I work at a corporate restaurant and have dealt with a lot of shitty customers. I bite my tongue and turn the other cheek because I have to. The end result is that I hate cheap people who do scummy things to get free food. A few months ago I was at Jack in the Box and there was an irate customer in front of me yelling at the teenaged cashier. From what I gathered, the customer was really upset that the cashier asked him if he wanted only an Ultimate Cheeseburger or the entire meal. The customer was going off, calling the cashier all sorts of nasty things.
Then the customer fucked up and asked me a question: “Hey buddy, wouldn’t you be upset if you clearly ordered one thing and they kept on trying to get you to buy more things that you don’t want?”
Finally I had a chance to voice my opinion to a shitty customer without getting into any trouble. I looked that asshole dead in the eye and said “First off, I’m not your buddy. And no, I wouldn’t be upset that he’s asking if I want to upgrade to the meal. That’s his job. You seem like the type of person who would also complain if he didn’t offer you the meal. You’re cheap, you’re rude, and you’re wrong.”
The guy didn’t seem to like my answer very much and called me an asshole. I told him he was an angry person. He went back to yelling at the cashier before he stomped away without buying anything. I went up to the cashier to order. He thanked me for having his back and gave me a coupon for a Jumbo Jack. I told him that it was my pleasure. I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time. Who knew that good deeds could be so satisfying?
Critically Rated at 16/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
I think it’s time that we sit together as a society and rethink our tipping procedure. There are a lot of douchebags that take advantage of the current tipping procedure. They will complain about drinks and food in an attempt to get free things. They will change their order ten minutes after the server rang it in. They will rack up a three hundred dollar bill and stiff the server on the tip. The server shouldn’t have to deal with that. I think that we should tip before we eat. It makes perfect sense. Your server/bartender should know if you’re a cheap asshole before they go out of their way to help you. If you tip well, then you would get better service. If you don’t tip well, then you get the service that you deserve. You get what you pay for in a perfect world. I don’t care how nice a table is, they don’t deserve good service if they don’t tip well. I don’t care how miserable a table is, they don’t deserve bad service if they tip well. The problem is that servers don’t know who is cheap and who is a decent human being until the table settles the bill or runs away. You should tip before you eat and get the service that you deserve. If you pledge 18% to your server beforehand, he/she will be more willing to help you out. And if food comes out wrong or your server fucks up, the bill will be discounted, but the server would still make 18%. Everyone wins.
Critically Rated at 14/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
A lot of places use a system for remembering if you are a regular patron to that particular establishment. A lot of coffee shops, sandwich spots, and burger joints will use a janky card that you use to punch out a hole with each purchase and your tenth hole is a free meal. Fuck that. The only place worth being a regular is at a bar. If a bartender knows you and recognizes you (and knows that you tip), you will get your drinks faster and stronger and occasionally free. Being a regular means you are established, that they know you. When you go into a place and they ask if you want the usual, you feel special. You also feel like a drunken loser who goes to the same spot way too much, but it’s nice to feel welcomed. You feel like you’re in Cheers or at Moe’s Tavern.
Critically Rated at 12/17
We’ve all been there before. It’s rush hour at the local convenience store. Your few items cost $7.84. You pay with a twenty. You get $2.16 in change and make it halfway home before you realize you’ve been shortchanged. You turn around and go back to the same cashier to logically explain your situation and get your money back. Only now he doesn’t recognize you. You’ve gone to the same store and dealt with the same people for more than a year. Yeah, you don’t know his name, but you know his face and you always acknowledge him. Isn’t that enough? Apparently not, now you have to take it up with the storeowner. They will nod and pretend to understand where you are coming from. Then they will side with their incompetent employee. Never mind the fact that you know what denomination you paid with, never mind the fact that they can review the surveillance tapes to verify what denomination you paid with… the customer is always wrong when payment is in dispute.
Critically Rated at 2/17