Cinder Cone Red Ale

Cinder Cone Red Ale is a craft beer made by Bend, Oregon’s Deschutes Brewery. It pours a dark rusty red color with a thin off-white head. The nose is floral and citrus hops, toffee and caramel malts, and dark fruits. It tastes of citrus and floral hops with a little resin, bready malts, caramel, toffee, and spice. There is a lot of flavor and personality in the brew, so it’s kind of surprising when you find out that it only has a 5.3% alcohol content. It’s a great choice for when you want to enjoy a microbrew without getting too fucked up. All in all, this is one of the better red ales that I’ve experienced. I’d get it again.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Drink Token

I go to a dive bar a few times a week where the bartenders will occasionally give out drink tokens to thirsty patrons. A drink token is a token for a free drink. They might give them away during Happy Hour, for special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries, or if you gave them a particularly good tip. Drink tokens are a precious commodity, especially in a city where a beer costs five to six bucks for a pint. You could redeem it right away, but it’s better to save it for a rainy day. Sometimes you really need a drink but you don’t want to pay for one. That’s when you bust out the drink token and quench your thirst. But remember that you still have to tip even though the drink is free. A dollar or two will suffice. Just because the drink is free doesn’t mean you can be cheap.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Union Jack IPA

Union Jack IPA in an American India Pale Ale from California’s Firestone Walker Brewing Company. It’s a better than average IPA that pours a nice orange-amber color with a fluffy white head and nice lacing. The aroma is tropical hops, citrus, and bready malts, but it’s muted compared to other IPAs. It tastes great. Lots of citrus hops, tropical fruit, a hint of pine, and a malty undertone. It’s sweet, it’s bitter, it’s dry, and it’s delicious. It’s pretty malty for an IPA, which gives it a lot of balance. Factor in the 7.5% ABV and you have yourself quite a brew. I would get it again, I would drink it again, and I would suggest it to anybody looking for a nice India Pale Ale or craft beer.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Wearing a Band-Aid When You Don’t Need To

There’s something oddly comforting about wearing a Band-Aid when you don’t need to. Try it. Take a Band-Aid and stick it on your forehead. Notice how other people treat you. Notice how they treat you better. They assume that you’re injured and they feel bad for you. They even go out of their way to help you out. They send you sympathetic stares, they ask you questions out of concern, and they make you feel special and appreciated. All that attention is completely unwarranted, but they don’t need to know that you’re faking it. An unnecessary Band-Aid can be a fashion statement. Just look at Nelly. He’s still cool right?

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter Fudge Core

Ben & Jerry’s are known for their premium ice creams, and Peanut Butter Fudge Core is one of them. It’s a core of soft peanut butter fudge surrounded by chocolate and peanut butter ice creams with miniature peanut butter cups. There’s no way to describe it other than WOW!… It’s rich, creamy, smooth, chocolatey, and peanut buttery. I wouldn’t recommend it if you don’t like peanut butter or chocolate or peanut butter cups. But if it sounds appetizing at all, well, you won’t be disappointed. Ben & Jerry’s make some of my favorite ice cream flavors and this might be one of them. Try it out if you get the chance.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Good Day to Die Hard

Bruce Willis is back as John McClane in A Good Day to Die Hard, the fifth (and most unnecessary) entry of the Die Hard series. This time McClane is in Moscow to save his son who has been incarcerated in a Russian prison. It turns out that his son is an undercover CIA agent and McClane’s arrival has blown the mission. Needless to say, hijinks ensue. I won’t even discus the plot because the whole story is stupid. It starts stupid, it ends stupid, and everything that happens in between is stupid. The characters are stupid. The action scenes are stupid. The dialog is stupid. There is nothing good about this movie. It’s terrible and I hated every minute of it.

Die Hard is a great movie. A Good Day to Die Hard is a travesty. John McClane is boring in this film. It seems like Bruce Willis only did it for the paycheck. You can tell within the first ten minutes that it sucks, but you slog through it hoping that Bruce Willis will do something badass. He doesn’t. Jai Courtney is horribly miscast as Jack McClane. Sebastian Koch plays the villain and he pales in comparison to previous villains Alan Rickman and Jeremy Irons. Villains shouldn’t be forgettable and Koch definitely is. I’d rather stick my dick in a blender than watch this movie again.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Excessive Stirring

I was lounging in the break room the other day, trying to relax before my shift started when my coworker came in with a cup of coffee. She sat down right next to me, poured some cream and sugar into her cup, and began to stir. Clink clink clink. She stirred it some more. Clink clink clink clink clink. And she stirred it some more. Clink clink clink clink clink clink clink clink clink. Clink. Clink. Clink clink clink. I glared at her and told her, “I think you got it, you can stop now.” She slowly looked at me and gave it another clink out of spite. I had to bite my lip to keep from slapping her. It was perfectly fine and evenly mixed after the first stir. There was no need for a second round of stirring, and definitely no need for a third round. There’s no excuse for excessive stirring. Not now and not ever.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Oz Season 1

Oz is an HBO series created by Tom Fontana about life behind bars at the fictional Oswald State Penitentiary. It ran for six seasons from 1997 to 2003. It was a milestone in television history. It was the first hour-long HBO drama series, and opened the doors for The Sopranos, Deadwood, Game of Thrones, etc. Season 1 introduces you to the major players in Emerald City, a special unit of the prison, which was created to rehabilitate and not simply punish prisoners.

Emerald City is run by Unit Manager Tim McManus (Terry Kinney) under the supervision of Warden Leo Glynn (Ernie Hudson). You meet a few other staff members such as correctional officer Diane Whittlesey (Edie Falco), prison counselor Sister Peter Marie Reimondo (Rita Moreno), prison doctor Gloria Nathan (Lauren Vélez) and prison chaplain Father Ray Mukada (B.D. Wong). The staff struggles to suppress the rising tensions of the inmates to avoid an imminent riot.

Emerald City is controlled by the staff of Oz, but the inmates run the show. Each episode is narrated by paralyzed inmate Augustus Hill (Harold Perrineau). He talks about the themes and issues of each episode, and he is often neutral and the voice of reason in a chaotic place. The stability of Emerald City is rocked by the arrival of Kareem Saïd, a devout Muslim and political activist who immediately assumes a position of power amongst the inmates. He becomes the unofficial leader of the inmates, and that causes some rival inmates to forge an unsteady alliance. There is an awful lot of politicking and shady deals between the Mafia, the Aryan Brotherhood, the Homeboys, the Irish, the Bikers, the outcasts, and the Muslims as each group attempts to gain more power and control.

New inmate Tobias Beecher (Lee Tergesen) is perhaps the most relatable character on the show. He was a successful lawyer that was convicted of a DUI and sent to a maximum security prison. He has no street skills and doesn’t know how to handle life in prison. Consequently he ends up being the property of Vernon Schillinger (J.K. Simmons), leader of the Aryan Brotherhood. Beecher becomes a bitch. And you don’t want to be a bitch in Oz. Beecher must adapt or die, and he slowly grows a pair of balls and transforms himself into a badass.

Season 1 is all about struggle. The inmates struggle for power and respect. The staff struggles to keep control. Everyone struggles for survival. Oz is a realistic show. It almost feels like you are watching a documentary. It makes you grateful that you aren’t behind bars. It makes you relieved that you don’t work at a prison. But it’s relatable. There are a few characters that you see yourself in. It scares you a little bit, but it compels you to keep watching more. Oz is a few years old now, but it’s still relevant. Good storytelling never goes out of style.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Toilet Paper Ply

Shit happens. And you need toilet paper when it does. But not just any toilet paper will suffice. You need to know which toilet paper ply to use. There are three types. There is one-ply (sometimes called single-ply), there is two-ply, and there is three-ply toilet paper. One-ply is a single layer of toilet paper. It’s rough and course, and it may cause anal bleeding. Two-ply is two layers of toilet paper. It’s softer, smoother, and more absorbent, and it is the most common type of T.P. Three-ply is three layers of toilet paper. It is really soft, the most absorbent and it feels like you’re wiping your ass with a cloud, but it’s the most wasteful by far. Everybody has a preference for toilet paper. I happen to be a two-ply guy myself. I have a frugal friend who prefers one-ply. He has the habit of converting double-ply into single-ply to make it last twice as long. I think he’s crazy, he thinks he’s thrifty.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Cell Phone Wallet Case

A cell phone wallet case is exactly what it sounds like. It’s cell phone case that doubles as a wallet (or maybe it’s a wallet that doubles as a cell phone case). It sounds like a convenient way to keep organized, but it’s a terrible idea. It makes it way to easy to lose all your valuables in one fell swoop. Cell phone wallet cases are an invitation to thieves. You only have to turn your back for one second to have someone snatch your phone, cash, driver’s license, credit cards, baby pictures, and Jamba Juice 2-for1 coupon. And you were only one punch away from a free burrito too. Now you have to call the bank to cancel your cards and that’s hard to do when you have no phone. So you have to get a new phone and that’s hard to do when you have no money. Then you have to go to the DMV to get a new license and wait in line for half a day, kicking and cursing yourself the whole time for getting that damn cell phone wallet case.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Movie Tickets Should Cost Five Bucks

I used to love going to the movie theater as a kid. I probably saw about twenty to twenty-five movies at the cinema a year. Now I probably go about four or five times a year. It’s not worth going anymore. Going to the movies is an experience that illegal streaming can’t compete with, but Hollywood has gotten too damn lazy and everything else is too damn expensive. I live in a city where movie tickets cost fifteen to twenty bucks and popcorn and a soda costs another ten bucks. You end up paying thirty bucks to watch a shitty movie that you could have watched for free online. That’s the problem, but I have a solution. Make all the tickets five bucks. I’d be a lot more willing to see a movie, any movie, if it only cost five bucks. And I would go to the movies a lot more often. These days fewer and fewer people are going to the movies, so Hollywood keeps raising ticket prices to maintain a profit. They will keep raising prices, causing even fewer people to go. That’s a business plan that can’t succeed. Five-dollar tickets seems like an easy fix.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Lou Diamond Phillips

Lou Diamond Phillips is an actor best known for playing Ritchie Valens in La Bamba. He was a pretty good actor and it seemed like he was poised to become a movie star. But it didn’t really happen. His career kind of fizzled out. He kept finding work, but he went from staring in movies to costarring, and his movies kept getting worse and worse. He started becoming more of a television actor, and he even had to resort to reality show appearances a few times. He was once Lou Diamond Phillips, Movie Star. Now he’s Lou Diamond Phillips, That Guy. Whenever you see him pop up in a TV show or movie, you’re kind of like Oh yeah, him. He’s still alive. Good for him, and then you go back to forgetting about him. I don’t really feel too bad for him, but I would buy him a pity beer for sure if I ever met him.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Throwback Jerseys

Throwback jerseys are sports uniforms that are made to look like a team’s old jerseys. Almost every major American sports leagues have turn-back-the-clock nights where the teams wear throwback jerseys. The National Football League and the National Basketball Association have cool throwback jerseys, but I prefer Major League Baseball’s throwbacks. The MLB made throwback jerseys popular. The MLB has a much deeper, richer, and extensive history than the NFL and NBA. They have more memorable teams and stars from different eras. They also have an insanely long season so they have a lot more games where the players rock retro uniforms. Sometimes they even wear defunct Minor League team jerseys or even classic Negro League ones. They honor their past and they don’t run from it.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Don’t Offend the Plumber

I was at my friend’s house the other day and I was feeling parched so I asked him if I could grab a glass of water. He handed me a glass, I took it, and I went over to the sink. I turned on the faucet, filled my glass, and took a sip. It was warm. I dumped it out, filled up my glass again, and took another sip. It was even hotter. I dumped it out, double-checked the faucet and made sure that it was on the cold side, filled up my glass again, and took another sip. It was scalding hot. That’s when I realized that the hot and cold were switched. If I wanted cold water, I had to go turn it to the hot side. I asked my friend why it was reversed. He shook his head and told me the story of how he once accidently insulted a plumber that was fixing a leak. The plumber got offended and switched the hot and cold water out of spite. It’s been like that ever since. The moral of the story is don’t offend the plumber. He can fuck with your pipes and fuck with your mind.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Driving Without Your Headlights On

Headlights (or headlamps) are lamps attached to a vehicle that light up the road. They make driving at night a lot easier. It really helps being able to see where you are going. That’s why driving without your headlights on is dangerous and stupid. Most new cars have headlights that turn on automatically, but older models have to be turned on manually. It’s not uncommon to see someone driving around without their headlights turned on in a city because the streets are generally well lit and bright, no matter what time of the night it is. You should get the driver’s attention and point out that his headlights are off. Flashing your headlights is the universal way of saying “Yo dumbass, turn on your fucking lights!” And that dumbass will be thankful, because you made the world a safer place and he avoided getting a ticket. Sometimes you’re the dumbass driving without the lights on. You’ll try to justify it with some excuse or other. There is no excuse. You endangered lives. Somebody could have died. You should feel terrible.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Star Wars Day

May 4th is Star Wars Day, a day to celebrate Star Wars. Why May 4th? Because May the Fourth is vaguely reminiscent of “May the Force be with you.” It’s a bit of a stretch, but it works. There’s no set way to celebrate this holiday. Most people repost a Star Wars related meme on Facebook, but there are lots of other ways to celebrate. You can watch the original trilogy and pretend that there is no prequel trilogy. You can speak backwards all day like Yoda. You can style your hair like Princess Leia. You can try to communicate by only speaking in Star Wars quotes. It’s just a day to release your inner nerd and not be judged for it. Star Wars Day has become so popular that it even has a sequel holiday on May 5th, known as Revenge of the Fifth. Nerds love bad puns.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Chia Sweet Peach

Chia Sweet Peach is a chia and juice smoothie from Naked. Chia is the trendy new superfood these days. Yeah, it’s the same chia you know and love from Chia Pets. Only this time it’s in a smoothie, 10,000mg of it, along with peach juice, orange juice, mango juice, and apple juice. It’s delicious, fruity, and healthy for you. It’s great breakfast beverage. And it helps to eliminate hangovers. You know you’re not going to stop drinking, so at least be prepared by keeping one of these in the fridge. You’ll thank me when you wake up with a throbbing head.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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