February 17, 2015 · 10:01 pm

Dredd (film)

Dredd is a 2012 sci-fi action film based on the comic Judge Dredd. It has nothing to do with the 1995 Sylvester Stallone flick. I was pretty weary of this film when it came out. It seemed like just another reboot. I didn’t have any expectations for this movie. In that regard, it was much better than I thought it would be. It stars Karl Urban (best known as Éomer, the horseback warrior in The Lord of the Rings or as Bones in the Star Trek reboot) as Judge Dredd and Lena Headey as the main villain.

Dredd is set in Mega-City One in a dystopic future. Crime is rampant. The only solution are Judges. They are judge, jury, and executioner. They are the law. Dredd is a Judge. He’s the main character. He’s tasted with seeing if a new recruit is worthy of being a Judge. They go out to investigate a triple homicide that’s part of a bigger scheme involving drugs and gangs and end up trapped in a giant skyscraper battling a powerful and eccentric villain. The plot is kind of like Training Day meets Die Hard, but with more explosions and less likeable characters.

Dredd is not a great film, however it’s still a solid action flick. It’s enjoyable. I would put it on the same level as Equilibrium. It’s not a game changer, but it deserves to be a cult classic. I liked it. I wouldn’t buy it or pay much money to watch it, but I wouldn’t change the channel if it was playing on TV.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 16, 2015 · 3:36 pm

Throw the Ball Back

I was skating to work the other day and saw a little girl stop to pick up a green thing. She was in my path so I slowed down partially so I wouldn’t wipe her out and partially to see what she found. As I got closer I realized that it was a tennis ball and that she was talking to a tall fence about ten feet high. The fence hid a couple of tennis courts and I heard a voice from the other side of the fence asking if she could throw that ball back. And she did. She was about five or six so it was a pretty impressive throw. I was more impressed that she knew to throw it back. It’s a relief to know that most kids are still being raised right. Throwing a ball back is an easy way to help out a stranger. It’s just what you’re supposed to do. If a stray Frisbee lands at your feet, you pick it up and sail it back. If a soccer ball rolls to you, you kick it back. Throw the ball back. Make someone else’s life easier.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 16, 2015 · 3:35 pm

The Last Puzzle Piece

The last puzzle piece is the most important one. It could take hours or days to finish a puzzle, put putting that last piece down provides immense satisfaction. When I was a kid I had a tendency to hide a puzzle piece whenever I was doing a puzzle with friends or family. I wanted to be the one who put the final piece into place. I wanted the glory of completing it. If that meant being a little dick and hiding a piece, so be it. I finished the puzzle. Everyone else just helped. I did it.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 15, 2015 · 5:44 pm

Sea Glass

I went to the beach today and I felt compelled to wade into the surf as usual. I let the waves crash into me as I scanned the sand for shells and bits of sea glass. Shells are cool and all, but I’m more interested in sea glass. I like the fact that nature is able to transform trash into something beautiful. The saltwater and jumbling waves turn jagged edges into smooth ones. The glass starts to lose its transparency and become more frosted, but sunlight can still shine through it. It’s nature improving upon mankind’s inventions. Normally you don’t want to see broken glass when you’re walking around barefoot but sea glass is the exception.
Critically Rated at 14/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 13, 2015 · 9:08 pm

Nude Scenes in Movies

I had a lengthy conversation with a couple of strangers at the bar today. We didn’t talk about sports or politics. We discussed nude scenes in movies. More specifically, which sexy Hollywood actresses were naked in a movie, which movie(s), how much you see, and what was depicted in those scenes. I don’t know how the conversation started, but we talked for a long time. We learned from each other. We kept naming different movies and actresses and what to watch on Netflix as soon as possible, but never once did we mention anything about the cinematography. And we knew surprisingly little about the plot details of the movies we were mentioning. That’s what happens when you only watch a few select scenes I guess. The next time there’s a lull in the conversation you should bring up nude scenes in movies. Awkward silence avoided. You’re welcome.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 13, 2015 · 8:48 pm

Rogue Sriracha Hot Stout Beer

Oregon’s Rogue Ales & Spirits presents Sriracha Hot Stout Beer. It’s exactly what it sounds like. It’s a stout brewed with Huy Fong Sriracha. They went all out on this beer. It looks like the iconic Huy Fong Sriracha bottle. It’s red, it has the rooster on it, and it even has a green bottle cap with its own little rooster. I spotted it while I was celebrating Beer Week at Rogue Ales Public House in San Francisco last night. The couple at the table next to me had it and I knew that I had to get it right away. I ordered a bottle for the table and we all went on a trip to flavor country. The aroma is of garlic, Sriracha, and chili peppers. It has hints of chocolate, roast coffee beans, maybe a little smoke, but the Sriracha flavor steals the show. It’s subtle at first and then the spiciness starts to sneak in, intensifying with each sip, just like Sriracha does. It lingers better than any other hot sauce. It’s good. I could drink a whole bottle, but I wouldn’t do two in a row. It’s a beer worth trying, so definitely grab it if you ever get the chance. It’s a cool beer and one that I will remember for a long time. I even kept the empty bottle (along with the cap) as a keepsake. It will look nice on my shelf and it’s a guaranteed conversation starter.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 11, 2015 · 12:54 pm

Spiked Hair and Hoodies

I have spiked hair and I wear hoodies. The two don’t really get along. If you try to put a hoodie on over spiked hair, you end up crushing your hair and destroying your spikes. I’ve learned that it’s best to put on your hoodie and then spike your hair. It’s a lot easier to take off a hoodie without destroying your spikes than it is to put one on. You can’t really wear the hood when you have spiked hair, but the hood is mostly for looks anyway. So is spiked hair though. You can’t do anything with your spikes. They aren’t like antlers or anything. You can’t use them to fight off other males looking for female attention. I realize now that spiked hair and hoodies isn’t the most logical fashion choice, but spiked hair looks cool and hoodies are comfy as fuck so I’m not changing. You can keep your bald head and cardigans.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 11, 2015 · 12:53 pm

A New Used Car

I got a new used car. It’s a 2000 Honda Civic. It was a family car, the same car I drove in high school. I learned how to drive stick on that car. So did a lot of my friends too. That car got around like Paris Hilton at a frat party. My little sister ended up with the car after everyone went to college and moved away from home. It was stolen in front of her house, she got a new car, and then they found her Civic. She didn’t need two cars so she offered it to me. I accepted, because I learned a long time ago that you don’t turn down free food or free vehicles. So now I have the same car that I practically lived in twelve years ago. It’s like driving a memory. Hell, it is driving a memory. I had so many adventures in that car. It’s crazy to think that I get to create more now. I can’t wait.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 10, 2015 · 8:52 pm

Cracking Your Knuckles

Cracking your knuckles is when you pop the joints in your hand. It makes an audible sound. It drives some people crazy but it’s oddly soothing to do it to your own hand. I crack my knuckles a few times a day. I do it as a form of stretching mostly, but sometimes I do it when I’m feeling nervous, anxious, or awkward (so it happens quite a bit as you can imagine). Some people claim that cracking your knuckles can cause arthritis, but that’s an old wives’ tale. A guy named Donald Unger cracked the knuckles on only one hand for more than sixty years and left the other hand alone and neither hand got messed up so it can’t be that bad for you. And Donald Unger had way too much time on his hands (pun intended, thank you very much).

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 8, 2015 · 6:08 pm

Refrigerator Magnets

Refrigerator magnets are magnets that live on the refrigerator. There are a lot of different types of refrigerator magnets. Some are advertisements for businesses, typically pizza places and real estate agents. There are alphabet magnets that you can use to write messages, so long as your message has no duplicate letters. There are souvenir magnets from states and national parks that you haven’t been to personally but someone you know did and they went to the gift shop and bought you a magnet instead of something cool like a pocketknife. You can use the magnets to display crappy kid art or to hold up the grocery list. Refrigerator magnets make refrigerators look more like refrigerators. Refrigerator magnets are my favorite garnish for any household appliance.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 8, 2015 · 6:07 pm

An Old Key

I have an old key on my key ring. It’s the key to a ratchet hotel that a bunch of my friends lived in for a few months during the summer of 2013. It’s a useless key. I don’t use it to open any doors. It serves no practical purpose. I know it takes up space on my key ring and in my pocket. But I won’t get rid of it. It’s a souvenir, a relic from a great time in my life. It’s a tangible memory that I can hold in my hand and use to snort blow in the bathroom while I’m clubbing. But mostly I keep it for the nostalgia factor. I’m not alone in keeping an old key. I know people who still have keys to old apartments or to the car they drove in college. You don’t want to live in the past, but there’s nothing wrong with hanging on to it.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 6, 2015 · 7:02 pm

That Last Bit of Deodorant

I wear deodorant because it smells good and sweat does not. I prefer Old Spice. I get the sticks and stay away from the gels. The gel is too mushy and squishy and takes a little longer to set in. Deodorant sticks go on smoother and seem to last longer. The only problem is when you get down to that last bit of deodorant, when the plastic starts to poke through and scrape your armpits when you apply it. You know that it’s time to go to the store and get more deodorant, but you’re too lazy so you fight through the pain and use it for as long as there are traces of the stick still remaining. Put off today what you can do tomorrow. Nobody is judging you.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 6, 2015 · 6:41 pm

Paying for an Umbrella

It was raining this morning as I left for work so I grabbed my umbrella. It’s a decent umbrella. It’s collapsible so it fits in my bag, it has a wrist strap, and it has a cover too. And I got it for free. Because I don’t believe in paying for an umbrella. You don’t buy umbrellas. You find them. That’s how it works. You come across them randomly and claim them as your own. Eventually you’ll leave that umbrella on the bus or at the coffee shop accidently and someone else will take it. Lots of restaurants have a bucket for wet umbrellas by the main entrance. If it’s a sunny day and you see an umbrella there, that shit is up for grabs. Or you can raid the lost & found at work on a rainy day. There are a million ways to get an umbrella. Paying for one shouldn’t be an option.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 5, 2015 · 8:13 pm

Crappy Kid Art

I’m at that precious age where about half my friends seem to be having kids. That means my Facebook feed is being constantly bombarded with pictures of kids and kid-related stuff posted by proud parents. And let me tell you, there are a lot of posts of crappy kid art. I’m sorry, but that doesn’t look like a dog at all. I wouldn’t have known that it was a dog if it wasn’t labeled as a dog. I’m not impressed. I could draw a dog way better than that. A friend of mine showed off a picture of her daughter’s rainbow. It wasn’t a rainbow at all. It wasn’t arched, it wasn’t layered, and the color scheme was all off. It was just a bunch of differently colored squiggly lines swirled together. A blind person with Parkinson’s disease could draw a better rainbow. Call me old fashioned, but I miss the old days when crappy kid art was confined to the refrigerator.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 5, 2015 · 8:09 pm

Helping Someone Play Solitaire

I don’t know what it is about watching someone play solitaire, but you feel compelled to hover over their shoulder and point out that the 6 of clubs can go on the 7 of hearts. Everybody is guilty of this at some point. You feel like you’re helping, but you’re really annoying them. You forget about how much it bugs you when someone else does it to you when you’re playing solitaire. We are all hypocrites at heart. Helping someone play solitaire is proof. Sometimes you’re actually helping them though. It’s not always easy to spot the obvious move. They will tell you to shut up and leave them alone, but as soon as you walk away they will take your advice and move the 6 of clubs to the 7 of hearts and silently thank you.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 4, 2015 · 9:00 pm

Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans

Hey kids, do you like Harry Potter? Remember that part where Harry and his pals eat jelly beans with crazy flavors? Well, thanks to Jelly Belly and product licensing, you can eat them too! There are traditional Jelly Belly flavors like Banana, Blueberry, Cherry, Lemon, Tutti-Fruiti, and Watermelon. But there are also awful flavors like Booger, Dirt, Earthworm, Grass, Rotten Egg, Sausage, Soap, and Vomit. You can mix and match the flavors to create exciting combinations like an Earthworm and Dirt. You can also eat Vomit and then get rid of the horrible taste with Soap. The best way to enjoy Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans is to give your friend a bad tasting jelly bean and watch how they react to it. You should film it if possible. Put it on YouTube if they freak out. It’s also fun to experience the flavors for yourself. They actually made candy that tastes like rotten eggs. How can you pass up an opportunity like that?

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 4, 2015 · 8:35 pm

Hearing an Old Song for the First Time

I work in a restaurant that plays music videos to keep our customers entertained. We have a pretty extensive collection of artists and songs and I’m constantly searching for songs that I’m not sick of or haven’t heard yet. I recently stumbled upon a song called “Barbie Eat a Sandwich” by a band called Care Bears on Fire. It’s catchy. And funny. So I started playing a couple of times each shift because I want as many people as possible to acknowledge it and appreciate it. It’s such a good song that I thought I would write a post about how awesome it is. Then I did some research and found out that it was first released in 2009. It’s 2015. I’m kind of behind the times. Hearing an old song for the first time puts you in a weird place. It gets stuck in your head, you find yourself humming it, singing the chorus, and wanting to share it with the world. But you know you can’t because you’re late to the game. It’s like telling your dad about The Beatles. He already knows about The Beatles. He wonders why you don’t know about The Beatles. He wonders while you’re telling him about The Beatles because it’s common knowledge to him. I’m not comparing The Beatles to Care Bears on Fire; I’m just trying to prove my point with a metaphor. Well, technically it’s a simile, but a metaphor is like a simile.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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