Tag Archives: toothpaste

Creature Comfort Vending Machine

I went to work with a slight cold the other day. I had a tickle in my throat and was coughing every now and then. I asked around for a cough drop but nobody had any. That gave me an idea for a creature comfort vending machine. Instead of being stocked with drinks and snacks, it would be stocked with items like cough drops, aspirin, vitamins, Band-Aids, little tubes of toothpaste, travel-sized sticks of deodorant, pocket tissues… basically a vending machine like a pharmacy without all the pills. It would be quick and convenient and you wouldn’t have to explain your purchases to a judgmental cashier. I think there would be a lot of demand for such a machine. In fact, I know it’s a good idea because they already invented it. I only found out when I searched for an image to use. I’m too lazy to write a new blog post, so let’s just pretend that they stole my idea. The creature comfort vending machine: coming soon to a break room near you.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Spare Toothbrush

I brush my teeth at least twice a day because good hygiene is important and bad breath is gross. I have a toothbrush that stays in my bathroom. That’s my main toothbrush. I use it when I wake up and I use it before I go to bed. But I also keep a spare toothbrush in my work bag that’s saved me a few times, like when my roommate is hogging the bathroom and I’m trying to leave the house. Sometimes I’ll crash at a friend’s house instead of going home after a late shift and my trusty spare toothbrush is always there to keep me feeling fresh and clean. And sometimes I get the urge to brush after lunch just in case there’s anything stuck between my teeth. A spare toothbrush is almost as important as your main toothbrush. So you should get one if you don’t have one. Maybe get a little tube of toothpaste to go along with it. A toothbrush without toothpaste is pretty pointless.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Losing the Cap to Your Toothpaste

Oral hygiene is essential, both for your health or if you want to get laid. It’s important to have fresh breath and little plaque. That’s why a lot of us use toothpaste. When combined with a toothbrush, toothpaste fights cavities and brightens your teeth. You’ll brush once or twice a day, every day and every week of every year for your whole life (at least if your mom raised you right). So it’s inevitable that you will end up losing the cap to your toothpaste. Sometimes the cap falls in the toilet or on a tainted spot on the ground so you have no choice but to get rid of it. Sometimes the fucking cap just goes missing without any trace. Maybe someone stole it to drive me crazy. There’s nothing you can do about it. If it goes missing, you just have to deal with capless toothpaste. They don’t sell spare caps. You’re not going to put plastic wrap on the end. You’re just going to have an exposed tube for a while. There are worse things in life.

Critically Rated at 8/17

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The Last Bit of Toothpaste

My tube of toothpaste is almost empty. It’s been almost empty for more than a week. Each morning I squeeze out enough to brush my teeth, and each night I squeeze out a little more. It’s important to get that last bit of toothpaste on your brush. You gotta get your money’s worth. My tube has been nearly depleted for a week, but there’s still enough coming out that I can’t just throw it away. It’s like a battery, you use it until it’s completely used up or it’s a waste.

Critically Rated at 12/17

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