Tag Archives: broken

Broken Umbrella 

The past few days in San Francisco have been rainy and windy, which means there are a lot of broken umbrellas abandoned in garbage cans across the city. I counted five in a two block radius when I walked my dog earlier. That’s a lot of wet angry people that wish they bought a poncho instead. 

I hate when my umbrella breaks. I’m usually huddled under it when a gust of wind flips it inside out, breaking one of the spoke hinge things. I don’t know what you call those things, but they are crucial for proper umbrella functioning. You’re fucked once one of them breaks. You can either cling to your broken umbrella or throw it away and get soaked. You’re going to look stupid and be miserable no matter what. 

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Random Rants

The Girl That Doesn’t Deserve a Cell Phone

Everyone has a friend that constantly loses or breaks their phone. Not to be sexist, but it’s usually a girl. Everyone knows the girl that doesn’t deserve a cell phone. She has a habit of randomly dropping it for no reason. She leaves it in cabs and bars and restaurants. She has to replace her broken or missing phones every three and half weeks. She goes through more phones than cell phone bills. She always gets the latest model and it always makes your phone look like a piece of shit, until she drops it and cracks the screen when she’s showing it off. The girl that doesn’t deserve a cell phone always has a new one. Don’t let her borrow your phone and don’t let her hold your baby.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under People I Feel Sorry For

Breaking a Bottle of Beer in Your Backpack

I know that this seems like a really random topic, but it just happened to me at the liquor store. I bought a few tall boys and a couple of bottles, paid the cashier, stuffed the beer in my bag, and dropped it and broke the bottle before he even handed me my change. I knew I was fucked as soon as it hit the ground. I could hear my backpack filling up with beer as the other customers just stood around shaking their heads at me. I had to go outside and pour the beer out of my backpack into the sewage drain. Then I came back inside, collected my change, and sheepishly walked out holding my dripping backpack. Then I got to go home and give my backpack a good rinsing in the shower to get rid of the booze smell and pieces of glass. At least my other beers survived because I definitely needed a drink after that. Breaking a bottle of beer in your backpack is not fun. I wouldn’t recommend it.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Drinks

An iPhone with a Cracked Screen

An iPhone with a cracked screen is like a dead dog on the freeway. It doesn’t matter if it’s not your dog, you still feel sad when you see it. An iPhone is a work of art, it is a sexy piece of technology, and a cracked screen can make it an ugly paperweight. Some people use a cracked screen as an opportunity to upgrade and buy a new phone. Some people use their insurance to get a replacement model. Some people embrace the crack and treat it like it’s a badge of honor. And some people have to borrow their little sister’s old Nokia. Life’s not fair.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Random Rants

Breaking a Piece

A pipe is a piece of art. You can look at it and admire its color and shape, its use of space, the way it catches the light. It’s beautiful. It’s also fragile and you smoke out of it. And if you smoke too much you might be clumsy and drop that shit. And it will break and you will be sad. Breaking a piece is inevitable; if you use it you will break it, because your stoney self isn’t as agile as you think.

Some pieces will last a long time. I had a pipe that I got for my 21st birthday that I broke a few days after my 27th birthday. 6 years for a pipe is pretty impressive. My pipe was there when Obama was elected… it lasted longer than Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise’s marriage. I would have been devastated when I broke it, but I was high. The only good thing about breaking a piece is that you get to buy another.

Critically Rated at 7/17

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Filed under 420