Tag Archives: singles

Wrath of Ones

There are special names for groups of things. It’s a school of fish, a pride of lions, a murder of crows. I propose that we call a bunch of one-dollar bills a wrath of ones. No server or stripper wants to deal with a wad of ones. It’s a hassle. You can’t do much with a dollar today. You have to go to the bank and deposit them on a regular basis. You can only go on so many shopping sprees at the dollar store. Shit gets old after a while. It should be called a wrath of ones because that’s precisely what it is. It’s a curse. It’s why people prefer credit cards over cash.
Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Greatest Hits Album

A greatest hits album is an album by a musical artist or group that contains some of their biggest hits. A lot of artists don’t like them because they feel like their singles belong to the album from which they came. They don’t like taking songs from different albums, eras, and phases and cramming them together. But you can’t deny the appeal of a greatest hits album to the audience. You get an album of all the best songs without any filler material. You get to experience more of the range and scope of their music. And it’s less of a dent on your wallet, which is always good. The first greatest hits album I ever bought was Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. It was the best decision I ever made. I knew that I liked “Free Fallin’” and “The Waiting” but I had no idea what was in store for me. I bought it, opened it, and shoved it in the car stereo and went for a drive. The first few chords of “American Girl” came on and my life was forever changed. I played that CD on repeat for the next few weeks. I went out and bought almost every single Tom Petty album I could. I’ve seen him in concert three times, soon to be four. I became a huge Tom Petty fan, all thanks to his greatest hits album. I’ve gone and bought a bunch of other greatest hits albums from other artists ranging from Neil Young to ZZ Top to the Doobie Brothers. Each greatest hit album purchase has led to me buying other individual albums from those artists. A good greatest hits album is like an advertisement that you pay to listen to, and then you go out and spend more money on their other albums. You get more entertainment, they get more cash in their pockets, everybody wins.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Tom Petty Hits

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Unload Some Ones

I’m a server and a bartender so I rely on tips to make a living. I leave each shift with a pocket full of cash. I prefer to keep larger bills like hundreds, fifties, and twenties, but some days I’m stuck with a bunch of fives and ones. I live in San Francisco… small denomination bills are about as practical as a pocketful of change. You can’t buy anything with a dollar. Even the bums will call you a cheapskate for dropping a buck in their pity cup. Whenever I’m stuck with a wad of ones, I head to my local liquor store and tell him that I’m going to unload some ones on him. The cashier is usually grateful because they’re always low on one-dollar bills. Every once in a while they don’t need them, so it’s a good idea to ask the cashier if he wants them. It also takes a while to count it out, so pick your moments. Don’t do it when there’s a line of customers. You don’t want to be a dick. Most of the time the cashier will accept them with a smile and you’ll leave with a lighter pocket. Everybody wins.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Ones

The lowest dollar bill denomination that we have. A lot of money if you are five years old, but they are the pennies of paper currency. They are kind of cryptic and have weird symbols like a pyramid with an eye and an owl/spider (depending on who you ask) hidden in the upper right corner behind the shield. Crispy, sexy ones are ideal for vending machines and for bus fare. George Washington rocks the front. He is on the dollar bill, the quarter and has a dollar coin as well, he’s tied with Lincoln and Jefferson for being featured on three different denominations.

Critically Rated at 14/17.

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