Tag Archives: filling

Hot Pockets Pepperoni Pizza

Hot Pockets Pepperoni Pizza is the frozen microwavable pizza pocket that you grew up with. It’s glob of melted cheese, grease, and meat with a terrible tasting dough holding it all together. The end result is a turnover that tastes somewhat similar to a slice of pizza. The filling will be hot enough to burn the roof of your mouth with one bite and will be ice cold with the next. There is no such thing as a perfectly cooked Hot Pocket. It simply can’t be done. Or so I thought. I was looking at my Hot Pocket wrapper and I noticed that there are instructions for cooking the Hot Pocket in the oven, so I tried baking it instead of nuking it. It takes about 28 minutes to cook in the oven (not including preheating) and that’s a ridiculously long time to wait for a fucking Hot Pocket… but the filling was consistently hot throughout, the crust was nice and crunchy, it was as close to perfection as any Hot Pocket could be. But there’s not point using the oven to cook microwavable food. It defeats the purpose of buying microwavable food.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Snacks

Numb Mouth

I went to the dentist today to get a cap and a filling. Fun times, I know. But he did stab me with a needle and make my mouth numb. The dental procedure went well, just a little bit longer than I would have liked. I eventually escaped the chair and have been experiencing a numb mouth for the past few hours. It makes eating more of a challenge. You have to make sure you’re not chewing on your cheeks or dribbling soup down your chin. I can’t feel my lips or my tongue and I have a slight slur to my speech. If I saw myself on the street, I would assume that I was drunk. A numb mouth is a weird sensation. I kind of like it but I’d rather be drunk.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Random Rants

Losing a Filling

I have a sweet tooth; I eat more candy than a five-year-old on Halloween. I have a few cavities to prove it. The other day my friend gave me gumball. I didn’t really want it, but it’s bad for the economy to not accept free things. So I took it and chewed it for about fifteen seconds before I realized it shouldn’t be crunchy. That stupid gumball ripped out my filling. Losing a filling sucks. Even as I type this, my tongue keeps exploring the gaping hole in my molar. The worst part is that I can’t eat candy until I get a new filling. Then I will celebrate with some Skittles. I think I’ll avoid the gumballs from now on.

Critically Rated at 4/17

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Filed under Snacks