Tag Archives: yell

The Wave

The wave is a celebratory gesture typically performed by spectators at a sporting event. A group of people stand up, raise their arms, yell and scream, then sit back down as the people next to them rise up and do the same, the people next to them do it too, and so on and so forth. The end result looks like a rolling wave as the spectators rise and fall as the movement goes around the stadium. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve been a part of a wave. I’m ashamed to admit that I thought it was fun. But now a few years have passed and I realize how amateur it really was. Real fans don’t do the wave. They are too involved with actually watching the game (and heckling, but that’s a different story). I was at an SF Giants game the other night and there were a couple of girls sitting behind me trying to start the wave. I turned around and told them to save it for Dodger Stadium. Suffice to say, they sat down and shut up and I saved the night for everybody. I restored the reputation of Giants fans everywhere. I consider myself a hero. The wave looks enticing, but be weary. It’s best to stay in your seat and scold the contributors. Be a real fan. Respect your team. Don’t do the wave.

Critically Rated at 2/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Heckling

Heckling is the act of harassing and distracting somebody who is trying to perform. It’s wrong to heckle comedians or musicians, but it’s perfectly acceptable to heckle athletes. It’s part of the game. Heckling is integral in rooting for your home team. A lot of fans enjoy sitting in the bleachers to yell insults at the opposing team’s center fielder or star quarterback. But you need to be clever if you want to be rowdy and yell. It’s lazy to shout out “Number 22 sucks!” and nobody will appreciate it. It’s better if you know they Number 22 is adopted and you scream out “Your parents never loved you!” In ordinary society that would be a big no-no, but it flies on the field. Yell out that you’ve seen his wife’s tits in a movie she did and that one of her nipples is bigger than the other. That kind of shit will get in his head. That kind of shit will make him drop the ball and commit an error. That kind of shit will help your team win. Heckling is glorified bullying. You want to make them unsure and unconfident. You want to make them cry. And you want other people to laugh at them too. Don’t feel bad about it. Those fuckers get paid good money to deal with drunken spectators trying to shatter their self-esteem.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Snapping Your Fingers to Get Your Server’s Attention

Snapping your fingers to get your server’s attention is a huge no-no. It’s one of the most insulting things you can do to a fellow human being. Your server is a person, not a fucking dog. There’s no need to snap, whistle, or yell out “Garcon!” Yeah, it sucks when your food comes out and you just want a side of ranch, but your server has other tables and should be coming by to check on you when they can. Just be patient. Snapping your fingers might get their attention but it’s also a good way to announce that you’re a scumbag. If you think snapping is acceptable then you’ve obviously never been in a restaurant and probably don’t know how to tip. And your server knows that you’re a cheap asshole so there’s no incentive to work hard for a nonexistent tip. And your server will go back to the kitchen and tell everybody else about the snapping asshole at Table 25. And if your food tastes a little bit funny, there’s probably a reason for that. Bon appétit.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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