Tag Archives: movies

December 18, 2016 · 3:35 pm

Home Videos

When I was a senior in high school I bought an iMac and a video camera and started filming my life for the next couple of years. I took my camera everywhere. I brought it when my friends and I would drive aimlessly around town staving off boredom. I brought it to school. I brought it on vacations. I brought it with me when I went to college. Literally everywhere. I would edit the footage and make home videos to give to friends and family. I’m glad  I did all that because I documented some of the best years of my life. 

My girlfriend saw some of my DVDs in my movie collection and begged me to show them to her. I popped one in and got to relive the last few months of high school when I was suffering from senioritis and filming Jackass-inspired stunts on campus instead of going to class. I got to relive my epic trip to Yosemite with twenty-something friends and remembered how grueling the hike to Half Dome was and how relaxing lounging riverside was. 

The memories came flooding back.  I saw friends that I’m still in touch with, some that I’ve lost contact with, and a few that are no longer with us. It was good to see them again. It’s a good thing I was nerdy enough to film my life for a few years. So many good times with good people caught on tape, preserved for as long as I have a working DVD player.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 1, 2015 · 8:40 pm

Looking Forward to a Movie and Never Seeing It

Looking forward to a movie and never seeing it seems to be the new trend. Movie theater attendance is the lowest that it’s been in twenty years according one article that I read on the internet but I believe it. I used to love going to the movies. I would see a new movie practically every week. Now I only see a new movie every few months, usually about three or four a year. Hollywood has gotten lazy, theaters have gotten more expensive, and there are plenty of better things to do on a Friday night. I still watch movie trailers online though. I like to know what’s coming out and who is in it. Most movies look interesting enough, but I find that my interest has waned when it finally comes out. You only have a two week window to see a new movie before it’s not a topic of discussion anymore and thus not worth watching. There were a lot of blockbusters that I wanted to see this summer like Jurassic World, Ant-Man, Mad Max: Fury Road, Inside Out, Straight Outta Compton, but I only ended up seeing Avengers: Age of Ultron. I saw one movie all summer and that’s it. I’m not the only one. It seems that more and more people are looking forward to a movie and never seeing it, at least not in the theaters. It’s not worth the time or the money to go to the movies anymore.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Movies

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February 13, 2015 · 9:08 pm

Nude Scenes in Movies

I had a lengthy conversation with a couple of strangers at the bar today. We didn’t talk about sports or politics. We discussed nude scenes in movies. More specifically, which sexy Hollywood actresses were naked in a movie, which movie(s), how much you see, and what was depicted in those scenes. I don’t know how the conversation started, but we talked for a long time. We learned from each other. We kept naming different movies and actresses and what to watch on Netflix as soon as possible, but never once did we mention anything about the cinematography. And we knew surprisingly little about the plot details of the movies we were mentioning. That’s what happens when you only watch a few select scenes I guess. The next time there’s a lull in the conversation you should bring up nude scenes in movies. Awkward silence avoided. You’re welcome.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Showgirls-1995-movie-poster

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May 7, 2014 · 11:52 am

Movie Tickets Should Cost Five Bucks

I used to love going to the movie theater as a kid. I probably saw about twenty to twenty-five movies at the cinema a year. Now I probably go about four or five times a year. It’s not worth going anymore. Going to the movies is an experience that illegal streaming can’t compete with, but Hollywood has gotten too damn lazy and everything else is too damn expensive. I live in a city where movie tickets cost fifteen to twenty bucks and popcorn and a soda costs another ten bucks. You end up paying thirty bucks to watch a shitty movie that you could have watched for free online. That’s the problem, but I have a solution. Make all the tickets five bucks. I’d be a lot more willing to see a movie, any movie, if it only cost five bucks. And I would go to the movies a lot more often. These days fewer and fewer people are going to the movies, so Hollywood keeps raising ticket prices to maintain a profit. They will keep raising prices, causing even fewer people to go. That’s a business plan that can’t succeed. Five-dollar tickets seems like an easy fix.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

MovieTheater

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April 13, 2014 · 12:10 pm

Post-Credits Scene

A post-credits scene is a bonus scene that pops up after the film credits roll. Most of the time it’s just a promotion for a potential sequel, but occasionally it adds some merit to the plotline of the film. It seems like a new gimmick made to establish the Marvel Universe these days, but post-credits scenes have been a part of Hollywood for decades now. Ferris Bueller told you that the movie was over and that it’s time to go home. Superman promised that Superman would return in Superman II. Post-credits scenes used to mean something and they get you revved up for a potential sequel. Now you wait for fifteen minutes to see the Avengers eating shawarma. Times have changed. But the post-credits scene is going to stick around for awhile. You better get used to it.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

G0UHJl

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February 10, 2014 · 12:16 pm

Based On A True Story

Films are fantasy, not facts. You should be weary of any movie that claims to be based on a true story. It just means that something similar happened in real life once upon a time. Cool Runnings is based on a true story in that there was actually a Jamaican bobsled team, but most of the events in the film are completely fabricated or totally skewed. The Exorcist is supposedly based on a true story, but I haven’t seen anybody capable of twisting their head around 360 degrees or spider-walking downstairs lately. You should watch a fucking documentary if you want to see a film that really is based on a true story, but even then you have to remember that there are two sides to every story and Michael Moore only gives you one. Anything that claims to be based on a true story is a lie, history included. There is no truth in a story, that’s why it’s called a story. It’s made up, it’s a fabrication, it’s a lie.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 20, 2013 · 10:43 am

Pretending That You’ve Seen A Movie You Haven’t Seen

People are habitual liars. We lie all the time. We lie about important things and we lie about unimportant things. We lie just to lie. We even lie about the movies we’ve seen and the books we’ve read. Pretending that you’ve seen a movie you haven’t seen is one of the most common lies told. You’ll be at a party and everyone is talking about the new George Clooney flick that you haven’t seen or heard about, but you don’t want to feel left out. You join the conversation even though you have no idea what to say, so you just stammer out a bunch of bullshit about how you like the dialog and the chemistry between the actors. You’ll feel slightly ashamed that you’re lying about something so trivial, but not enough to prevent you from lying. Movies are a shared experience, they are a common bond, they connect people. People lie about seeing a movie because they just want to feel involved.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 10, 2013 · 12:55 pm

Keeping 3D Glasses

Movies are an escape, and that’s why you will occasionally pay a bunch of money to watch a blockbuster in IMAX 3D. You want to immerse yourself in a fantasy, and 3D films help to do that. You’re supposed to return the 3D glasses after the movie ends, but that doesn’t always happen. Maybe you forgot to return them or maybe you wanted a souvenir. Either way, I’ve noticed that a lot of people end up keeping 3D glasses and I don’t know why. I have about 4 pairs of 3D glasses in my room. I have IMAX 3D glasses, I have Real3D glasses, I even have the classic one with the red and blue lenses that you grew up with. And all of those glasses are useless to me because they aren’t compatible with anything in my apartment. They just sit there gathering dust. I’m never going to use them for anything. The only place where I can use them is at the cinema, and I wouldn’t bring them because they will just give me a new pair of 3D glasses (which I will also take home). Keeping 3D glasses might be a sign of a kleptomaniacal hoarder, but I’m ok with who I am. And they’re not getting their 3D glasses back.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 2, 2013 · 11:24 am

RunPee

Going to the movies these days is a big deal. Tickets are expensive, the snacks and candy are expensive, the sodas are expensive… a 3-D IMAX movie for two people plus food can easily set you back fifty bucks. So it sucks when you’re watching a movie and you have to go to the bathroom. You don’t know when to get up and go. You paid and arm and a leg to watch this blockbuster and don’t want to miss the part where Superman destroys Metropolis. RunPee solves this problem. It’s a website and a downloadable app that tells you when to go. You select which movie you’re seeing, and it gives you a few options for the best time to go, like 47 minutes into the film when so-and-so says something, or an hour and twelve minutes into the film when another character makes a quip. And then it will tell you if you have three minutes or five minutes to use the bathroom. It even gives you a brief summary of what you missed. The app costs 99 cents. It’s worth every penny (yes, all 99 of them). The app comes with a timer so you don’t have to be glancing at your phone constantly. It will also tell you if there’s anything after the credits. It even dims your phone so you don’t disturb anyone else while using it. It’s a pretty handy app, and well worth getting if you’re a film junkie with a small bladder.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 29, 2013 · 10:12 am

Sitting in the Front Row

We went to the movies the other night and we got there kind of late. There were no open seats except for in the front row. We briefly debated returning our tickets and getting our money back, but then we decided to suck it up and sit in the front. Sitting in the front row makes you feel like you’re a little kid staring at the TV from a foot away. The screen is so big and wide that you physically have to move your head around in order to follow the action. You get a crick in your neck from constantly tilting your head back and you leave the theater all sore, like you were working out instead of sitting on your ass in the dark for two hours. Sitting in the front row is your punishment for smoking in the parking lot beforehand. Bring an edible next time.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 5, 2012 · 9:59 am

Bonus Features

Movies are cool, and sometimes you like a movie enough to buy it on Blu-ray or DVD. When you get a Blu-ray or DVD, you expect more than just the movie. We demand bonus features. If you like a movie, you are going to watch it more than once. Sometimes you get bored of watching the movie over and over again. So you might want to turn on the director/actor’s commentary and watch the movie with the filmmakers telling you how they made it. The best movies have a second disc of only bonus features. Now you can see all the behind the scenes stuff. You can see how they developed the story, the concept art, how they designed the practical and special effects, and about music and sound effects, basically everything that goes into making a major motion picture.

I like movies because they tell stories. I like bonus features because they tell the stories behind making the story. There’s something Zen about that.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 22, 2012 · 10:15 am

Watching Movies on TV

Most people like movies. It’s pretty cool to sit on your ass and be transported to a different world and to live vicariously through the people on the screen. The best way to watch a movie is to go to the movie theater. Some people prefer watching a movie at home on Blu-ray/DVD or stream it from Netflix or Hulu. Some people rely on premium movie channels like HBO. HBO is ok because they don’t cut out anything or have commercials. For the most part, watching movies on TV is the worst way to go. You should avoid movies on basic cable channels. A movie’s pacing is important, and it gets destroyed with the constant commercial breaks. Movies need momentum, and each time Andy Dufresne does something uplifting and it cuts to some bitch pitching dog food you can’t care about the character as much. Sometimes they have to cut out violent scenes and vulgar dialog. They replace cool lines, no matter how essential to the movie it is. If John McClane doesn’t say “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker,” then you aren’t watching Die Hard.

Critically Rated at 4/17

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