Tag Archives: tooth

Losing a Tooth

Losing a tooth is awesome when you’re a kid. Losing a tooth is terrible when you’re an adult. When you’re a kid, losing a tooth means a visit from the Tooth Fairy and getting money. When you’re an adult, losing a tooth means a visit to the dentist and spending money. When you’re a kid, losing a tooth means another one will grow in its place. When you’re an adult, losing a tooth means dentures. I guess that I’m trying to say that losing a tooth has lost its allure. There was a time when I would have loved losing a tooth. Now it’s something I worry about. I miss the days when I was still immortal and regenerative.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Root Canal

Sorry to rock your world, but there’s shit inside your teeth that can become infected and fucking kill you. Inside each tooth there is pulp, a soft tissue composed of nerves, blood vessels, connective tissue, and fun stuff like that. If the pulp gets infected than you need to get a root canal. That’s where the dentist drills into your tooth, scrapes out all the pulp, cleans the inside of your tooth, fills it up, and tops it with a crown. It’s a relatively painless procedure, other than getting jabbed and stabbed with needles to numb the area. It’s also kind of expensive because BMWs aren’t cheap and the dentist needs to get around somehow.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Losing a Filling

I have a sweet tooth; I eat more candy than a five-year-old on Halloween. I have a few cavities to prove it. The other day my friend gave me gumball. I didn’t really want it, but it’s bad for the economy to not accept free things. So I took it and chewed it for about fifteen seconds before I realized it shouldn’t be crunchy. That stupid gumball ripped out my filling. Losing a filling sucks. Even as I type this, my tongue keeps exploring the gaping hole in my molar. The worst part is that I can’t eat candy until I get a new filling. Then I will celebrate with some Skittles. I think I’ll avoid the gumballs from now on.

Critically Rated at 4/17

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Flossing

It wasn’t enough that mankind has created toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouthwash, electric toothbrushes, and tooth picks. So we invented string for your teeth. Now we have another way to remove shit from between your teeth and cut your gums. The average person flosses only a few times a year: either when they just ate corn on the cob, or if they have a dentist appointment the next day. I have no idea why I lie to the dentist about flossing semi-regularly. He knows that I’m lying. Oh yeah, and apparently it’s not romantic to floss with your girlfriend’s hair. You live, you learn.

Critically Rated at 7/17

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