Instant Friend Request

You go to a party with a friend and meet a bunch of new random people. You have a few beers, a few laughs, and then you call it a night and go home. You wake up the next morning and check Facebook and you have a new friend request. You’re intrigued and you click on it, and you find out that it’s from that weird guy that debated about Marvel vs. DC with you the night before. You’re not sure if you should accept his request or deny it, so you ignore it. An instant friend request is always an awkward situation. I don’t know you. I just met you. Why are you stalking me on Facebook? And how did you find out my full name? How desperate are you to socialize? I was just being friendly, I wasn’t trying to be your friend.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Bluetooth Headset

A Bluetooth headset is a small device that fits in your ear used for short-range voice transmission. You’ll typically find them on businessmen, cab drivers, and douchebags. There is no way to use a Bluetooth headset without looking pretentious. The problem with them is that you never know if the douchebag is talking to you or to someone else. They will suddenly ignore you in the middle of a conversation because their phone rings, but you can’t tell that the phone rang. You’ll think that they are still talking to you so you respond to them, and they point to their Bluetooth headset like you’re an idiot. People complain about how everyone is so absorbed in technology that there isn’t any real human interaction anymore. Bluetooth headsets and smart phones have a lot to do with that, but you can use a smart phone without looking like a tool. You can’t do that with Bluetooth in your ear. It’s a social deterrent. Bluetooth headsets are only acceptable if you are working or driving. But you’ll still look like a douchebag.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Losing a Tooth

Losing a tooth is awesome when you’re a kid. Losing a tooth is terrible when you’re an adult. When you’re a kid, losing a tooth means a visit from the Tooth Fairy and getting money. When you’re an adult, losing a tooth means a visit to the dentist and spending money. When you’re a kid, losing a tooth means another one will grow in its place. When you’re an adult, losing a tooth means dentures. I guess that I’m trying to say that losing a tooth has lost its allure. There was a time when I would have loved losing a tooth. Now it’s something I worry about. I miss the days when I was still immortal and regenerative.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Theme Song

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is a popular TV show that launched Will Smith into stardom. It ran for six seasons and now airs in syndication. It’s one of those shows that always seems to be on some channel or another no matter what time of the day it is. The show is entertaining, but the highlight of each episode is the theme song. It sets up the premise of the show and tells the story of how Will’s life got twisted upside down. It involves playing basketball outside of the school, getting in one little fight, and his scared mom sending him to live with his aunt and uncle in Bel-Air. Everyone thinks that they know the whole song, but the show cuts out a few stanzas that you didn’t know existed. You can listen to the whole thing on YouTube if you really want to. I’m not going to stop you. The show is good. The song is better.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Birthday Buddies

It’s always cool meeting somebody who has the same birthday as you. You instantly have a bond, a connection. You are birthday buddies. The world is a big place but it seems a lot smaller when you find someone who came into existence the same day that you did. It happened to me the other night. I was grabbing a drink with some coworkers after work and one of them brought along a friend. The friend mentioned that her birthday was coming up next week. My birthday is coming up next week too, so I asked her when it was. She said April 29th. I told her it was mine too. She asked for proof. I showed her my ID and she showed me hers. Once it was verified that we were birthday buddies, we raised our glasses and we toasted to Tauruses everywhere. There are billions of people on the planet and only 365 days (sometimes 366 days) each year, so you share your birthday with millions of people. You just have to find out who they are.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Banging Your Head

You’re brushing your teeth and you left medicine cabinet door open so you remember to floss when you accidently drop the cap to the toothpaste. You bend down to grab it, you do, you stand back up, and you smack your skull right on the cabinet door. You see a flash of light, an explosion of stars, you feel lightheaded, and your eyes start to water. BAM! OW! OUCH! Banging your head is not fun. There are lots of ways to bang your head, and there are lots of things to bang your head against. All of them suck. And if you’ve ever experienced a concussion you seriously consider wearing a helmet in everyday life. Maybe that’s not such a bad idea. I know more than a few people who could benefit from a safety helmet.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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42 (film)

42 is a 2013 biopic about Jackie Robinson. It was written and directed by Brian Helgeland, and it stars Chadwick Boseman as Jackie Robinson and Harrison Ford as Branch Rickey. The film focuses primarily on Robinson breaking the color barrier in Major League Baseball. The film starts with Branch Rickey, the President and GM of the Brooklyn Dodgers, making the bold decision to bring a black player to the major leagues. He only has to find the right one, someone with talent, skill, and the ability to take abuse without fighting back. He finds what he’s looking for in a young player named Jackie Robinson.

Jackie must endure racism and prejudice from his own teammates, other teams, managers, fans, and the media on his path to breaking the color barrier. He experiences things what would make anybody break but he handles it all with grace and class, keeping his mouth shut and letting his bat do the talking. And all the way he inspires people. He changes people. He changes the world. And he does it playing baseball.

Chadwick Boseman does a serviceable job playing the legendary Jackie Robinson. He doesn’t stand out but he doesn’t take anything away. I couldn’t name an actor that could do it better off the top of my head, but nothing about his portrayal really grips you. Harrison Ford is a scene-stealer as always. He growls and chews his way through his lines. Alan Tudyk’s brief appearance as Ben Chapman, the racist manager of the Philadelphia Phillies, also deserves recognition.

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           42 is not a perfect film. It’s not a hundred percent accurate and they take some liberties in telling the story. That’s to be expected. It’s a Hollywood biopic, not a documentary. Jackie disappears during a few parts of the movie and it becomes The Branch Rickey Story far too often. Yeah, Branch Rickey played a huge part in racial integration but I wanted to see a movie about Jackie Robinson, not another flick about a rich white guy. There’s also an unnecessary scene involving homoerotic showering that left me scratching my head. Jackie’s teammate seems way too interested in seeing Jackie naked. Like way too interested. I also wish that they showed more things from Jackie’s career like other black players entering the game and when he was finally tenured enough to be able to fight back.

It’s still a good movie. I would recommend it. The good outweighs the bad and it’s important to recognize and honor Jackie Robinson. The movie depicts him in a positive light and you’ll respect him more after you watch it. But this film only gives you a glimpse of his life and he did a lot of great things that aren’t included in the two-hour running time. I want more. I demand a sequel.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Text From a Stranger

I got a text yesterday from someone asking me if I was going to the park. I said I wasn’t planning on it. They said alrighty, and that was the end of the conversation. The only thing that bugs me is that I don’t know who I was talking to. I didn’t recognize the number and I can’t figure out who it was. I never delete texts from my phone so I was able to check my history. It turns out I had a previous conversation with that number fourteen months ago, and they asked if I was going to work that night. I can only assume that it’s a coworker that I don’t care about. But that’s only a guess. I have no clue who the real culprit is. An anonymous text is an unfortunate side effect of modern technology. Caller ID can only take you so far.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Hoptologist DIPA

Hoptologist DIPA is a Double India Pale Ale from California’s Knee Deep Brewing Co. It pours a dark hazy copper color with a fluffy off-white head. It has a rich malty aroma with citrus hops, tropical fruit, grapefruit, bread, caramel, banana, pine, and musk. Not old man musk, more like attic or basement musk. The flavor profile is hoppy, malty, and dark fruits. I get pine, citrus, grass, resin, and bread as well. It has a nice balance between sweet and bitter. You won’t even notice the 9% alcohol content until it sneaks up on you. This is a very satisfying beer, but I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re not a fan of IPAs. It’s too intense for some palates. It’s not one of the essential IPAs to drink before you die, but it’s worth trying if you come across it.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Knowing All the Words to a Song

You’re in the middle of a crazy party or going nuts at the club when the song cuts out and the DJ puts on a new track. The lyrics kick in after a few familiar bars and everyone roars with approval and they all start singing along. You join in, belting out all the words with everyone else and the music becomes bigger and louder and more intense. Everyone becomes connected and you’re transcended to another level. Music is an escape, a drug, and nothing gets you higher than when everybody is on the same level as you. Knowing all the words to a song in a key part of that. It means that you know the song. It means that it has meaning to you. And you have a bond with all the other people that appreciate the song as much as you do. Certain songs bring people together. “Bohemian Rhapsody” is an amazing song to listen to, but it’s so much better when you sing along to it with a bunch of friends (especially if you bob your head appropriately).

It’s surprising how many songs you actually know all the lyrics too.  You probably couldn’t sing all the words to a particular song if I told you to sing it a cappella, but you could do it if you heard the song playing. It’s easier to sing along to a song than it is to memorize one. You might not get all the words perfectly, but it’s still good enough to do karaoke.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Gorp

Gorp is a popular term for trail mix. I was brought up thinking that it stood for Good Old Raisins and Peanuts, but I’ve also heard that it stands for Granola, Oats, Raisins and Peanuts. No matter what you call it, it’s still the generic name for trail mix. Gorp is made to give you protein and energy while you’re hiking or camping, but it’s also popular as an everyday healthy snack. There are many variations of trail mix with all kinds of different ingredients like almonds, M&Ms, sunflower seed kernels, cashews, walnuts, and various types of dried fruit. You can eat gorp when you’re sitting on your ass watching TV at home, but it tastes best when you’re outside doing something. Food is fuel and gorp is gasoline. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I like how it sounds. It really does taste better than gasoline, I was being metaphorical.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Walking Through a Picture

I work in a popular restaurant in a scenic tourist trap location. I see tons of people taking pictures as I walk to work. I used to stop and wait or go around them, but now I walk right through the shot. I realized I was wasting a lot of time and energy trying to be polite with no reciprocation from the universe whatsoever. Plus there are hundreds of people taking pictures, there is no way to avoid wrecking a picture. So own it and walk through the shit with your held held high. Walking through a picture makes you feel like an asshole at first, but you get used to it and you start to feel like a badass. You can do anything once you’re able to walk through a picture with no remorse. The world is your oyster, the possibilities are endless.
Critically Rated at 14/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Driving the Wrong Way Down a One Way Street

There’s nothing quite as exhilarating as driving the wrong way down a one way street. The sudden realization that you’re driving directly into oncoming traffic makes your heart skip a beat and your blood starts pumping. A quick reaction time and reacting swiftly without panicking is essential for surviving the situation. And you’re virtually helpless if you’re not behind the steering wheel. All you can do is try not to piss yourself and hope your driver doesn’t kill you. Dying kind of sucks, I try to avoid it.
If you’re going the right way on a one way street and encounter a dumbass driving the wrong way, you’re legally obliged to blast your horn and extend your middle finger. You have to call the driver out for being a moron and endangering your life. Make sure he knows that he fucked up and he fucked up badly. Make him feel bad.
Critically Rated at 4/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Two Left Shoes

I had a job interview yesterday and I had to dress business casual. Collared shirt, no tie, no jeans, and no sneakers. I had a nice button up shirt and some khakis, but I needed a new pair of shoes. I had the bright idea to get them thirty minutes before my interview. I was running a little late so I hailed a cab and gave him ten bucks to wait for me while I ran inside Payless. I grabbed the first pair of cheap decent shoes that I saw, got in line, paid for them, and ran back to the cab. As we started driving I took off my sneakers and threw them in my bag, then took my the new pair out of the box and swore loudly. There were two left shoes in the box. I couldn’t believe my luck. All I could do was shake my head and continue onwards to the interview. At least I had a good anecdote when they asked me about my day. I don’t know if I got the job yet, but I got it covered if anyone needs a left shoe.
Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Penis Game

If you went to public school and don’t know what the penis game is, you have failed in your education. The premise is simple. One player starts the game by quietly saying “Penis.” Then the next player says “Penis” a little louder. The next player says “Penis” even louder. The volume increases as the game goes on until they start screaming it at the top of their lungs. The whole point of the game is to disrupt the class and to piss off the teacher. Yes, it’s immature and imbecile, but it’s also fun as hell. The best way to win is to be fearless. Shout it loud and shout it proud. You want to bellow it out. Be theatrical. Really get into it. Only make sure you have someone to play against or else people will think you’re crazy.
Critically Rated at 11/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Giving a Deaf Couple a Braille Menu

I used to work at Chili’s and we had a hostess that was really pretty but really dumb. In fact, she was downright incompetent. I remember her finest moment. She sat a deaf couple in my section. I went over to greet them and take their order but they were too busy laughing to talk to me. I asked what was so funny. They held up the menus that the hostess gave them. They were in Braille. She gave the deaf couple a Braille menu. Let that sink in. You better believe that I gave her shit for that. She was a really nice girl but there was no way I could let that slide. Giving deaf people a Braille menu is a whole new kind of stupid.
Critically Rated at 3/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Black Coffee

Black coffee is the term for a regular cup of joe. No sugar, no cream, just plain coffee. Cream and sugar makes the coffee more drinkable, but it also makes it so you can’t taste the nuances in the flavor profile. Black coffee is how coffee is supposed to taste. It’s the real deal, the way that coffee’s been consumed for centuries. It’s how your grandma drank it. It’s how the cowboys drank it. And it’s how you should drink it. You won’t impress anyone by drinking a mocha or a cappuccino, but drinking a black coffee will. Order a black coffee when you’re in a breakfast meeting with your boss and you’ll get that promotion you’ve been gunning for. And if he doesn’t give it to you, you can throw the coffee in his face.
Critically Rated at 15/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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