Tag Archives: die hard

There is no Wayne’s World 1

One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone inserts 1 into the title of the first film of a franchise. You often hear people say that Wayne’s World 1 is way better than Wayne’s World 2. Or that Rush Hour 1 was the best movie in the trilogy. I hate that. There is no Wayne’s World 1. It’s Wayne’s World and Wayne’s World 2. Rush Hour has two sequels. Yes, it’s the first movie but it’s not called Rush Hour 1. It’s simply Rush Hour. You can check IMDB.com if you don’t believe me. Don’t even get me started on people who say Die Hard 1 or Star Wars 1.

There are a few exceptions like History of the World, Part I and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1. But there is no History of the World, Part II and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 was the seventh film of the franchise, not the first. The moral of the story is there is no Wayne’s World 1. So don’t say it.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Good Day to Die Hard

Bruce Willis is back as John McClane in A Good Day to Die Hard, the fifth (and most unnecessary) entry of the Die Hard series. This time McClane is in Moscow to save his son who has been incarcerated in a Russian prison. It turns out that his son is an undercover CIA agent and McClane’s arrival has blown the mission. Needless to say, hijinks ensue. I won’t even discus the plot because the whole story is stupid. It starts stupid, it ends stupid, and everything that happens in between is stupid. The characters are stupid. The action scenes are stupid. The dialog is stupid. There is nothing good about this movie. It’s terrible and I hated every minute of it.

Die Hard is a great movie. A Good Day to Die Hard is a travesty. John McClane is boring in this film. It seems like Bruce Willis only did it for the paycheck. You can tell within the first ten minutes that it sucks, but you slog through it hoping that Bruce Willis will do something badass. He doesn’t. Jai Courtney is horribly miscast as Jack McClane. Sebastian Koch plays the villain and he pales in comparison to previous villains Alan Rickman and Jeremy Irons. Villains shouldn’t be forgettable and Koch definitely is. I’d rather stick my dick in a blender than watch this movie again.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young


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Top Seventeen Christmas Movies

So Christmas 2013 is less than week away and I’ve somehow managed to avoid watching any Christmas movies. I thought I would celebrate that fact by ranking my top seventeen Christmas movies. And I never saw It’s a Wonderful Life or Miracle on 34th Street, so they aren’t included. These are the Christmas movies that I care about.


17. Ernest Saves Christmas is not a good movie, but it’s good enough to be on this list. The late and great Jim Varney plays Ernest, and it’s up to him to find a replacement for the aging Santa Claus and save Christmas.


16. Jingle All the Way would be a forgettable Arnold Schwarzenegger comedy if it wasn’t set at Christmas time. It kind of glorifies the commercial aspect of the holiday, but I love presents so I’m not complaining.


15. Bad Santa is an R-rated black comedy starring Billy Bob Thornton as an alcoholic burglar who robs malls on Christmas Eve. It’s raunchy and hilarious, and not something you can watch with kids in the room.


14. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York reunites young Kevin McCallister with the Wet Bandits. But this time, they are in New York and Kevin has a Talkboy. You can do anything with a Talkboy.


13. Elf is your typical Will Ferrell man-child comedy, but this time he plays an elf. Or a human that was raised as elf. I don’t know, it doesn’t really matter.


12. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is Chevy Chase’s best Christmas movie. There’s no denying it.


11. The Santa Clause is responsible for more people misspelling Santa Claus than any other movie. It also was the foundation for the best Christmas trilogy of all time. Name a better Christmas trilogy.


10. Batman Returns takes place around Christmas. It has Batman in it. And Michelle Pfeiffer in black leather. Merry Christmas indeed.


9. The Nightmare Before Christmas is dark and creepy, but it’s still a family film. It’s easily the most visually interesting film on this list, plus it has great characters and musical numbers.


8. Gremlins manages to combine humor and horror into a holiday film. I don’t even know how that’s possible, but they pull it off.


7. How the Grinch Stole Christmas! is the original animated Dr. Seuss classic, not the bloated Jim Carrey live action film. You know that Christmas is just around the corner when you’re flipping channels and stumble upon the Grinch.


6. The Muppet Christmas Carol is another retelling of the classic story by Charles Dickens, only with Muppets. And Muppets make everything better. Michael Caine plays a good Ebenezer Scrooge.


5. Home Alone made Macaulay Culkin a star, and it made child neglect funny again. It was the original family comedy without the family.


4. Scrooged is yet another take on the Dickens classic. Bill Murray plays a Scrooge-like television executive who gets visited by three ghosts so he can learn the true meaning of Christmas. Bill Murray is like bacon, he makes everything better.


3. A Charlie Brown Christmas is the best animated Christmas movie. Everybody has seen it, everybody loves it, and everybody knows that Charlie Brown sucks at picking out Christmas trees.


2. Die Hard is badass. It’s one of the best action films of all time. It made Bruce Willis a superstar, it introduced us to Alan Rickman, and the world can never be thankful enough. It’s also the only Christmas movie that you can watch every day without being judged.


1. A Christmas Story is the best Christmas movie of all time. Was there ever any doubt? It’s the perfect blend of nostalgia, consumerism, and family values. It’s funny, it’s heartwarming, it’s quotable, and it’s a shared experience. It’s not Christmas until you catch it on the 24-hour TBS marathon.

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Watching Movies on TV

Most people like movies. It’s pretty cool to sit on your ass and be transported to a different world and to live vicariously through the people on the screen. The best way to watch a movie is to go to the movie theater. Some people prefer watching a movie at home on Blu-ray/DVD or stream it from Netflix or Hulu. Some people rely on premium movie channels like HBO. HBO is ok because they don’t cut out anything or have commercials. For the most part, watching movies on TV is the worst way to go. You should avoid movies on basic cable channels. A movie’s pacing is important, and it gets destroyed with the constant commercial breaks. Movies need momentum, and each time Andy Dufresne does something uplifting and it cuts to some bitch pitching dog food you can’t care about the character as much. Sometimes they have to cut out violent scenes and vulgar dialog. They replace cool lines, no matter how essential to the movie it is. If John McClane doesn’t say “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker,” then you aren’t watching Die Hard.

Critically Rated at 4/17

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