Tag Archives: spoon

Dropping Your Spoon into Your Soup

I was kind of hungry earlier and didn’t feel like cooking. I ended up throwing a can of soup into a pot on the stove. It only took five minutes to heat up with an occasional stir now and then to keep it from overheating. When it was done, I ladled into a bowl and took it into my room so I could eat and watch shit on YouTube at the same time. Things were going great until I got distracted by on YouTube video and ended up dropping my spoon into my soup. I watched in horror and it sunk to the bottom of the bowl. I was kind of stoned so it was a very delayed reaction. After ten seconds or so of surveying the situation, I very delicately reached into the bowl and retrieved my spoon. I let it drip and drain for a bit, then I took it to the kitchen sink and rinsed it off. Then I went back to eating my soup. I took my time and made sure not to drop my spoon into my soup again. Once was enough. I thought I was good at eating soup. I guess I’m not the soup connoisseur I thought I was. Dropping your spoon into your soup makes you feel like an amateur. I felt like less of a person. I still do. I’m going to invent a spoon with a wrist strap to prevent this from every happening again. I’m sure there’s a market for it.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Snacks

Excessive Stirring

I was lounging in the break room the other day, trying to relax before my shift started when my coworker came in with a cup of coffee. She sat down right next to me, poured some cream and sugar into her cup, and began to stir. Clink clink clink. She stirred it some more. Clink clink clink clink clink. And she stirred it some more. Clink clink clink clink clink clink clink clink clink. Clink. Clink. Clink clink clink. I glared at her and told her, “I think you got it, you can stop now.” She slowly looked at me and gave it another clink out of spite. I had to bite my lip to keep from slapping her. It was perfectly fine and evenly mixed after the first stir. There was no need for a second round of stirring, and definitely no need for a third round. There’s no excuse for excessive stirring. Not now and not ever.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Drinks

Sporks

Sporks are amazing. They are the brunch of the cutlery world. It’s a flying car. A spoon and a fork in one handy utensil. The future is now. Sporks combine the spearing powers of a fork with the scooping/stirring/holding capabilities of a spoon. I’m pretty sure that KFC invented them. I go backpacking occasionally, and one of the first pieces of equipment I bought was a metal spork. My life was now complete. I had nothing else to live for, so I took up heroin so I have something to do.

Critically Rated at 17/17

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Filed under Random Rants

Spoons

I will forever associate spoons with Homer Simpson: “Marge, where’s that… metal dealie… you use to… dig… food?” Spoons are ideal for stirring things or shoveling soup or cereal into your mouth. I don’t like little kids who need spoons to eat mac & cheese. Grow up, you stupid baby. I like ladles; I think a giant spoon that is just for serving is a great idea. For some stupid reason spoons are really popular souvenirs. I don’t get it. Who wants a little tiny spoon with a dinosaur or Disneyland on it? Neat, you went to the Grand Canyon. And you brought back a little useless utensil with a tiny picture on it. Kudos.

If a girl asks if you want to spoon, the correct answer is “only if we fork first.”

Critically Rated at 13/17

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Filed under Random Rants