Category Archives: Entertainment

TV, Movies, etc

September 10, 2013 · 1:09 pm

The Karate Kid

The Karate Kid is a 1984 film directed by John G. Avildsen and starring Ralph Macchio, Pat Morita, and Elisabeth Shue. That’s the only Karate Kid. Hillary Swank and Jaden Smith are not Karate Kids. They are abominations, especially Jaden Smith. Ralph Macchio didn’t need his daddy to butcher a classic film in order to get a starring role in an unnecessary remake.

The Karate Kid is a classic movie about Daniel LaRusso (Ralph Macchio), a New Jersey high school senior who moves to a new school in San Fernando Valley, where he meets and starts crushing on a hot chick with a jealous ex-boyfriend. The ex-boyfriend happens to be the leader of a Karate gang, and he decides to make Daniel’s life a living hell. But then Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita), the handyman/martial arts expert, takes Daniel under his wing and teaches him how to do Karate by using manual labor. Mr. Miyagi enters Daniel into a Karate tournament, and if Daniel wins then the bullies have to leave him alone. It’s directed by the same guy who directed Rocky and you definitely see parallels between the two films. They both are about an under skilled underdog facing off against a vastly superior opponent with more training and experience. They both get trained by an older guy with declining physical skills that are still capable of kicking ass. They both form an unlikely relationship with a girl that has no real reason to like him. And violence solves all the problems in the end.

The Karate Kid is not a perfect movie. It has a lot of flaws and plot holes. The main character is downright unlikeable at times. He bitches and moans and complains constantly. He’s cocky and arrogant even though he gets beat up all the time. And the movie’s conclusion is way too rushed. He wins the tournament and gets the trophy and that’s it. BAM! Over, done, finished. A film’s conclusion should actually conclude things, not just suddenly end on a happy note. But you can’t deny the movie sticks with you. If you watch it once, you will watch it again. It’s a guilty pleasure. Everyone knows wax on, wax off. The Karate Kid is more than a movie; it’s a rite of passage, and you’re a freak if you’ve never seen it.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 9, 2013 · 9:09 pm

Afterparty

You’re partying and socializing at the bar when you hear those dreaded words: “LAST CALL FOR ALCOHOL!” The bar is closing, but you’re not ready to stop having fun yet. That’s when you need to find out where the afterparty is. Someone is always down to open their doors and invite everyone to come over to keep on drinking. Everyone piles into a few taxicabs and makes the trek to the new hangout spot, stopping only for more booze and supplies at a nearby liquor store. Everyone shuffles inside and they either make a beeline for the living room and grab a seat, or they head straight to the kitchen to start pouring drinks. Someone will pretend to be a DJ and play music, but they will never let a song play the whole way through. The craziest parts of the night almost always take place at the afterparty. That’s when people are the most drunk and that’s when people get rowdy. That’s when people throw up, when people pass out, when people hook up, when people fight, and when people accidently break stuff.  The afterparty is an essential part of the night, as important as pregaming or the main party. It’s the best and most satisfying way to end the night. It only sucks when you have to clean everything up the next day.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 7, 2013 · 11:27 am

Lazy River

A lazy river is a narrow and shallow pool with that flows like a river. They usually form a giant, winding loop. You typically find them at waterparks and nice resorts/hotels. Most of them have a slow moving current, perfect for drifting on with a tube or going for a casual swim. It’s also fun to lounge by the edge of the lazy river, catching some sun and watching a never-ending parade of people going by. Most of them also have waterfalls or fountains thrown in for good measure. It’s always funny watching people in a pool trying to avoid getting wet. Maybe swimming wasn’t such a great choice if you wanted to keep your hair dry. The biggest downside to lazy rivers is that they are really popular, so they are always crowded. And you know that there are a lot of people peeing in it. It might be diluted, but you’re still swimming in a giant toilet. Try not to think about it and don’t swallow the water.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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September 1, 2013 · 2:30 pm

Marvel 1602: Fantastick Four (comic)

Marvel 1602: Fantastick Four is the second sequel to Neil Gaiman’s Marvel 1602. Imagine all your favorite Marvel characters going to a Renaissance Fair and that’s what this storyline is like. The characters have the same powers and personality traits, but they dress and talk like they are in a Shakespearean play. And they kind of are. Otto Von Doom has captured William Shakespeare and it’s up to the Fantastick Four to rescue him and to find out what Von Doom is up to.

Writer Peter David delivers an interesting and intriguing story, but he’s no Neil Gaiman. Gaiman creates complex and nuanced stories… Peter David is clearly trying to copy Gaiman’s style, but it’s hard to emulate a genius and the story falls short of expectations. Pascal Alixe’s artwork is impressive and helps to redeem the weak story. That’s one of the cool things about comics. It doesn’t matter how shitty the story is if it still looks good. You don’t have to read to appreciate art. All in all, it’s a so-so story that’s made better by good artwork and by putting modern characters in a historical setting. You should read it if it sounds interesting to you at all, but it’s not worth buying it.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 29, 2013 · 12:22 pm

Going Away Parties

I work in a restaurant in a tourist trap in a major US city and we hire a lot of temporary workers during peak seasons. If you’ve ever worked in a restaurant, then you know that your coworkers are your family. And right now it’s the end of summer, so a lot of those seasonal workers have to go back to their real lives and I’ll never see them again. And it sucks to lose your family. So we compensate by having drinks in honor of their departures. Going Away Parties are always bittersweet. You meet an amazing person, you spend time with them, you get to know them, you can call them a friend, and then reality catches up with you and they have to leave and go back home. And for some reason you throw a party to celebrate them going away. It seems kind of fucked up, but it’s customary to feign happiness during sad times. Hence the fiestas. It’s never easy to say goodbye but alcohol makes it easier. And those fucked up Facebook photos ensure that you’ll never forget the people that abandoned you. Going Away Parties provide a sense of closure. It’s the end of an era, but everyone pretends that there will be a next time.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 28, 2013 · 9:01 am

Small Steps (book)

Small Steps is the sequel novel to Louis Sachar’s Holes. But instead of focusing on Stanley Yelnats, the hero of Holes, Sachar decided to turn a minor character into the main character. Holes is by far his best work, so I can’t understand why he would make the sequel be about a forgettable background character that you never cared about. And I don’t know why the publisher would let him do it. Small Steps is not a bad book, it’s just utterly disappointing a huge step in the wrong direction.

Theodore “Armpit” Johnson is trying to get his life back on track following his stay at a juvenile detention center. His progress his threatened by the reappearance of X-Ray, an old friend with a shady streak. X-Ray manages to convince Armpit to buy a bunch of tickets to the upcoming Kaira DeLeon concert, with the plan to scalp them and make a quick and easy profit. Of course shit doesn’t go to plan, and Armpit finds himself in over his head, dealing with cops, thugs, counterfeit tickets, racism, and a potential relationship with a famous pop star.

Holes is a book about destiny and fate. Small Steps is a book about finding out who you are and who you want to be. And even though they are part of the same series, they aren’t similar enough. They don’t fit together. And it’s kind of obvious that Holes was a passion project and Small Steps is a paycheck project. It’s not terrible, but I expect better things from a genius like Louis Sachar.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 28, 2013 · 8:59 am

Pull My Finger

“Pull my finger” is one of the oldest jokes in human history. The setup is simple, you approach and unsuspecting person with your index finger extended, and you invited them to pull your finger. They oblige by grabbing your finger and pulling it, and that’s when you let one rip. You fart, and you fart loud and proud; the wetter, the better. If you fart loud enough, the victim will get embarrassed and you will get a high five from whoever witnessed it. Farts are funny, but you have to pick your moments. Never ask your grandparents to pull your finger, never attempt it at a dinner party, and avoid it at all costs during weddings and baptisms. Funerals are acceptable. Anything that distracts you from death is ok. The next time there’s a dull moment, or you experience a lull in the conversation, ask somebody to pull your finger and let that flatulence fly.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 27, 2013 · 9:56 am

Macarena (Bayside Boys Remix)

The Macarena was a horrible song and dance routine that took the world by storm in 1996. The Macarena was a glorious fad that is still considered to be the greatest one-hit wonder of all time. It’s still also Billboard’s number one Latin song and the number one dance song. It was huge and it was everywhere. It was all over the TV, the radio, at sporting events, and at school dances. You knew how to do it, your baby sister knew how to do it, your dad knew how to do it, and even your grandma knew the fucking dance. And everyone still knows how to do it today. That’s pretty amazing. And it’s even more amazing that it conquered the world without any help from the internet. This was way before YouTube and streaming videos. It was a viral hit before we knew what viral was. And it makes me wonder how big it would have been if it was released today. I’m pretty sure that Los del Rio would be hanging out with Psy in the billion+ hits club. It would be one of the biggest memes of all time. Instead it’s just another thing to reminisce about from the ‘90s. Oh god, how I miss the ‘90s.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 26, 2013 · 10:26 am

Food Fight

A food fight is when you throw food at other people. Sometimes you don’t want to eat any more food. Sometimes you want to throw a spoonful of mashed potatoes at whoever happens to be sitting across from you. There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, I encourage you to start a food fight. Don’t throw any hard food, you want to hurl food items that splatter and stain. You’re not trying to hurt anybody; you’re just trying to make a mess. I know that there are starving kids in China, but it’s not really wasting food if you’re using it as a weapon of playful warfare. Food fights are a part of American culture. Everybody has participated in at least one food fight, and you haven’t lived if you’ve never chucked a dinner role at someone’s head. One of the best moments in cinematic history is the epic food fight depicted in Steven Spielberg’s Hook. If that doesn’t inspire you to throw food at somebody, I don’t know what will.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 21, 2013 · 8:32 am

Holes (book)

Holes is a book written by Louis Sachar, the renowned children’s book author. One of the reasons why he is so renowned is because he doesn’t talk down to children. He writes books that are easy to read, but still deep in meaning. Holes just might be his masterpiece.

Simply put, the novel is about an unlucky kid named Stanley Yelnats who is wrongfully accused of a crime that he didn’t commit, and he is sentenced to eighteen months at a detention center where he must dig a hole each day. He’s told that digging holes builds character, but there’s a hidden agenda behind the holes. It’s not surprising that a story about holes could be so deep. This is a story about fate, of luck, of destiny and defeat, where the past and the present collide, and the reader stay riveted throughout.

Good books rely on metaphors and symbolism to tell amazing stories. Everything about Holes has an underlying layer to what’s presented on the surface. It’s like an onion. There’s more than meets the eye. Everything is presented for a reason, everything has a purpose, and everything has more than one meaning. All the characters have names that match their personalities. Everything that Louis Sachar writes is intentional and nothing is coincidental. Holes is the perfect example of what a literary genius is capable of. Read it. Read it now. Read it again if you’ve already read it. And appreciate it.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 14, 2013 · 11:18 am

From Hell (comic)

From Hell is an epic graphic novel about Jack the Ripper. And when I say epic, I mean it’s fucking epic. It’s a 572-page collaboration between writer Alan Moore and artist Eddie Campbell that combines fact and fiction, truth and speculation, history and fantasy into a dark and gripping story about one of the most notorious serial killers of all time.

Alan Moore did a bunch of research and combined a couple of conspiracy theories to create a coherent storyline. The true identity of Jack the Ripper has never been revealed, but Moore suggests that Queen Victoria’s royal physician, Sir William Gull, was the killer and that he killed the women as part of a royal/Masonic cover-up. Supposedly Prince Albert Victor had a secret affair with a commoner that resulted in the birth of an illegitimate child with royal connections. A few lowly prostitutes know about the child, and they use that information in a blackmail attempt. The queen doesn’t like being blackmailed, so she sent her trusted physician out to remedy the situation by killing them to death. And so Gull did, using his surgical expertise and Masonic beliefs to transform into Jack the Ripper.

This is not a historical textbook about Jack the Ripper. It’s a comic book interpretation of a conspiracy theory that uses a lot of historical figures and actual events that creates a gritty and realistic depiction of Victorian era London. Moore uses a little artistic license to tweak some facts around to support his story, but he doesn’t try to deceive you. The collected trade paperback edition includes over forty pages of notes and annotations that tell you what really happened, what might have happened, and what he made up entirely. He tells you where he got the information, what he was inspired by, and how he came to that conclusion.

Alan Moore’s dark story is perfectly complimented by the scratchy and rough pen-and-ink style of Eddie Campbell. The illustrations are harsh and crude, which adds a sense of hopelessness and despair. From Hell is complicated. It’s not for your average reader. You can’t just read it one time and pretend like you know what it’s about. It’s not just a murder story. It’s about religion, corruption, time, gender, and power. It’s about how fact and fiction are sometimes integral parts of each other. We may never know who Jack the Ripper was, or what his motivations were, but he’s become a symbol and he’ll never be forgotten. Whoever he was.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 28, 2013 · 8:09 am

Once Brothers (documentary)

Once Brothers is an ESPN 30 for 30 documentary about Vlade Divac and Dražen Petrović, two basketball players from Yugoslavia that were among the first Europeans to break into the NBA. They were close friends and teammates playing together on the Yugoslavia national basketball team. The film follows Vlade Divac’s journey of making the national basketball team, his friendship with star player Dražen Petrović, and their transition into the NBA. But then the Yugoslav war tears the two apart. If you paid attention in school, you might recall that the Yugoslav Wars, in which Yugoslavia broke up into different countries due to massive ethnic conflicts between different reasons. Vlade was from Serbia, Dražen was from Croatia, and that’s not a good mix. Plus one time Vlade disrespected the Croatian flag, and that pretty much ended their friendship. And they never got to make amends because Dražen went and got himself killed in a car accident. This is a great documentary about how politics, the real world, and sports impact each other. It makes you appreciate the past, but you can’t help but wonder what could have been.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 25, 2013 · 9:51 am

Kenny vs. Spenny (TV show)

Kenny vs. Spenny was a Canadian comedy/reality show about two guys who challenge each other to a ridiculous contest each episode. They do everything from Who Can Stay Awake the Longest? to Who Can Drink More Beer? to Who Can Produce More Semen?… basically Kenny Hotz and Spencer Rice made a show about all the stupid bets you made with your roommates in college, only they get paid for it.  Kenny is the creator of the show, and he has an outrageous personality. He has no problem with cheating and manipulating the crew if there’s a chance to win. Spencer is the straight man, he’s usually the victim of Kenny’s pranks, he plays by the rules, and he usually loses as a result of his integrity. The loser of each competition has to do something humiliating. The winner gets to gloat. You get to laugh your ass off at their hijinks. It’s a hilarious show and you can find most of the episodes on YouTube. It’s a great show to marathon through, and there’s no real continuity so you can jump around from season to season and just choose to watch whatever topics that appeal to you the most.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 22, 2013 · 10:03 am

Draining the Hot Water

It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from, you always have to haze the new guy. Servers are no different. You send the rookie out to accomplish an impossible task. Different restaurants do different things, but draining the hot water is one of the best and most traditional ways to haze somebody new. The premise is simple: you ask them to drain the hot water from the coffee machine. Most industrial coffee machines have a hose keeps it constantly supplied with water, but the newbie doesn’t know that. They will stand there and fill pitcher after pitcher until they eventually give up out of frustration or have somebody take pity on them and tell them it’s a prank. Either way the victim feels stupid and everyone else laughs at him. But it’s not an insult; it’s a form of initiation. If you ever find yourself draining hot water, the only way to redeem yourself is to wait a few months until they rehire and then get the new guy. It’s the circle of life.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 17, 2013 · 11:22 am

X-Men: Mutant Massacre (comic)

Mutant Massacre is an X-Men comics crossover involving the X-Men, X-Factor, the New Mutants, the Power Pack, and Thor. The basic premise is that the Morlocks (mutants who have given up on society and formed their own underground community in the sewers) are being attacked and killed by the mysterious Marauders. The X-Men and X-Factor both enter the sewers in a desperate attempt to stop the massacre. They arrive separately and the two teams never meet up with each other. The fighting results in a lot of minor characters dying, and some of the main characters obtaining severe injuries. Meanwhile, other Marvel characters from other Marvel comics show up to remind you this is all taking place in the Marvel Universe. The Power Pack shows up at one point. I hope you like wholesome preteen superhero siblings who try to fight crime before bedtime. The unnecessary and stupid antics of the Power Pack are forgiven by the emergence of Thor into the storyline. He storms into the sewers and kicks some ass and even saves Angel from the Marauders.

But this is not a story about superheroes. It’s a story about mutants, and it’s really about genocide. People die in this story. A lot of people. And they die because they are mutants, because they are different. It’s a social commentary about the injustices in the world, and just because the characters have superpowers and wear spandex doesn’t mean it’s not a true story.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 16, 2013 · 11:59 am

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee is Jerry Seinfeld’s internet show about comedians in cars getting coffee. A typical episode is 10-15 minutes long, but some episodes run longer. Each episode has Jerry picking up one of his comedian friends in a cool car and going out to a restaurant or to a coffee house. The cars are as diverse as a 1960 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud II to a 1952 Volkswagen Beetle. His guests have included legends like Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner to more contemporary comedians like Sarah Silverman and Ricky Gervais. It’s a very casual and unscripted show. Jerry and his guest banter back and forth, talking about comedy and sharing stories and anecdotes. You get to catch glimpses of their real personalities as opposed to their stage personas. It reminds you of hanging out with your friends, except for the fact that Jerry is much funnier than you and he knows it. It’s not Seinfeld, but it’s still worth checking out. Go to Crackle.com and see what all the fuss is about.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 14, 2013 · 7:40 pm

Trampolines

A trampoline is a piece of fabric stretched over a metal frame using a bunch of springs. You jump on them. The bigger the trampoline, the higher you can bounce. Everyone starts with the small trampoline, the one that you use in kindergarten. You can only bounce a few inches on them. The small ones aren’t really fun; you need a trampoline that’s at least 14 feet in diameter. You get a few feet of air with each jump, enough to do flips and tricks, and it’s large enough to have a few friends jumping with you at the simultaneously so you can play games or time your bounces in order to launch someone into the air. These days trampolines come with safety nets. When I was a kid we didn’t bother with that shit. We had the trampoline right by the rose bushes, so if you fell off you would land in thorns. You had to get good if you wanted to survive. The best types of trampolines are the rectangular ones. These are the ones that you see in the Olympics. They provide the optimal amount of bounce.

Trampolines are a staple of suburban backyards but they are starting to creep into cities in the form of trampoline parks. They have gigantic rooms where all the floors and walls are trampolines so you can run and jump off the walls and pretend like you’re in the Matrix. Most trampoline parks even have regularly scheduled games of dodgeball. It gets pretty intense; I’m not going to lie. Trampolines are fun. But they are a reminder that I’m getting old. I used to live on the trampoline in my backyard. I could jump on it for hours on end. I slept on it during warm summer nights. Now my back and knees hurt if I jump on one for ten minutes. I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for trampolines, but I think I’ve outgrown the thrill of stationary jumping.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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