Tag Archives: wet

Wet Socks

I was walking into work the other day and I got caught in a sudden downpour. I was only outside for a few minutes, but that was more than enough time to get drenched. I was completely soaked in a matter of moments. The rain seeped inside my shoes and my socks absorbed all the water like a smelly sponge. I actually had to wring them out before I started my shift. Damp jeans I can deal with. Wet socks are something I try to avoid. I would carry a spare set of socks with me on rainy days, but that seems a little excessive and kind of weird. I’ll just stick to wringing them out and popping them in the microwave to dry them out. By the way, don’t use the microwave after me.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

wet socks

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Using a Toilet Seat Cover after Swimming

I made a mistake the other day. I was swimming at a hotel pool when the McDonald’s I had for lunch came back to haunt me. I had to take a shit and I had to take one immediately. I jumped out of the pool and made my way to the bathroom, and luckily the stall was unoccupied. I went inside and locked the door, put a toilet seat cover down for protection, dropped my swim trunks and proceeded to empty my bowels. I realized that I had a problem a few minutes into my poop: I was soaking wet and the piece of paper I was sitting on was now adhered to my backside. After I finished taking the Browns to the Super Bowl and wiping, I had to slowly peel the toilet seat cover off my skin, but it wasn’t easy. I had to scrub it and rub it to get it off, and I had to do it quietly to avoid attracting attention from the other people in the bathroom. That’s not something that you want to explain to strangers. Being hygienic is cool and all, but using a toilet seat cover after swimming is not something I would recommend.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Sticking Your Phone in Rice

It was really hot the other day, so I went swimming with a couple of friends. One of my friends was being really meticulous about emptying his pockets before jumping into the pool. He took off his watch, his chain, he took out his cash, he removed his wallet, then he ran to the pool and did a cannonball. He came up a second later with a scowl on his face and his iPhone in his hand. Fortunately, other people realized what had happened instantly, and before you know it his phone was in a bag of rice. Sticking your phone in rice and leaving it overnight will typically get your phone working again. The rice absorbs the moisture and your phone should start working again once it’s dried out. It’s important not to test your phone out while it’s still wet because you can short circuit it, and then no amount of rice will be able to save your phone. Rice is a wonder food. It feeds the world and saves electronics. It does way more for humanity than I ever will.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Walking Under Awnings With an Umbrella

I was just walking to the corner store and got caught in a sudden downpour. I was unprepared with only a hoodie and no umbrella. I ran underneath an awning and started making my way down the street, going from one storefront to the next, using the narrow pathway of protection that the awnings provided. The awnings kept me and my fellow unprepared pedestrians relatively dry, but every once in a while we would have to step around oncoming pedestrians going the opposite direction and go in the rain. That’s acceptable. What’s not acceptable is having to sidestep into the rain because some asshole is walking under the awnings with an umbrella. An umbrella is a personal and portable water dispelling device that enables the user to walk in the rain freely. It’s way better than relying on storefront awnings. That space should be reserved for the unprepared pedestrians, the ones who can’t walk freely in the rain. They deserve to be dry too. Any asshole walking underneath an awning with an umbrella deserves to be beat with it, even Rihanna agrees with that.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Lying in Bed While It’s Raining Outside

It is raining cats and dogs outside but you’re as snug as a bug in bed. Lying in bed while it’s raining outside is one of the great simple pleasures in life. You’re warm and relaxed and enjoying the soothing pitter-patter as the raindrops splash down. You know that the world outside your window is getting drenched while you remain completely dry and completely comfortable. Life is good on those wet mornings when you have no reason to get out of bed.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Taking a Shower and Forgetting Your Towel

Every once in a while you fail to follow your routine, and that can have some serious consequences. Like when you finish your shower and realize that you didn’t bring your fucking towel. Now you have a few options. You can flail you limbs wildly in a vain attempt to shake off the water. You can drip your way out of the bathroom and down the hall until you get to your towel. Or you can use a shit ton of toilet paper to sop off the excess moisture. I often wonder how MacGyver would handle the situation. No matter what, you know your day is going to be shitty when you start off by taking a shower and forgetting your towel.

Critically Rated at 5/17

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