Tag Archives: vending machine

April 24, 2016 · 12:40 pm

Creature Comfort Vending Machine

I went to work with a slight cold the other day. I had a tickle in my throat and was coughing every now and then. I asked around for a cough drop but nobody had any. That gave me an idea for a creature comfort vending machine. Instead of being stocked with drinks and snacks, it would be stocked with items like cough drops, aspirin, vitamins, Band-Aids, little tubes of toothpaste, travel-sized sticks of deodorant, pocket tissues… basically a vending machine like a pharmacy without all the pills. It would be quick and convenient and you wouldn’t have to explain your purchases to a judgmental cashier. I think there would be a lot of demand for such a machine. In fact, I know it’s a good idea because they already invented it. I only found out when I searched for an image to use. I’m too lazy to write a new blog post, so let’s just pretend that they stole my idea. The creature comfort vending machine: coming soon to a break room near you.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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March 4, 2016 · 6:33 pm

Ripped Off by a Vending Machine

I was eating some buffalo wings in the break room at work. They were really spicy and I was started to sweat a little bit. I was too lazy to walk all the way back to the kitchen to get a glass of water, so I plopped four quarters into the vending machine for a can of Coke. I put in the money, entered the two digit code for the Coke, and eagerly awaited for it to fall down into the retrieval slot. The Coke never came. The machine ate my money. Needless to say, I was devastated. My world came crashing down all around me. I hate when I get ripped off by a vending machine. It makes me feel dirty and used. And it’s an inanimate object so it doesn’t fear my wrath. I was tempted to put in another dollar to see if I got two Cokes, but I was too worried about getting shafted again. It’s better to waste one dollar and not get a Coke than to waste two dollars and still not get any Cokes. I don’t trust vending machines anymore. My faith in them has been shattered.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 20, 2013 · 1:22 pm

Losing a Quarter to a Machine

Losing a quarter is not a big deal. It happens all the time. It will fall out of your pocket, you might accidently drop it on the ground, sometimes you give them away to bums without realizing it. But losing a quarter to a machine is enough to ruin your day. Sometimes you’ll go down to the Laundromat and choose a faulty washer that eats your coins. Then you have to beg for change from the other patrons. Sometimes the parking meter refuses to acknowledge the quarter you just fed it. Sometimes the vending machine will malfunction and refuse to give you a snack. Losing a quarter to a machine means that Skynet is winning, and the future is going to be a bleak one. You are funding Judgment Day each time you lose a quarter to a machine. It starts by stealing quarters and it ends with the mass genocide of mankind. Tread lightly.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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