Tag Archives: shoes

Batman Chucks

I skate around the city as my primary form of transportation. It wears out my shoes pretty quickly. My last pair of shoes got holes in the soles and I was about to buy some new ones until I remembered that I had a pair of Converse Chuck Taylor All Stars that I’ve only worn once sitting in the back of my closet. They aren’t your standard Chuck Taylors. They are Batman Chucks. They are black with yellow Batman symbols all over them. I’ve only worn them once before because they are so loud. They scream at you. They demand attention. 

I didn’t want to waste my money on a new pair of shoes when I had a perfectly good pair already in my possession. So I put them on and I’ve been rocking them for over two weeks now. My girlfriend hates them, but most people love them. I’ve gotten a lot of compliments from random strangers. She hates that even more. My life has changed for the better since I’ve started wearing my Batman Chucks. I’d recommend for everyone to try them at least once but I don’t want you to steal my style.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Some Fine Lookin’ Shoes

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My Future Shoe Store

I’ve decided that I’m going to open up my own shoe store. I know that sounds crazy with today’s economy, but I have a killer idea. It’s revolutionary in fact. I’m going to open a shoe store that specializes in single shoes only. You buy the left or right shoe individually and you’re not allowed to buy a pair. Think about it. Shit happens and sometimes you lose a shoe. You still have the other one, only now it’s worthless because it’s missing its brother. You have to throw it away because nobody sells single shoes. Until now. Doesn’t seem so stupid now, does it? Trust me, I have it figured out. I’m even going to sell socks individually as well at the counter. That’s what they call an impulse buy. You can even buy socks is odd-numbered bundles so you can save even more money. I haven’t decided on a name yet, but rest assured it will involve a terrible pun.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young 

  

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Leaving Your Sandals at a Restaurant

I’ve been a server for over nine years now. It pays the bills, it’s a lot of fun, and it’s a source for endless anecdotes. I’ve seen people from all over the world and I thought that I’ve seen it all, but I had a new one the other day. It was a busy Saturday lunch shift and the rush had just ended. I had four tables pay out and leave around the same time. I took the dirty plates and silverware off the table, ran them to the dishwasher, and came back to sweep under the tables. That’s when I discovered a pair of flip-flop sandals left underneath a booth. Someone actually forgot about their footware. He or she got up and walked out of the premises barefoot without noticing a thing. And they didn’t ever come back for them. They just left, said fuck it, and moved on with their day. I don’t know how that’s possible. We’re not talking about a credit card or a cellphone here. It’s very easy to forget those things. It’s damn near impossible to forget your shoes unless you’re Aborigine. You’d think that as soon as you’d walk outside you would realize that something’s wrong. There’s a lesson to be learned in all this: Leaving your sandals at a restaurant will result in a flabbergasted server blogging about it.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Picking Rocks from the Bottoms of Your Shoes

I went for a hike the other day. It was a real hike. I went on a trail and everything. I hiked a few miles out then I hiked a few miles back. When I got back to civilization I noticed that there were dozens of little rocks stuck in the treads of my shoes. I don’t like rocks in the bottom of my shoes. I sat down, pulled off my shoe, and used a little stick to poke out all the rocks. Then I did the same to the other shoe. I felt better once all the rocks were out. Picking rocks from the bottoms of your shoes will give you better traction and keep you from scuffing up hardwood floors. It also makes your shoes look better (at least the bottoms of them).

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Chuck Taylor All Stars

The Chuck Taylor All Star is virtually synonymous with sneakers. When someone mentions sneakers, a vision of Chuck Taylors should pop into your head. The shoes were first created by the Converse Rubber Shoe Company in 1917 and was known the All Star. Then a professional basketball player name Charles “Chuck” Taylor became a spokesman for the company and tweaked the design enough that they became known as the Chuck Taylor All Star. They come in a variety of styles, colors, and patterns but they are all distinctly Chuck Taylors. They are an iconic shoe, easily recognized and embraced by cool and casual people everywhere. They are the epitome of comfort. You’ll buy a pair of Chucks and wear them every day until they fall apart. They are the staple footwear of concertgoers and festival attendees everywhere. I just spent the weekend at Outside Lands and saw a pair of Chuck Taylors on every fifth person, myself included. I don’t rock my Chucks every day, but I always feel like I’m apart of an exclusive club when I do.

            Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

converse-chuck-taylor-all-stars

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Shoes on Power Lines

All across the US you’ll find pairs of old shoes dangling from power lines, telephone wires, and trees. You’re more likely to find them in the city than the suburbs, but they are everywhere. You just have to look up to see them. There are lots of theories and superstitions about shoes on power lines. Some people claim it’s how gangs make their territory or honor fallen homies. Some people say it’s an indicator of drug dealers. Some people think bullies use them to taunt their victims. Some people believe it’s a celebration for losing their virginity or graduating. The truth is simpler than that. People want to be remembered. It’s why we write stuff on bathroom stalls or carve our names into desks. Throwing your shoes on power lines is just a fun way of leaving your mark on the world. That’s why my old kicks are hanging outside my first apartment in Isla Vista. I had to say goodbye somehow, so why not toss them into the sky?

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Two Left Shoes

I had a job interview yesterday and I had to dress business casual. Collared shirt, no tie, no jeans, and no sneakers. I had a nice button up shirt and some khakis, but I needed a new pair of shoes. I had the bright idea to get them thirty minutes before my interview. I was running a little late so I hailed a cab and gave him ten bucks to wait for me while I ran inside Payless. I grabbed the first pair of cheap decent shoes that I saw, got in line, paid for them, and ran back to the cab. As we started driving I took off my sneakers and threw them in my bag, then took my the new pair out of the box and swore loudly. There were two left shoes in the box. I couldn’t believe my luck. All I could do was shake my head and continue onwards to the interview. At least I had a good anecdote when they asked me about my day. I don’t know if I got the job yet, but I got it covered if anyone needs a left shoe.
Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Squeaky Shoes

You’re getting ready to go out and you’re throwing together an outfit, and you bust out a pair of shoes that were buried in the back of your closet. They look clean, they fit perfectly, and you can’t remember why you stashed them away. You put them on and they compliment your attire perfectly, so you head out the door for a night on the town. Somewhere in between bars, you’ll notice an odd squeaking sound that’s following you. And you’ll eventually realize that the sound is coming from your feet and that you’re wearing squeaky shoes. That’s why you ditched them in the closet in the first place. Squeaky shoes are embarrassing. Each step is a reminder that your kicks are wrong. You won’t notice the noise at first, but you can’t ignore it once you’ve heard it. There’s not much that you can do with squeaky shoes. You can try tying the laces tighter, you can try wearing thicker socks, or you can try going to louder places where nobody can hear your footwear. But you can never hide from the truth. Your shoes squeak and you are a lesser person because of them.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Double Knot

Safety comes first, so I always double knot my laces. A double knot is when you tie your shoelace loops together to keep them from getting untied. I ride a longboard around town, and double knotting my shoes is like wearing a helmet or elbow pads. It keeps me safe even though I might look like a fool.  A double knot is like insurance, it’s something that you invest in, it’s preventing an accident. The last thing you want is a loose shoelace when you’re bombing down a hill at thirty miles per hour. A double knot is the grownup’s equivalent of wearing Velcro straps. It’s just another way of ensuring that your shoe will stay on your foot no matter what. A double knot can save your life. Don’t knock it.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Aglets

Aglets are everywhere. There are hundreds, thousands, maybe even millions all around you right now. There are dozens in and around your home. You probably even have some on you right now. Don’t worry, I’m just building up suspense. Aglets are the plastic or metal tips on the ends of your shoelaces. They are practical: they keep the shoelace from unraveling, they make it easier to lace up your shoes, and you can use it to pack down the weed in a joint. That’s some MacGyver-style ingenuity right there. Aglets are everywhere, yet nobody mentions them. I’m going to start complimenting strangers for fashionable aglets. They’ve been underappreciated for way too long.

Critically Rated 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Stepping in Shit

If you spend enough time walking around, you’ll eventually step in a pile of poop. There’s no avoiding it, it’s going to happen to you. Stepping is shit is not a big deal. Hopefully, you’ll notice the feeling of feces on your feet before you track it everywhere. You’ll try to scrape off most of it with a stick and you move on with your life. You’d prefer to have stepped in dog shit, but sometimes you’ll step in people poo. That’s the worst feeling in the world. Especially if you’re barefoot.

Critically Rated at 1/17

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Taking Your Shoes Off at the End of the Day

You spend most of your day with your feet confined in socks and stuffed into a shoe. Your feet are trapped and constricted the whole time you’re getting ready for work, going to work, working, coming home from work, and doing whatever it is that you have to do like errands, or meeting friends or family and hanging out. Taking your shoes off at the end of the day feels fantastic. It’s like a reward to yourself for all the hard work you did that day. You earned it. You untie one shoe and take it off and wiggle your toes and ball your feet. You untie the other shoe and take it off and ball your feet and wiggle your toes. You peel off your sweaty socks and massage your feet and discreetly dispose the toe jam. Your feet are free and so are you.

Critically Rated at 15/17

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A Random Shoe on the Ground

You’re walking down the street and you happen to notice a random shoe on the ground. It’s just lying there, slightly worn-out, but otherwise a perfectly decent shoe. You wonder what happened to the other half of the pair. There aren’t any other shoes around. No socks either for that matter. How does a person lose a shoe and walk away without noticing? And what do they do with the shoe that they still have? It’s useless without its twin.

Critically Rated at 10/17

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Shoebox

A shoebox is a box that holds or once held a pair of shoes. The name is kind of misleading; it makes you think that there is only one shoe inside. It should be called a “Pair of Shoes Box”. Shoeboxes are very practical. You can use them to hold a pair of shoes like the name suggests. But once you’ve purchased the shoes and they are on your feet, the box has a whole bunch of exciting career opportunities. It can be a box that you store money in. Perhaps a young child can use it to make a diorama for English class. You can use it to hold knick-knacks or assorted memorabilia from your childhood. You can even put a bunch of useless shit in it, bury it, and call it a time capsule. The possibilities are endless. I currently have four shoeboxes in my room, and only one of them has shoes in it. The rest have urban treasures. Shoebox. Shoebox. Shoebox. Word has lost all meaning.

Critically Rated at 11/17

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