Tag Archives: pool

Swimming

I grew up in California suburbs and I was lucky enough to have a pool. That meant I got swimming lessons when I was five. They teach you the basics like the back float, doggy paddle, and treading water. Then you eventually advance to the freestyle stroke, breaststroke, backstroke, and butterfly stroke. Everybody should learn how to swim. Swimming is the art of moving through water without drowning. It could save your life if you’re ever caught in a flash flood, if your boat capsizes, or if your plane crash-lands in the Hudson River. There are lots of reasons why you should learn how to swim. You can swim for fun, survival, or exercise. And it’s an essential part of skinny dipping.

Critically Rated 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Puddles

A puddle is a small pool of a liquid. Most of the puddles that you encounter are rain puddles. If you have babies or puppies, you are more familiar with pee puddles. If you know my friends, you are more familiar with puddles of vomit. It was fun to splash and stomp in puddles in the rain when you were a kid, but then you grew up and realized that the world is a soulless, crushing place and now splashing in puddles doesn’t do anything for you anymore. The only joy you get from puddles these days is from watching cars drive through them and soaking old ladies walking down the sidewalk. Grandma shouldn’t be walking in the rain anyway.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Lazy River

A lazy river is a narrow and shallow pool with that flows like a river. They usually form a giant, winding loop. You typically find them at waterparks and nice resorts/hotels. Most of them have a slow moving current, perfect for drifting on with a tube or going for a casual swim. It’s also fun to lounge by the edge of the lazy river, catching some sun and watching a never-ending parade of people going by. Most of them also have waterfalls or fountains thrown in for good measure. It’s always funny watching people in a pool trying to avoid getting wet. Maybe swimming wasn’t such a great choice if you wanted to keep your hair dry. The biggest downside to lazy rivers is that they are really popular, so they are always crowded. And you know that there are a lot of people peeing in it. It might be diluted, but you’re still swimming in a giant toilet. Try not to think about it and don’t swallow the water.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Back Float

Humans are naturally buoyant. Even if you can’t swim, you can still back float. Babies can do it. Grandmas can do it. You can do it. The only person who can’t back float is me. I sink. Don’t get me wrong, I can swim. I can swim pretty damn good too. I’m no Michael Phelps, but I grew up in suburbia with a pool in my backyard and I can hold my own. But I still can’t back float. I can stay afloat for about 5 and a half seconds before my legs start to sink and the rest of my body gets dragged along. I would drown if I was asleep. I just think it’s bullshit that everyone else in the world is capable of doing something that I can’t do. I want to be able to float on my back and drift wherever the current takes me, without a care in the world. Don’t take your back floating abilities for granted.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Damp Towel

You get out of the shower or the pool and it’s time to dry off. You reach for a towel and are dismayed when you find it’s still slightly wet. Fuck. A damp towel is damn near useless. You use towels to dry off. You associate them with feeling warm, dry, and comfortable. A damp towel might still absorb some moisture but it’s not going to cut it. And it feels weird on your skin, like your cousin putting a hand on your knee. It’s just not right.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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