Monthly Archives: November 2013

November 13, 2013 · 6:31 pm

Canadian Quarters

Canadian quarters are quarters from Canada. They look deceptively like a regular American quarter. They are the same size, the same shape, and the same color. But it’s a moose instead of George Washington. George Washington is on the American quarter because he was the first President of the United States, commander-in-chief of the Continental Army, and a founding father. Canada chose a moose because they were discovered by a moose. Canadian quarters are quite useful if you’re in Canada, but they are completely worthless and useless once they cross over the border. I don’t want it if I can’t use it for parking, laundry, or buying a gumball. Keep your quarters Canada; they’re not welcome here.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 13, 2013 · 6:27 pm

Heretic Evil Twin

Evil Twin is a bold West Coast Red Ale from Pittsburg, California’s Heretic Brewing Co. I just cracked it open and my nostrils were instantly hit by a strong whiff of grass, grapefruit, and hops. It tastes malty, with caramel, banana, toffee, and bitter hops to balance it out. You can also get a bit of grapefruit and apricot flavor as well. It has a crisp, creamy, and smooth mouthfeel, with a moderate amount of carbonation. It’s a nice red ale, with a decent 6.8% ABV. It would be better if it was stronger, but it’s still a very well-rounded brew. They should rename it though. It’s nowhere near as malicious as it sounds. It’s quite approachable and very drinkable. Give it a chance if you can.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 12, 2013 · 7:24 pm

Ninkasi Maiden The Shade

Maiden The Shade is a limited release IPA from Oregon’s Ninkasi Brewing Company. It’s a clever name for a beer, it’s got a little pun action going on and everyone appreciates a good pun. The artwork on the label is pretty cool. There’s a Medusa-looking maiden sitting underneath a tree made of hops with a devil butterfly creeping up on her. It smells of citric hops, pineapple, grapefruit, mango, floral, and spice. It tastes of pine and citric hops with a slight bread malt flavor. Its bitterness is counterbalanced with subtle fruit sweetness. It’s got a 6.8% alcohol content, which is on the lower side of acceptable for a limited release microbrew IPA. All in all, this is a solid beer. But I wouldn’t go out of my way to get it again.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 12, 2013 · 8:53 am

Replacement Dogs

Replacement dogs are dogs that you get to fill a void. Your parents get replacement dogs when all the kids have moved out and/or when the family pets have passed away. I’ve been out of my parent’s house for a few years now, and it seems like I’m greeted by a new dog every time I come home for Christmas. Replacement dogs are weird. They are family dogs that don’t know that you’re a part of the family. They can sense enough to know that you’re not an intruder, but they have no idea why you’re sitting on their spot on the couch. They are a reminder that life has a way of slogging on. Fido isn’t going to be around forever, but there’s always a Rex waiting in the wings. And when Rex bites the dust, Spot is ready for his chance to shine. Replacement dogs are the real circle of life.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 11, 2013 · 8:30 pm

Police Squad! (TV show)

Police Squad! was a 1983 TV comedy series starring Leslie Nielsen as Detective Frank Drebin. It only lasted six episodes before it was cancelled, but it become a cult classic and also spawned the Naked Gun film trilogy. Police Squad! is a comedy in every sense of the word. It works because of Leslie Nielsen’s deadpan delivery, even during the midst of the absolute absurd. David Zucker, Jerry Zucker, and Jim Abrahams created this show, which is a good sign, because they are the comedic masterminds behind Airplane! If you’re a fan of Airplane!, you’re a fan of this show.

The Naked Gun movies and Police Squad are very similar. The movies reuse a lot of the same jokes, and they both have the same style of humor. Some of the same characters show up in both, but they casted a few different actors. For instance, Alan North and Peter Lupus played Captain Ed Hocken and Officer Nordberg in the show, but they were replaced by George Kennedy and O.J. Simpson in the films.

This show was ahead of its time. It was too smart for TV. Audiences didn’t know how to respond to it, and the network didn’t know how to advertise it. So it got cancelled. I will never understand how shows like Police Squad!, Firefly, and Freaks and Geeks get cancelled during the first season, but Jersey Shore gets a six-season runtime.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 11, 2013 · 7:53 pm

Pixie Cut

A pixie cut is a popular hairstyle for women, but it shouldn’t be. It’s a short haircut along the sides and back of the head, and slightly longer on the top. Pixie cuts are super trendy right now for some stupid reason and I don’t know why. Girls are supposed to have long hair. Very few girls can pull off a pixie cut and still look good. Emma Watson had one. Beyoncé had one. Jennifer Lawrence just got one. They are all insanely gorgeous women with a terrible haircut in common. None of them can make it work. You shouldn’t even attempt it unless your name is Tinker Bell. You’ll end up looking like Peter Pan. The problem with a pixie cut is that it looks like a little boy’s haircut. And it’s hard for women to look sexy if they look like a little boy. If you want to look like a school boy, go ahead and get a pixie cut. But don’t stop there. The look isn’t complete until you also get a set of baggy overalls and a pair of Doc Martens. You can accessorize further with a slingshot in your back pocket. There, now you’re dressed to impress.

Critically Rated at 2/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 10, 2013 · 2:20 pm

Discovering a New Bar

People like to drink, especially in social settings. That’s why there are multiple bars in almost every single city and town around the world. There are classy bars, dive bars, sports bars, bars that you frequent, and bars that you avoid. Most people have a default bar or two, a place where you know the bartenders and they know you. The problem with being a regular is that you don’t bother going to other bars that you aren’t familiar with. Sometimes you have to take a chance and go to a different bar, you have to see what else is out there. I went to a going-away party for my friend’s last night in the city, and we went to a bar of his choice. It was a bar that I’ve never been to or even heard of. They had about fifty beers on tap, all microbrews. They even had Pliny the Elder. You know it’s a good bar if they have Pliny the Elder. It blew my mind that I had never been there before. Discovering a new bar that you like is a wakeup call, a reminder that you’re missing out on things by sticking to a routine. Discovering a new bar means forgetting an old one.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 10, 2013 · 2:19 pm

Pliny the Elder (beer, not the Roman philosopher)

Pliny the Elder is the flagship beer from the Russian River Brewing Company. It’s widely considered to be the best Double IPA on the market. It’s proof that God loves us and wants us to drink. It’s a perfect beer. It has a fresh pine scent, with grapefruit and floral notes. Upon the first sip, you’re hit by piney hops and bready malt flavors, with hints of grapefruit. It’s got an 8% ABV, but you can’t tell because it’s so refreshing and easy to drink. People go crazy for this beer, and for good reason. It’s hard to find, so consider yourself lucky if you ever come across it. Don’t hesitate to buy it, it will change your life. I would consider it the best beer of all time, but Russian River also makes a magical beer called Pliny the Younger. It’s a Triple IPA with a 10.5% alcohol content that is only available on draft at a few select locations near their brewery, and it’s only available for two weeks in February. It’s on my bucket list. Until then, I’ll just have to settle for Pliny the Elder, but I’m ok with settling on perfection.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 9, 2013 · 8:55 am

Thor: The Dark World (film)

Thor: The Dark World is the sequel to Marvel’s Thor. Chris Hemsworth is back as the titular Asgardian, along with Tom Hiddleston as Loki, Sir Anthony Hopkins as Odin, and the always stunning Natalie Portman as Jane Foster. Alan Taylor (The Emperor’s New Groove) takes over the director’s chair for Kenneth Branagh, and you can tell that there’s someone new in charge. Thor was a character-driven action film with deep Shakespearean themes. Thor: The Dark World is a special effects-driven action film with a lot of loud noises. There are a lot of familiar characters, there are a couple of new characters, and there are a lot of fight scenes but you don’t know what is at stake, so you don’t care what happens.

The second movie in a superhero franchise is usually the best film because you already know the characters and you can get to the good stuff right away. Spider-Man 2, X2, the list goes on and on. But Thor: The Dark World is a step backward. There are a lot of good things about this movie. It has cool action scenes. Natalie Portman is pretty. The climatic battle practically redeems the whole movie. But the problem is that you don’t give a fuck about any of the characters. You just wonder where Iron Man is. It’s worth seeing; just don’t expect it to be better than The Avengers.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 9, 2013 · 8:53 am

Moylan’s Kilt Lifter Scotch-Style Ale

Moylan’s Brewery from Novato, California presents Kilt Lifter Scotch-Style Ale. It’s a good beer from a good brewery. It’s a solid 8% ABV, but you can’t taste the alcohol. It has a robust malty flavor with caramel and toffee notes, as well as dark fruit and hop spice. You also get hints of Scotch whiskey, smoke, and earthiness. It smells bready and malty with Scotch, toffee, caramel, and plum aromas competing for your nose’s attention. It is mildly carbonated and has a smooth, creamy mouthfeel. There are a lot of things to like about this beer. It’s a beer that you can sip and discuss. I think you should try it. You can thank me later.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 8, 2013 · 8:51 am

Looking at Old Pictures

Not many things make you more nostalgic than looking at old pictures. Yesterday my friend sent me a bunch of pictures of us that I’ve never seen before. Each picture takes me back to a different time, a different place, to a moment in time when all that mattered was that particular moment. Time is linear, but your memories are not. Some memories stick out more than others. You can remember things you did ten years ago in vivid detail, but you’ll forget what you had for lunch yesterday. Your memory is not perfect. But looking at old pictures will make you recall and remember things that you’ve forgotten about. Looking at old pictures is like stepping into a time machine and going back to the good old days, back to when the past was still the present. You can’t go back in time, but you can always reminisce.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 8, 2013 · 8:48 am

High Water Brewing Hop Riot IPA

Hop Riot IPA is an India Pale Ale from San Jose’s High Water Brewing. It has a floral hop with hints of citrus and spices and malt. It has a bitter taste thanks to the grapefruit and pine hops, and it’s mellowed out by a malty backbone. There is a subtle orange flavor that gets stronger as you keep drinking. I don’t know why they call it Hop Riot IPA. You can taste the hops, but they aren’t rioting. It’s just your standard IPA, there’s nothing that really stands out about this beer. Its Alcohol by Volume content is a 7.3%, which is not that strong for a microbrewed IPA. This is High Water Brewing’s flagship beer, and it doesn’t get me excited for their other offerings. It’s alright. It’s decent. But you have made some major mistakes in life if this is your favorite beer.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 7, 2013 · 10:44 am

Speeding Up At a Yellow Light

You’re driving along and you’re approaching an intersection with a traffic light. A green light means that you can go. A red light means that you have to stop. A yellow light means that the light is about the change to red. And instead of slowing down, you speed up. There’s no way in hell that you’re going to be stuck at the light Speeding up at a yellow light is not only acceptable, it’s expected. Drivers have been speeding up at yellow lights for as long as there have been yellow lights to speed through. As long as there have been traffic lights, there are been impromptu road races whenever the yellow light makes an appearance. It’s an annoying practice that predates ignoring your turn signals and not checking the rearview mirror.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 7, 2013 · 10:41 am

Old Trapper Chipotle Carne Seca (Hot Picante) Beef Jerky

            Chipotle Carne Seca (Hot Picante) Beef Jerky is a hot and spicy jerky. It’s made of beef and made by the good people at Old Trapper. When you open the bag, the peppers and spices are quite noticeable. It smells intense but the flavor is a little more muted than what I was expecting. One piece isn’t that hot, but two pieces make you start to sweat a little bit, and three pieces will make you run for a glass of water. The spiciness creeps up on you and it lingers on your tongue for a few minutes. I was hoping that it would be insanely hot and it’s not, but it’s still pretty hot. Each piece of jerky is nice cut, not too thick and not too thin. Some pieces were dry and crumbly so it loses a few brownie points for that, but all in all, this is a good jerky.

            Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 6, 2013 · 10:34 pm

The Coolest Music Video You Will See All Day

This is a cool Lorde/Tupac/Beck Mashup by Pomplamoose. I went to school with Jack Conte back in the day… he was always talented and creative, but this takes it to a new level.

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November 6, 2013 · 8:59 am

House Party

Parties are fun, but it’s hard to top a good house party. House parties are awesome because there is no guest list, there is no dress code, there is no last call, and there is no closing time. You don’t have to get your wrist stamped or worry about reentry if you go out for a smoke break. You get to control the music so you don’t have to suffer through a crappy DJ’s shitty set. The only downside is that you have to bring your own booze, but that still saves you money. A hundred bucks will get a lot more alcohol from the liquor store than it will get you at the bar. People have fun at bars and clubs, but they go nuts at house parties. It’s all friends and no strangers, so you feel more comfortable, relaxed, and less afraid of embarrassing yourself, and that means you’ll be drinking harder and longer than you would if there was a bouncer watching you. There are always a couple fun drinking games going on, a few random hookups to laugh about, and hundreds of random conversations about nothing to jump in to. The night goes on and on, and people start passing out and sleeping wherever they find a quiet corner to disappear in. Eventually the sun starts to rise, the party ends, and you get a smile on your face whenever you remember that night.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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November 6, 2013 · 8:57 am

It’s Not Illegally Parking If Someone Stays In the Car

Have you ever noticed that it’s perfectly ok to double park or park in a handicap spot without a placard if someone stays in the car? I’m pretty sure it’s still not legal to do that, but most cops will look the other way if someone stays in the car. It’s proof that you’re there temporarily and that you’ll be leaving in a minute. It might be a bit of an inconvenience to other drivers, but they do it too. Only the surliest of drivers will honk at you and scream at you to move your car. Don’t give in to assholes though… give them the finger and tell them to fuck off. And stay in your spot. Remember: it’s not illegally parking if someone stays in the car. Leave your baby in the backseat the next time you go grocery shopping and save yourself the hassle of searching for a spot.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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