Tag Archives: oral hygiene

Losing the Cap to Your Toothpaste

Oral hygiene is essential, both for your health or if you want to get laid. It’s important to have fresh breath and little plaque. That’s why a lot of us use toothpaste. When combined with a toothbrush, toothpaste fights cavities and brightens your teeth. You’ll brush once or twice a day, every day and every week of every year for your whole life (at least if your mom raised you right). So it’s inevitable that you will end up losing the cap to your toothpaste. Sometimes the cap falls in the toilet or on a tainted spot on the ground so you have no choice but to get rid of it. Sometimes the fucking cap just goes missing without any trace. Maybe someone stole it to drive me crazy. There’s nothing you can do about it. If it goes missing, you just have to deal with capless toothpaste. They don’t sell spare caps. You’re not going to put plastic wrap on the end. You’re just going to have an exposed tube for a while. There are worse things in life.

Critically Rated at 8/17

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Flossing

It wasn’t enough that mankind has created toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouthwash, electric toothbrushes, and tooth picks. So we invented string for your teeth. Now we have another way to remove shit from between your teeth and cut your gums. The average person flosses only a few times a year: either when they just ate corn on the cob, or if they have a dentist appointment the next day. I have no idea why I lie to the dentist about flossing semi-regularly. He knows that I’m lying. Oh yeah, and apparently it’s not romantic to floss with your girlfriend’s hair. You live, you learn.

Critically Rated at 7/17

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