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Trampolines

A trampoline is a piece of fabric stretched over a metal frame using a bunch of springs. You jump on them. The bigger the trampoline, the higher you can bounce. Everyone starts with the small trampoline, the one that you use in kindergarten. You can only bounce a few inches on them. The small ones aren’t really fun; you need a trampoline that’s at least 14 feet in diameter. You get a few feet of air with each jump, enough to do flips and tricks, and it’s large enough to have a few friends jumping with you at the simultaneously so you can play games or time your bounces in order to launch someone into the air. These days trampolines come with safety nets. When I was a kid we didn’t bother with that shit. We had the trampoline right by the rose bushes, so if you fell off you would land in thorns. You had to get good if you wanted to survive. The best types of trampolines are the rectangular ones. These are the ones that you see in the Olympics. They provide the optimal amount of bounce.

Trampolines are a staple of suburban backyards but they are starting to creep into cities in the form of trampoline parks. They have gigantic rooms where all the floors and walls are trampolines so you can run and jump off the walls and pretend like you’re in the Matrix. Most trampoline parks even have regularly scheduled games of dodgeball. It gets pretty intense; I’m not going to lie. Trampolines are fun. But they are a reminder that I’m getting old. I used to live on the trampoline in my backyard. I could jump on it for hours on end. I slept on it during warm summer nights. Now my back and knees hurt if I jump on one for ten minutes. I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for trampolines, but I think I’ve outgrown the thrill of stationary jumping.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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