Tag Archives: cap

CORE Hydration Caps

CORE Hydration is a fancy brand of functional or enhanced bottled water. It’s basically overpriced water with added electrolytes. The bottle is easily distinguished by its big blue cap. The cap is way bigger than it needs to be. You could easily use it as a makeshift bowl for a dog on a hike or at the beach. The big blue cap is totally unnecessary. If you crack it open there is a regular bottled water cap underneath. CORE more than doubles the amount of plastic that it needs to just stand out on the shelf. Bottled water is already a scam and terrible for the environment. CORE Hydration takes it to a new level. I’m beginning the boycott. Say no to CORE!

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Hat

A hat is clothing for your head. There are a lot of different types of hats. There are baseball caps, there are fedoras, there are berets, there are visors, there are helmets, there are beanies… you get the gist. Lots of hats, lots of styles, lots of names. Hats can be functional. Some shade your eyes. Some keep your head warm. Some hold beer cans with straws so you can drink without having to use your hands. I’m not a hat person. I have a few hats but I rarely wear them. I can’t pull them off. I look weird with a hat on. Some people know how to rock them. They look better with a hat. Sometimes their hat becomes their trademark and defines them, like the lead singer of Jamiroquai or Indiana Jones. They would look weird without a hat. Try to imagine Robin Hood without a hat. You can’t. A Robin Hood without a Robin Hood hat isn’t a Robin Hood at all.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Water Bottle Cap

I have a couple of canteens that I use for camping, hiking, and when I hang out at the beach or park. It’s essential to stay hydrated and keeping water handy is a great idea whilst doing outdoor activities. I went to a friend’s birthday party in Golden Gate Park a few weeks ago and brought along my trusty canteens and a shit ton of beer. A few hours later the party was wrapping up and it was time to clean up and go. We gathered all our belongings, got all the trash, rolled our blankets, and glanced over our spot for anything left behind. The only thing that was missing was the cap to one of my canteens. A canteen is practically useless without its cap. I searched for the cap for a couple of minutes before I called it a loss and left with everyone else. I was tempted to throw away my canteen but I held on to it for some reason. Maybe it was hope. I’m glad that I didn’t toss it because it turned up a few days later. One of my friends accidently pocketed it that night and she found it when she put on her jacket again. She handed it back to me with a sheepish smile and a half-hearted apology. I was actually pretty impressed. I don’t know how she remembered that I was missing a water bottle cap. I guess she’s a good friend.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

canteen-cap

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Unfitted Hats

Unfitted hats are baseball caps that are adjustable. There is typically a strap or plastic thing that you can use to tighten or loosen the fit. They are cheaper than regular fitted hats because they can go on anybody’s head, no matter how misshapen it is. There’s never a reason to pay for one. Every unfitted hat in my wardrobe has been from a promotional giveaway, like for opening up a new checking account. I’m not a hat guy. I hardly ever wear hats. But even I know that unfitted hats aren’t fashionable. They are cheap and they make you look cheap, especially when you turn your cap backwards and have the strap on display in the center of your forehead. You think you look cool. You don’t. You look cheap. And cheap is not a good look. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t wear unfitted hats. I’m saying that I’ll like you less if you do.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Numb Mouth

I went to the dentist today to get a cap and a filling. Fun times, I know. But he did stab me with a needle and make my mouth numb. The dental procedure went well, just a little bit longer than I would have liked. I eventually escaped the chair and have been experiencing a numb mouth for the past few hours. It makes eating more of a challenge. You have to make sure you’re not chewing on your cheeks or dribbling soup down your chin. I can’t feel my lips or my tongue and I have a slight slur to my speech. If I saw myself on the street, I would assume that I was drunk. A numb mouth is a weird sensation. I kind of like it but I’d rather be drunk.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Bottle Caps

Bottle caps are caps for bottles, in case you didn’t know or are an idiot. This post is about the metal bottle caps for glass bottles, and not those stupid plastic caps for plastic bottles. There’s something charming about bottle caps. There are an endless variety of brands and colors. A lot of people collect them. It’s an easy hobby: you just drink a beer or soda and thrown the cap into your collection. I collect my beer bottle caps. It’s like keeping ticket stubs. I know which beer brands I’ve consumed and there’s the added bonus of knowing how much damage I’ve done to my liver. And it’s a lot.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Losing the Cap to Your Toothpaste

Oral hygiene is essential, both for your health or if you want to get laid. It’s important to have fresh breath and little plaque. That’s why a lot of us use toothpaste. When combined with a toothbrush, toothpaste fights cavities and brightens your teeth. You’ll brush once or twice a day, every day and every week of every year for your whole life (at least if your mom raised you right). So it’s inevitable that you will end up losing the cap to your toothpaste. Sometimes the cap falls in the toilet or on a tainted spot on the ground so you have no choice but to get rid of it. Sometimes the fucking cap just goes missing without any trace. Maybe someone stole it to drive me crazy. There’s nothing you can do about it. If it goes missing, you just have to deal with capless toothpaste. They don’t sell spare caps. You’re not going to put plastic wrap on the end. You’re just going to have an exposed tube for a while. There are worse things in life.

Critically Rated at 8/17

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