty fair.

An athlete getting caught juicing is like seeing a mouse. When you see one, you can be sure that there’s a lot more. Not every player is taking roids. It’s not as rampant as the Bonds-Canseco-McGwire era. But there are still a lot of juicers; they are just smarter about not getting caught. Except Melky Cabrera. But pitchers are using steroids too. It’s still a level playing field.

Sports are entertainment. There’s drama and elation and characters and storylines to follow. You love your team, but if they don’t go to the championship it won’t ruin your life. You know what’s entertaining? 500 foot home runs. Big tackles. The Expendables 2. Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger take steroids and everyone pats them on the back.

My official opinion on steroids is: WHO THE FUCK CARES? People cheat. It sucks. Get over it. Anything is ok as long as you don’t get caught.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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