It’s Super Bowl Sunday, America’s favorite pseudo-holiday. Football is the religion of choice for a lot of people. Super Bowl Sunday is like Christmas, New Year’s and Flag Day all rolled into one. The Baltimore Ravens face off against the San Francisco 49ers in New Orleans. Oh, and in case you haven’t heard, the two head coaches are brothers so everyone is talking about the Harbaugh Bowl (or Harbowl if you like puns). Some people are talking about Ray Lewis playing his last game. Everyone else is Kaepernicking.
The weird thing about the Super Bowl is that nobody is allowed to say it. It’s always “The Big Game” or some variant. It’s dumb; everyone knows that “The Big Game” is the Super Bowl. I don’t know why the NFL is so opposed to free advertising. I know that the NFL is a business, but they are stingy as fuck. They would charge you for the ice in your soda if they were a restaurant.
The Super Bowl boosts the economy in a lot of ways. Beer and alcohol sales skyrocket. Chips, dip, salsa, wings, cheese plates, and pork rinds fly off the shelves. Big screen TVs and surround sound systems get sold out. And I’m pretty sure that adult diaper sales also increase because you can’t go to the bathroom. You can’t miss the game and you can’t miss the commercials and all that beer has to go somewhere.
Enjoy the game, enjoy the day, and enjoy the people you’re spending it with. Get drunk, eat food, make bets, and have fun. And no matter the outcome, respect your city. It’s a game, not a reason to go riot.
Critically Rated at 15/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young