Tag Archives: baseball

Cracker Jack

Cracker Jack is a delicious blend of caramel coated popcorn and peanuts with a prize. You can’t forget about the prize. There used to be a cool prize like a magic ring or a whistle, but these days it’s usually a temporary tattoo or a paper cutout of some bullshit. Popcorn and peanuts are awesome by themselves, so when they combine their forces and also get caramelized it’s a delight for your taste buds. You don’t eat Cracker Jack every day. In fact, you forget about it for months at a time. But then baseball season comes back and you stars singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” and you get the sudden urge to buy them. That song is product placement at its best.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Watching the Game at the Bar

All across America and around the world people pack themselves into bars and pubs to watch their teams compete. Watching the game at the bar is more social, but it’s also more expensive than watching at home. It’s cool that you get to cheer and celebrate with other fans and you can discuss strategy and how bad the officials are. But you have to buy beer and food and you have to tip and that adds up. You have to deal with shit talkers and fair-weather fans who don’t know when to cheer. And there’s always a line for the bathroom. Watching the game at the bar is a ritual for some people and they like it. Some people don’t have any other place to watch it other than the bar so they have to suck it up and deal with it. No matter which camp you’re in, at least everyone in the bar can agree that watching sports and alcohol go hand in hand.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Yankees

The New York Yankees have won the World Series 27 times with forty appearances. That’s more than any other MLB team. The St. Louis Cardinals are a distant second with 11 World Series titles with eighteen appearances. That’s how dominant they are. That’s also why you either love the Yankees or hate the Yankees. You have no choice but to respect them. They are good at baseball and they are good for baseball.

            You expect to get into the playoffs if you’re a Yankees fan. If you are a fan of any other team, it’s a great season if you just make it to the playoffs. And if you advance, that’s even more exciting. Yankees fans consider it a losing season if they don’t win the World Series. The Yankees are the villains of Major League Baseball. So it’s sad if you’re a Yankees fan if they got knocked out, but every other baseball fan is happy. A loss for the Yankees is a win for everybody.

The Yankees are like your older brother who always dominates you at air hockey. After a while you just get frustrated at always getting your ass handed to you. Fuck air hockey and fuck the Yankees.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Fan (film)

Robert De Niro and Wesley Snipes star in Tony Scott’s adaptation of the book by Peter Abrahams that you never read. You probably didn’t see the movie either. It’s not that good. It’s not that bad either. It’s just not that memorable.

            Robert De Niro plays a San Francisco Giants fan with an unhealthy man-crush on star player Bobby Rayburn. Gil is a shitty knife salesman with a failed family life. His wife has divorced him and he alienates his son with his obsession with the Giants. When Gil loses his job, he loses his mind and becomes dependent on Bobby Rayburn to distract him from reality.

Rayburn is a Barry Bonds caliber player but he gets injured and starts struggling on the field. Gil takes it upon himself to get Rayburn back to star status. And when Rayburn refuses to acknowledge the fans, Gil takes it personally and tries to kill Rayburn and kidnaps his son. It’s safe to say that he’s slightly unhinged.

            Benicio del Toro and John Leguizamo play supporting roles, and you see John Kruk lumbering in the background as one of the Giants players. As usual Robert De Niro does a good job as his flawed character descends further and further into insanity. But Bobby Rayburn is the more interesting character. He has more of a character arc because Gil was always kind of crazy. Rayburn has his own demons to battle, like his batting slump, competition from his teammates, having to hit homeruns for sick kids, and dealing with a psychotic fan.

            This movie is all right if you’re a baseball fan. It’s even better if you’re a Giants fan. But I wouldn’t recommend this movie. It just is what it is. If anyone tells you that this is their favorite movie, they are either lying or an idiot.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Natural (film)

The Natural is widely heralded as the best baseball movie of all time. I’ve seen it. It’s not. It’s a very good baseball movie, worthy of being on a Top Five list, but it has too many flaws to be the best. Robert Redford stars as Roy Hobbs, an athlete who simply wants to be the best baseball player who ever lived. Barry Levinson directs this adaptation of Bernard Malamud’s novel and makes a few changes (like a whole different ending).

            Roy Hobbs is on the cusp of being a professional baseball player, but things go south when he gets shot in the stomach by a crazy lady and almost dies. 16 years later, Hobbs becomes a 35-year-old rookie for the fictional New York Knights. That’s a red flag right there. You can’t be the best baseball movie if your main character doesn’t even play for a real team.

In the beginning of the movie, a young Roy Hobbs watches his dad die of a heart attack by a tree. Then lightening strikes the tree and splits it and Roy makes a bat from the wood of his father’s death tree. Somehow this makes it a lucky bat, and Roy uses it to become a fierce homerun hitter and become the spark plug that revitalizes his losing team and makes them a contender for the pennant.

             Of course there’s lots of stuff that happens. Roy must choose between a shady seductress (Kim Basinger) or rekindling a relationship with his ex-girlfriend (Glenn Close). Spoiler alert: he choses Glenn Close. I don’t know why. Kim Basinger’s character might have been slightly evil and murderous, but she still looks like Kim Basinger. Glenn Close looks like a man. And she has a man’s name. It makes you think.

I read some review where they say that this movie avoids clichés. That’s bullshit. The whole damn movie is a cliché. The new guy with talent has to earn the respect of his coach and teammates. He gets a chance to play and makes the most of it. Everything is going great and then something happens and things aren’t going so great. But he still finds the courage and strength to play in one more game. And then he hits a gamewinning homerun and is hailed as a hero. And then he finds satisfaction outside of the stadium with his family.

            This is a good baseball movie. But it’s not the best. Bull Durham is better. Major League is better. A League of Their Own is better. The Sandlot is better. Even Little Big League is better. At least that movie had plays and situations and trivia. And real baseball teams.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Sloshball

Sloshball is like baseball or kickball but with a beer in your hand. You play offense with a beer, you play defense with a beer, and second base should be a keg. On paper the object of the game is simple: you want to score more runs than the other team before you run out of innings. But the real object of the game is to get drunk and have a good time. You have a good time sacrificing your beer to catch a foul ball. You have a great time by pegging a base runner and smashing his beer cup into his face. You have an awesome time laughing and cheering and celebrating great plays. Sloshball is fun sport, best reserved for birthdays and special events. It’s not recommended for kids.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Steroids in Sports

As long as there have been games and sports there has been cheating. Cheating and competition go hand in hand. Anyone who has ever played Monopoly wants to be the banker. Why? To steal money when no one is looking and buy yourself choice properties. So when a professional athlete takes steroids to perform better, it’s understandable. They just want to win. And if they want to sacrifice their balls to do so, I think that’s pretty fair.

An athlete getting caught juicing is like seeing a mouse. When you see one, you can be sure that there’s a lot more. Not every player is taking roids. It’s not as rampant as the Bonds-Canseco-McGwire era. But there are still a lot of juicers; they are just smarter about not getting caught. Except Melky Cabrera. But pitchers are using steroids too. It’s still a level playing field.

Sports are entertainment. There’s drama and elation and characters and storylines to follow. You love your team, but if they don’t go to the championship it won’t ruin your life. You know what’s entertaining? 500 foot home runs. Big tackles. The Expendables 2. Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger take steroids and everyone pats them on the back.

My official opinion on steroids is: WHO THE FUCK CARES? People cheat. It sucks. Get over it. Anything is ok as long as you don’t get caught.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Playing Catch

People like having fun and playing games are fun. One of simplest games you can play with another person is catch. All you have to do is throw an object to your partner and hope that they catch it. And then they throw the object back to you and you try to catch it. And then you throw it back to them, and on and on it goes. You can play catch with a baseball, a football, a tennis ball, a rolled-up sock, a Frisbee, a lemon, an egg… you have a lot of options. You can spice it up by keeping count of how many successful consecutive catches you make and then trying to break your record, or you can move around and try throwing to a moving target.

Playing catch is free and easy, but if you don’t have any friends you can throw a tennis ball against a brick wall or take up juggling.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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Baseball

Baseball is the best sport ever. Hands down. There is no debate. Baseball is America’s pastime for a reason. It is timeless. It means something. The love and passion that you have for your team is something that you can share with family, with friends, with complete strangers. If you’re in a strange new place and you see someone wearing your team’s hat, you have something to talk about. If you’re in a strange new place and you see someone wearing your rival team’s hat, you have something to talk about.

Cincinnati Reds Ken Griffey Jr

Baseball is an easy game to comprehend, but it takes a lifetime to master. People who have never seen baseball in person know that three strikes and you’re out at the old ball game. There is beauty in its simplicity. You can be a casual viewer and just be aware of the situation and what’s at stake. And you can also be a diehard fanatic and follow every single pitch, every play. How can such a simple game get so complex?

Baseball is all scenarios and statistics. It’s all about who is pitching and who is at the plate and who is on base and how many outs there are. Every single detail is accounted for and every single player is rated. This gives baseball a continuous feel. You know that Ty Cobb could play today. You know that Ichiro Suzuki could play back then. When you cheer for a team you can celebrate the accomplishments of the current roster and you also honor the past. I am a Giants fan, born in 1985. I never saw Willie Mays play, but I am proud that he was on my team. I can claim him as my own. You can’t do that with basketball, or football, or soccer. A baseball team has a legacy, a history, and if you are a fan of a team you celebrate the past, the future, the present.

Football has lost its way. You used to cheer for a team. Now everyone plays Fantasy Football and you cheer for individual players. You hope the Saints will lose but that Brees has a good game. That’s not what competition is. It’s about having pride for the team that represents you. It’s about each player having their moment to shine, but it’s the team that gets the win, not the individual.

The Chicago Cubs haven’t won a World Series since 1908. And they still have some of the most loyal fans in professional sports. You love your team, win or lose. And if they lose and you still root for them, each victory means more. That MLB: The Show commercial where the Cubs win the Series tugs at the heartstrings of every fan that knows what it’s like to lose. With the start of each new season, you hope that this is the year.

http://youtu.be/JVGAfA15U1I

Like I said, I’m a Giants fan. I was brought up being a Giants fan. I heard stories of Willie Mays and Willie McCovey and Juan Marichal from my grandma. I grew up watching Barry Bonds (steroids or not, he was still the best player of that era). I experienced the joy of making it to the World Series and felt the despair of losing in spectacular fashion in 2002. And somehow we made it back and won in 2010. I went to the parade to celebrate. I felt that I helped contribute to the win just by watching and believing and hoping. My aunt thanked me for going to the parade and representing our family. It meant something to them that I was even there participating. I thought about all the Giants games that my grandma watched and how she never got to experience the thrill of a championship in her city. The game is more than a game; it’s a link between generations. A win for the Giants is a win for all the Giants fans across the ages.

Baseball has no time limit. It can go on forever, and sometimes it seems like it does. And it’s never over until you make the final out. Take the 2011 World Series for example. The Texas Rangers were a strike away from winning it all. And the Cardinals came back to tie it. And then the Rangers were a strike away from winning it all again. I remember commenting to my friend, “How many times are the Rangers going to have to win this game?”… And then the Cardinals came back again and won the game. And won again the next night. And they won the series even though logic and common sense said they should have lost.

The defense has the ball. That is different from most other sports. It adds drama, it adds tension. It’s a game of skill. The best players only hit the ball slightly more than three out of ten times. If you fail 70% of the time you are still considered good.

Baseball is a marathon not a sprint. The regular season lasts 162 games over 6 months. More games mean less tension. Each game is still important, but it’s not a matter of life or death. So you’ll see less fighting on the field and in the stands. You’ll still see rivalries and trash talking and the occasional fights, but you don’t see riots and brawls like with soccer. This helps to make it more of a family game. You go with your parents and grandparents when you’re young, and you go with your kids and grandkids when you’re old. And you talk about who’s on first, and what’s on second, and you laugh and joke and sing Take Me Out to the Ball Game.

Baseball is a great game. It is casual and complex and fun and frustrating. Sometimes it is all you have to talk about, all you have to live for. It’s more than a game. It’s a way of life. At least for 6 months out of the year.

Critically Rated at 17/17

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Catching a Foul Ball

One of the best parts about going to baseball games is having the chance to make a play and snag a fly ball. I go to a lot of baseball games, anywhere from 15-20 games a season. I’ve never caught a foul ball. I’ve come close, the ball has literally been three feet away from me, but other people have better luck or a glove and snatch the ball away. I don’t even want to keep the ball, it would be awesome just to catch it. The memory of catching it is good enough, I would give the ball away to a little kid. I get the glory of catching the ball (and hopefully getting on TV), and the kid gets an awesome souvenir and becomes a baseball fan for life.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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Rookie of the Year (film)

Funky buttloving, the early 90’s had a bunch of family movies about baseball. There was Little Big League, Angels in the Outfield, and The Sandlot. There was also Rookie of the Year, the tale of twelve-year-old Henry Rowengarter who gains the ability to throw 100 mph fastballs after he breaks his arm in a freak accident. Thomas Ian Nichols plays the title character, Gary Busey plays an aging pitcher, and Daniel Stern plays the annoying pitching coach and directs the movie as well. If you didn’t see this movie when you were a kid, you probably think that this movie sucks. And you’re right. It does.

Henry Rowengarter is an average kid who loves baseball. The problem is that he sucks at baseball. He spends his days hanging out with his two friends just having fun and being a kid. He lives with his single mom, and is annoyed with her new douchey boyfriend, Jack. Henry is the worst player on his Little League team and gets made fun of. One day he breaks his arm. When he finally gets his cast removed, the tendons in his arm have constricted, which gives him the awesome side effect of being able to throw a baseball at a hundred miles an hour.

Henry discovers his new ability when he’s at a Cubs game and the visiting team hits a homerun and he throws the ball back. The Cubs are a little desperate for talent and attendance and hiring a kid with an arm like Nolan Ryan would fill the seats. Jack sees dollar signs and becomes Henry’s agent.

Henry joins the Chicago Cubs without being drafted or playing a single game in the minors or even being of legal age. In his first game he comes in to relieve his pitching idol, the fading Chet “Rocket” Steadman (Gary Busey). He gives up a homerun, hits a batter, and throws a wild pitch on his first three professional pitches, but ends up with the win.

With the help of Rocket and the weird pitching coach Phil Brickma (Daniel Stern), Henry learns how to pitch. He starts to get sucked into the glamorous lifestyle of being a professional prepubescent pitcher and starts neglecting his friends. His sleazy agent hatches a plot to trade Henry to the Yankees, but Henry finds out and fires him. Henry realizes that he was being a dick and makes up with his friends and decides that this will be his last season.

Before he quits he wants to send his team to the playoffs. He comes in to relieve his idol in the final game of the season. He pitches well, but then he slips on a ball and loses his arm. He uses his wits and cheap tactics and an illegal pitch to retire the side and send the Cubs into the post season. The movie jumps ahead to Henry winning a Little League game and pumping his fist in celebration, and the movie ends on a close-up of his World Series ring. I guess the Cubbies did it. Even if it’s fictional you gotta take what you can get.

For a movie about baseball, they sure don’t respect it. You never see Henry take a warm-up pitch. You hardly see any real baseball plays. You just see a bunch of obvious discrepancies, like Henry isn’t even eligible to play, and he’s not eligible to win Rookie of the Year because he joined the Cubs in August and you have to pitch at least fifty innings to qualify. Nitpicky stuff, but other movies like Little Big League pay attention to baseball rules and that’s kind of important in a fucking baseball movie.

Gary Busey is a great actor and he has a decent appearance as Chet “Rocket” Steadman. His character is gruff and surly in the beginning but warms up to Henry and become a father figure to him. His great transitional scene is his moment on the mound with Henry where he talks about “hattitude” in a rambling attempt at a pep talk. Daniel Stern does a pretty good job directing this movie, but he insists on ruining it by playing the most annoying character in cinematic history. He is desperately trying to be funny, but even kids can tell when an actor is phoning it in. I know it’s a kid’s movie, but you can at least try to portray a character with a little respect for the audience. John Candy plays the announcer for the Cubs. It’s not his best role, but John Candy is always a plus. He made movies better just with his presence.

This movie is kind of lame. You might have fond memories of it, but if you study this film for its artistic merit you wont find any. It has its moments, but so do most movies. If this is your favorite 90’s kid’s baseball movie, you have obviously never seen The Sandlot.

Critically Rated at 10/17

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The Babe (film)

John Goodman stars as the great George Herman “Babe” Ruth in director Arthur Hiller’s The Babe. Babe Ruth is an American icon; many consider him to be the best baseball player of all time. He was larger than life and lived like he was. This biopic covers the rise and fall of his career, playing as much to the myths as to the facts. There’s heroes and there’s legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. And yes, I did steal that from The Sandlot.

The Babe Movie Poster

The movie starts with Babe’s dad giving up on him and dropping him off at St. Mary’s, an orphanage/reformatory. He’s a chubby troublemaker who gets picked on constantly. That all changes when he picks up a bat and discovers that he was made to play baseball. He’s a phenomenal pitcher and has a powerful bat. In a few short years he catches the eye of the Baltimore Orioles and leaves the orphanage to conquer the world.

Babe is too big for Baltimore, and he goes to the Boston Red Sox. Babe is too big for Boston, and he goes to the Yankees. The bulk of the film takes place in his Red Sox and Yankee days. They explore how success has gone to his head. Babe wants it all, and he can suddenly have it all, and since he’s just a big kid he goes nuts. He has a good heart, but he’s brash and impulsive and hurts people without meaning to.

John Goodman does a decent job as the Babe. He is a little too old to be playing him, and he’s also too fat. Most actors would have to gain weight to play him, but Goodman could stand to lose a few pounds. There are dozens of actors that could have done a better job. Babe Ruth was larger than life, it was his exploits that make the movie interesting, not Goodman’s portrayal of him.

The Babe is like a kid. He has no manners. He is blatant and just says whatever is on his mind. He has no social skills; he uses other people’s toothbrushes and farts at fancy parties. He wears his heart on his sleeve, he will be ecstatic one moment and having a tantrum the next. He has a habit of calling people Dad, a sign of his broken childhood.

Trini Alvarado plays Helen, Babe’s first wife. He loves her, and marries her, and starts a family with her. And he wants to be with her. But he can’t. He can’t be contained. He wants to party and go to the city, not stay at home and play house. So he goes out, and girls throw themselves at him, and people kiss his ass, and he feels happy. But he hurts Helen over and over again. They separate, but the whole relationship shows how damaged Babe is. Eventually he finds love again, and this time Claire (Kelly McGillis) is able to handle him, she acts like a parent figure and gives him rules and boundaries.

They humanize Babe off the field, and they embellish what he did on it. He never hit a popup so high that he got an infield home run. He never hit 2 homeruns for a sick kid in the hospital. He might have called his shot, but it was not that dramatic. He hit three homers in one game in the twilight of his career as a Brave, but he didn’t retire right after.

People often debate about who the best baseball player of all time is. Willie Mays, Ted Williams, Ty Cobb, Hank Aaron, Lou Gehrig, and Stan Musial are all in discussion, but Babe Ruth was a 100% natural talent. He singlehandedly changed the game. Not only is he arguably the best homerun hitter of all time, but he’s also considered one of the best pitchers of all time.

This is not a great baseball movie. It’s not really a good movie either. It’s just an average movie made about a great man. I’m not one for remakes, but I think we can do a better Babe Ruth movie. It doesn’t have to be 3D or in IMAX, but Americans love baseball and Americans love Babe Ruth. So anyway, this is an alright movie, it could have been better.

Critically Rated at 9/17

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For Love of the Game

Kevin Costner did a lot of baseball movies. Over fifty-seven by some estimates. In this one he plays an aging pitcher throwing the last game of his career. Sam Rami directs it, and it is really down to earth, especially considering some of the crazy stuff he’s done in the past. The film flashes back and forth between fictional Detroit Tigers pitcher Billy Chapel facing the New York Yankees and key moments in Chapel’s relationship with his on again/off again girlfriend, Jane.

John C. Reilly plays Gus, Billy’s reliable catcher and friend. J.K. Simmons plays the Tigers manager. Brian Cox plays the owner. Jena Malone plays Heather, Jane’s daughter. And the always sexy Kelly Preston plays Jane Aubrey, the sexy love interest.

The baseball playing is really just a trick to lure guys into watching this film. It’s really a chick flick. It’s bearable because of the baseball to an extent, but this is a love story. There is way more about love and relationships than there is cool stuff about baseball. And there’s no nude scenes, so the love story part isn’t that cool.

Vin Scully plays himself. For some reason he is announcing a game between the Yankees and the Tigers. It doesn’t matter that he’s the announcer for the LA Dodgers. Whatever. It’s dumb to get permission to use real teams from the MLB and then have the wrong announcer from the wrong side of the country calling a game for the wrong league.

I’ve seen a lot of Kevin Costner baseball movies. This one probably isn’t even in his top twenty. If you see it while channel surfing, it’s ok to watch it. Just don’t go out of your way to see this movie. You aren’t missing much.

There are worse chick flicks than this. But just remember that it is a chick flick pretending to be a baseball movie. That’s manipulative Hollywood marketing. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Oh by the way, he pitches a perfect game and gets the girl. Life is great sometimes.

Critically Rated at 11/17

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David Sunflower Seeds Original

I can’t wait for the Major League Baseball season to begin, and so I will write about the game’s official snack. Hot dogs and Cracker Jack are typical stadium junk food, but it you want to act like you’re in the game, you need sunflower seeds. And no brand of seeds is better than David. David sunflower seeds are consistent in size and flavor, with the occasional salt lump thrown in as well. The bag calls eating seeds a “snacktivity.” That’s clever and true, you have to do some work to eat seeds. Amateurs can only eat them one at a time, but if you are a stud like me, you can store a handful in your cheek like a hamster and use your tongue and teeth to de-shell them. If you can eat the kernel and spit out the shell without biting your tongue then you are doing it right. Good for you. I take back all that shit I said about you.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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Field of Dreams

– “Is this Heaven?”

-“No, it’s Idaho.”

 

The fact that you are red in the face and screaming “IOWA, IDIOT!” just goes to show you how memorable this movie is. It is definitely Kevin Costner’s most quoted baseball movie. “If you build it, he will come.” Classic line. “Ease his pain.” Another classic line.  And anything James Earl Jones says is classic from “Moonlight Graham” to his “People will come” speech.

This is a great feel good family film. It deals with family, faith, hope, and baseball. Baseball brings us together, and this film proves it. I never played catch with my dad (he wasn’t the athletic type). But we did watch this movie together, and that was almost as good.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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