Tag Archives: tear

Ripped Jeans 

 Ripped jeans are either really cool or really stupid. It all depends on where the rip is. If the knee is ripped, that’s stylish and hip. If the crotch is ripped, your day is probably ruined. I have a pair of jeans with frayed back pockets. I’m reluctant to keep my wallet in them, but they look fashionable so I wear them every now and then despite their diminished functionality. Some people buy news pairs of jeans that are already ripped. I don’t believe in that. I believe that rips should be earned. There should be a story behind them. You should rip your jeans while running from a mountain lion while hiking. You shouldn’t rip your jeans with scissors because Oprah says it’s trendy. I don’t know why denim looks good ripped, but it does. You don’t see people walking around with ripped cargo pants or ripped yoga pants. I have a theory that jean shorts were accidentally invented when a ripped knee got out of control.  

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Ripped Dollar

I went out to dinner a few nights ago and picked up the check with my credit card. My friends opened their wallets and threw a couple of bucks my way and then we all parted ways. I got back home and took out the cash to count it and I noticed that someone slipped in a ripped ten-dollar-bill. It was practically ripped in half, and the two pieces were barely holding together. A slight breeze could have blown it apart. I felt hurt and betrayed. I could not believe that one of my so-called friends would have the audacity to give me such a ghetto piece of legal tender. At least tape it up before you give it to me. You only have two options when you get a ripped dollar. You can go to the bank and exchange it for another bill, or you can tape it up and try to pass it on to some unsuspecting cashier. Money is supposed to be crisp, clean, and sexy. Nobody wants a tainted ripped dollar. Try to get rid of it as fast as you can and move on with your life.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Random Rants