Tag Archives: talking

Talking About Work After Work

The other day I clocked out of work after a double shift, went directly to the bar with a few coworkers, and we discussed the day’s events over round after round. We talked about customers, managers, scheduling, who does side work, who slacks off, the horror stories, the personal triumphs, who is hooking up with who, who is getting promoted, who is getting in trouble, and everything in between. Because that’s what we do after work. We talk about work. It’s not ideal but it’s unavoidable. I spend five or six days a week at work, as do my coworkers, and they are all fun and down to hang out so we hang out and inevitably end up talking about work after work. There’s no escape. It’s a vicious cycle. Case in point: Today is my day off and I’m writing about talking about work after work. FML.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Sleep Talking

Sleep talking is when someone talks in their sleep. It’s pretty common and it happens a lot. Some people talk in their sleep every single night, some people do it every once in a while, and I’m pretty sure that everyone does it at least once in their life. Sometimes sleep talkers make sense, sometimes they don’t, sometimes you understand them clearly, and sometimes they are just speaking gibberish. It’s pretty funny hearing your friend or lover talking in their sleep because you can make fun of them the next morning. It’s kind of scary to find out that you talk in your sleep because it means your subconscious is in control. You can’t filter what you are saying. Your carefully crafted house of lies could suddenly collapse with a single slip of your sleeping tongue. The best way to avoid sleep talking is to avoid sleeping entirely. That’s why the good lord invented caffeine and cocaine.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Don’t Talk With Your Mouth Full

Don’t talk with your mouth full. “But why not?” you ask, with food dribbling down the side of your face. Because it’s gross and because you’re not a fucking five-year-old. I don’t want to hear you chewing and chomping and smacking your lips as we make idle conversation. And I don’t appreciate the specks of your chewed food splattering on my face. It’s bad enough I have to listen to you talk, but this is really pushing it. Chew with your mouth closed. It’s common sense and it’s common courtesy. You should masturbate behind a closed door, and you should masticate behind a closed mouth. Nobody wants to see what’s going on in there. Close your mouth, swallow your food, and then you can join the conversation.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Talking to Yourself

It’s completely normal to talk to yourself. It just feels weird when you catch yourself doing it. It’s even weirder when someone else catches you doing it. Then you have to wonder what you just said and if it can be misconstrued as psychotic. The best way to handle the situation is to constantly talk to yourself so other people expect it of you. In fact, you should get mad when other people talk to you because they just interrupted the conversation you were having with yourself.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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