May 29, 2014 · 1:29 pm

Mr. G and Jellybean (YouTube video)

The world is a pretty terrible place, but every once in a while you witness something amazing that tugs at your heartstrings. The friendship of Mr. G and Jellybean is one such example. It all started with a bunch of animals getting rescued from a hoarder. The various animals were all split up and sent to different sanctuaries. One sanctuary took in a goat named Mr. G and Mr. G refused to eat or go outside for several days. Nobody was sure why. Gradually the rescuers realized the problem. Mr. G was depressed because he missed his old pal Jellybean (who just so happens to be a donkey). The rescuers did the only thing that they could do… they found Jellybean and brought him to live on their sanctuary, reuniting the two friends and saving Mr. G’s life. I included the YouTube video below. You should check it out if you like donkeys, goats, or happy endings. It’s only three minutes long and is guaranteed to brighten up your day. It’s a reminder that friendships are one of the most important things in life. I hope everybody has a Jellybean of their own.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 28, 2014 · 9:03 am

Walking Into a Glass Door

Want to be the life of the party? All you have to do is walk into a clear glass door in front of everybody. Everyone will laugh and cheer and point at you. It will be all they talk about the next day. It will be the only thing they remember about that party twenty years from now. Nobody will let you live it down. You’ll be that guy who walked into a clear glass door for the rest of your life. Walking into a clear glass door is a great way to achieve immortality. Your head might hurt for a minute, but your legacy will never die. Oh well, it’s better to be remembered for something stupid than to be forgotten by everybody. Own up to it and embrace it.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 28, 2014 · 9:02 am

Naming a Pet

Naming a pet is an art form. Sometimes you can have a name already in your head, and you’re lucky that it fits when you finally pick up your new puppy. But the best way to name a pet is to have it for a few days before selecting a name that matches its personality. A few years ago my family got a new dog. He was an overly friendly and playful Black Lab/Bernese Mountain Dog mix. We spent four days watching him sleep, eat, and play. One of us would come up with a name and we would test it out, but nothing was clicking. We went through hundreds, maybe thousands of names that we all systematically rejected before I glanced over at our DVD collection, saw Star Wars, and suggested Chewbacca. My sisters screamed back, “CHEWY!” and the dog got its name. It probably helped that he was munching on a shoe at the time. He earned his name. He deserved his name. And he lived up to his name. Not all pets are so lucky. I have a friend who adopted a chubby Chihuahua named Meatball and she renamed him Cooper. That poor pup now has the most ill-fitting name of all time. If that’s not animal abuse, I don’t know what is.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 27, 2014 · 10:56 am

Bonfire

It’s not officially summer yet, but I went to a bonfire the other day so it might as well be. Bonfires are one of my favorite things in the world. I love sitting around a fire talking and laughing with good friends, a cold beer in my hand and a joint in my mouth, watching the flames crackle and the wood burn for hours and hours. It’s better than any TV show or movie ever could be. Time slows down, conversations are more real, and the only responsibility you have is throwing the occasional log on the fire to keep it going. It’s impossible not to be content. I’ve never experienced a bad bonfire. Bonfires stay with you. They linger. Literally. The smoke clings to your clothes and they smell like a campfire until you wash them. I went to grab a slice of pizza after I left the bonfire the other day and everyone in the shop knew that I went to a bonfire. And they were jealous. And hopefully they were inspired to have a bonfire of their own. It’s subliminal advertising at its finest.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 27, 2014 · 10:55 am

Sunscreen Protection Day

May 27th is Sunscreen Protection Day, a holiday that reminds you that the sun is actively trying to kill you with cancer rays. Not only does sunscreen block danger ultraviolet rays, it helps to keep your skin from aging. Nobody wants sunspots and wrinkles. Sunscreen was invented by a guy named Franz Greiter in 1946. Before that, people simply didn’t go outside. The invention of sunscreen that allowed people to leave their caves for the first time. Sunscreen is directly responsible for agriculture and the Industrial Revolution. These are the important facts that they didn’t even try to teach you in school. Make sure you celebrate Sunscreen Protection Day by rocking some SPF. Anything above 15 should suffice.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 26, 2014 · 10:04 am

The Wave

The wave is a celebratory gesture typically performed by spectators at a sporting event. A group of people stand up, raise their arms, yell and scream, then sit back down as the people next to them rise up and do the same, the people next to them do it too, and so on and so forth. The end result looks like a rolling wave as the spectators rise and fall as the movement goes around the stadium. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve been a part of a wave. I’m ashamed to admit that I thought it was fun. But now a few years have passed and I realize how amateur it really was. Real fans don’t do the wave. They are too involved with actually watching the game (and heckling, but that’s a different story). I was at an SF Giants game the other night and there were a couple of girls sitting behind me trying to start the wave. I turned around and told them to save it for Dodger Stadium. Suffice to say, they sat down and shut up and I saved the night for everybody. I restored the reputation of Giants fans everywhere. I consider myself a hero. The wave looks enticing, but be weary. It’s best to stay in your seat and scold the contributors. Be a real fan. Respect your team. Don’t do the wave.

Critically Rated at 2/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 26, 2014 · 10:02 am

Telescoping Your Beer

You’re chilling at a barbeque, sipping on a beer, and you notice that the bottle feels a little bit light. That’s when you have to telescope it. Telescoping your beer is when you pick up a beer bottle, tilt it, and look down the neck to see how much precious booze you have left. It looks like you’re looking into a telescope, when all you’re really trying to do is figure out if you have to get another beer or not. Here’s a tip for you: if you’re wondering if you need to get another beer, you probably do. Or maybe you should just quit drinking. But it’s easier to get another beer.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 25, 2014 · 2:17 pm

Hollywood Classroom Cliché

Have you ever noticed the Hollywood classroom cliché? The bell rings, the students enter the classroom, sit in their seats, the teacher comes in a second later, writes something on the board and starts their lecture (which is always relevant to the plot), one or two students make comments, the bell rings, and the teacher shouts out the homework assignment as the students scramble out the door. The class only lasted five minutes, and nobody seemed to notice or care. What kind of school are these kids going to? And how do I enroll? I would love to go to a school where the lesson is always important, classes are only a few minutes long, and the teacher knows all the students by name.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 25, 2014 · 2:16 pm

Bai 5 Brasilia Blueberry

Bai5 Brasilia Blueberry is a 100% natural superfruit infused, antioxidant packed beverage that is naturally sweetened and low in calories. It’s also naturally caffeinated because the superfruit that they use is coffeefruit. It doesn’t taste like coffee. It tastes like watered down blueberry juice. It tastes great and is quite refreshing. It’s a good way to start the day and it makes your hangover slightly more bearable. I would get it again, and I look forward to trying the other flavors in the Bai 5 lineup.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 24, 2014 · 8:36 am

Pacific Rim (film)

Pacific Rim is a 2013 sci-fi monster flick directed by Guillermo del Toro. It’s about a bunch of gigantic alien monsters called Kaijus attacking Earth. Earth’s only chance for survival is to build a bunch of giant robots called Jaegers to fight the Kaijus. Each Jaeger is piloted by two soldiers because reasons. Charlie Hunnam stars at Raleigh Becket, a former Jaeger pilot who comes out of retirement to fight more Kaijus. Idris Elba plays Stacker Pentecost, a former Jaeger pilot who now runs the program. The other main character is a hot Japanese chick named Mako Mori (played by Rinko Kikuchi) who can’t speak much English, but she sure is fun to look at. Her family was killed in a Kaiju attack, and she was rescued by Pentecost when he was still a Jaeger pilot. Raleigh and Mako team up to pilot a Jaeger against the wishes of Pentecost, but they are drift compatible so he has no choice but to let them work together.

I only mentioned the plot because there actually is one. It’s not just a bunch of chaotic fight scenes involving giant robots battling giant monsters and toppling buildings. It’s not Transformers. It’s what you wanted Transformers to be. The fight scenes are epic and awesome. You really get a sense of scale and you feel like there is something at stake. Guillermo del Toro knows how to frame shots so you actually know what is going on and you can follow the action. My biggest beef with the film is that the climax takes place in the ocean instead of in a city. I wanted to see more buildings toppling and citizens screaming and running for their lives. But the ending is still awesome. It’s one of the best monster movies of all time. It’s not a great film, it’s a great blockbuster.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 24, 2014 · 8:34 am

Sidral Mundet (soda)

Sidral Mundet is an apple-flavored soda from Mexico. It looks like cream soda and that what first caught my eye when I saw it at the store. I only noticed that it was artificially flavored apple soda when I picked it up for a closer look. I’ve had green apple-flavored soda before, but never apple-flavored so I had to buy it and try it. It smells like apple juice and it tastes like apple juice with carbonation. It’s reminiscent of non-alcoholic apple cider, but it tastes more crisp and clean. It’s good. I like it. Sidral Mundet is my new favorite apple soda. It could be yours too.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 23, 2014 · 9:59 am

Morning People

Some people wake up feeling happy, refreshed, energized, and ready to start the day. They are called morning people, and I hate them. Their cheery demeanor pisses me off because I need two cups of coffee before I start to function. Morning people spring out of bed ready to seize the day. Morning people are always annoying, but they reach their peak annoyance levels on Mondays. Something about chipper morning people at the start of the week gets under your skin, filling your heart with hate and your head with rage. The only way to avoid morning people is to sleep in past noon. If you never experience mornings, you never have to deal with morning people.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 23, 2014 · 9:58 am

Walking Contest

A few years ago I went out to lunch with my roommate. We didn’t have any particular place in mind, so we started walking a few blocks towards the cluster of restaurants near our house. We walked past a few places, discussing and dismissing each potential place to eat. We reached the end of that stretch of restaurants and decided to keep walking to the next batch of restaurants a half-mile away. None of those places were satisfactory either, so we kept on walking. It was somewhere around this moment that our quest for lunch became an informal walking contest, and we both intended to win it. We walked and we walked and we walked some more. What was supposed to be a quick stroll for a bite to eat turned into an epic competition. We walked for two and half hours before we realized that we were both too proud to concede victory to each other. We gave up at the same time, and got a burrito to celebrate. And then we realized that we were a few miles from home and still had to walk back. That was the first and last time we ever had a walking contest. I would do it again, I would just make sure that I have a ride back.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 22, 2014 · 12:21 pm

Shoes on Power Lines

All across the US you’ll find pairs of old shoes dangling from power lines, telephone wires, and trees. You’re more likely to find them in the city than the suburbs, but they are everywhere. You just have to look up to see them. There are lots of theories and superstitions about shoes on power lines. Some people claim it’s how gangs make their territory or honor fallen homies. Some people say it’s an indicator of drug dealers. Some people think bullies use them to taunt their victims. Some people believe it’s a celebration for losing their virginity or graduating. The truth is simpler than that. People want to be remembered. It’s why we write stuff on bathroom stalls or carve our names into desks. Throwing your shoes on power lines is just a fun way of leaving your mark on the world. That’s why my old kicks are hanging outside my first apartment in Isla Vista. I had to say goodbye somehow, so why not toss them into the sky?

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 22, 2014 · 12:19 pm

Ice Drops

Ice Drops are a brand of liquid breath mints made by OraLabs. They were really popular when I was a kid in the mid-nineties. No middle school dance was complete without a bottle of Ice Drops and a few spritzes of Cool Water cologne. Then Ice Drops disappeared by the time I entered high school and I forgot all about them. But over ten years later, I rediscovered them at a local corner store and it was like running into an old friend. I had to buy a bottle of SpearMint solely for the nostalgia factor. They are just as amazing as I remember. It’s a powerful tingling sensation that freshens your breath and leaves the ladies swooning. Damn, I missed these. On a side note, I did some research on OraLabs and they make a lot of different products. They make breath fresheners, sour candy, lip balms, sunscreens, and hand sanitizers. I’m pretty sure they employ Oompa Loompas in their factory.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 21, 2014 · 11:33 am

National Waiters and Waitresses Day

May 21st is National Waiters and Waitresses Day. It’s not as esteemed as Mother’s Day or Secretary’s Day, but it’s still a day to acknowledge the simple fact that your server is a person and deserves a little respect. How much respect? Preferably 20%. But they wouldn’t mind more. I’m a server and I love what I do. I meet people from all over the world, I work with some of the coolest and craziest motherfuckers I’ve ever met, and I don’t dread going to work. It’s fun, it’s fast paced, and every shift ends with cash in my pocket. I don’t have to wait two weeks for a paycheck because every day is pay day. I’ve grown accustomed to the server lifestyle. The industry gets in your blood. We deserve a holiday of our own, but we are willing to share. May 21st is also National Memo Day, so make a note of that.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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May 21, 2014 · 11:31 am

KFC Tuesday Special

There’s a KFC near my house that has a special promo every Tuesday where you can get two pieces of chicken for $1.49. That’s right, one dollar and forty-nine cents gets you a thigh and a drumstick in your choice of Original, Extra Crispy, or Grilled. Get the Extra Crispy. Always get the Extra Crispy. But seriously, how can they sell two pieces of chicken for $1.49 and make a profit? That’s less than seventy-five cents for a piece of chicken. Where are they getting these chickens from? I’m not sure if I want to know the answer, but I know I can’t stop eating it. It’s too good of a deal for decent fast food. I’m not ashamed to admit that I know that two orders of the KFC Tuesday Special costs exactly $3.24 after tax. Sometimes I’ll even bring exact change. If I’m going to be frugal, I might as well go all out.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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