October 29, 2013 · 1:29 pm

World War Hulk (comic)

World War Hulk is a comic book storyline and the sequel to Planet Hulk. The Hulk returns to Earth to get his revenge on the Illuminati (Iron Man, Mr. Fantastic, the Black Bolt, and Doctor Strange) for banishing him from Earth and for detonating a bomb that killed his alien wife and unborn child. Remember: the angrier the Hulk gets, the stronger he gets. And right now he’s pretty pissed off and rightfully so. The Hulk wants justice and anyone who stands in his way is his enemy. The Illuminati have to resort to some desperate measures in order to stop the green monster, but the Hulk has never been angrier (and therefore, he’s never been more powerful).

Writer Greg Pak and penciller John Romita, Jr. tell a tale of revenge and redemption. The Hulk’s rage has the potential to destroy the world. World War Hulk is an entertaining follow-up to Planet Hulk, but it’s not nearly as good. It answers a few lingering questions from Planet Hulk, but it’s not as epic. It’s a shorter story, and it seems rushed at times. It’s still entertaining though. There are a lot of entertaining moments, but nothing compares to the climax where the Hulk releases his full fury and the world seems completely fucked.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 28, 2013 · 9:00 am

Going Slower Than You Usually Do

Not too many things are as frustrating as when you’re going slower than you usually do. You’re doing a task that you do all the time. You know exactly how to do it. You know how long it should take to finish the job. And then some outside force starts dragging you down and holding you back. It’s like driving to work in the rain, you know the best way to get there but the slick roads and idiot drivers are making you late. It’s not your fault but there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s infuriating when you’re not in control. You think that you should have already been done by now, and it makes you mad that you aren’t yet.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 28, 2013 · 8:57 am

Emergen-C

I grab a few packets of Emergen-C every time I start sniffling and sneezing. Emergen-C is a powdered drink mix that contains a shitload of Vitamin C. Like a single packet has 1000 milligrams of Vitamin C. That’s 1667% of your recommended daily value. And they suggest taking it twice a day. That’s 3334%. That’s a whole lot of Vitamin C. It’s even more effective if you mix it with orange juice. If that doesn’t kick your cold’s ass, nothing will. It comes in a variety of flavors, like Super Orange, Tangerine, Raspberry, Lemon-Lime, Cranberry-Pomegranate, Pink Lemonade, Triple Berry… there are more but I never see them in stores so I don’t think that they are real. I tell friends to try Emergen-C whenever they are starting to feel a cold coming on. I’m not trying to help them; I just like telling people what to do.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 27, 2013 · 11:56 am

Legless Lizards

Legless lizards are lizards with no legs. They look exactly like snakes. But scientists insist that they are legless lizards. A legless lizard is different from a snake because they either have eyelids, external ear holes, or a lack of broad belly scales. But I think that the scientists are just being stubborn. If it looks like a snake, it’s a snake. Let’s not complicate things with mere technicalities.

But if legless lizards do exist, we should do something to help them. I mean they have no legs. They can’t move very far or very fast. Maybe we should all invest in prosthetic lizard legs or lizard wheel chairs. If everybody picked up just one legless lizard each day, and carried them just a few feet, we could make the world a better place. For the legless lizards and for all of us.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 27, 2013 · 11:53 am

Handkerchief

A handkerchief is a piece of fabric that you use to wipe for hygienic purposes. But it’s not very hygienic. At all. It’s kind of like a Kleenex made of reusable cloth. Once upon a time, someone decided that a designated mucus towel is somehow classy and fancy, and society went along with it. But they didn’t fool me. I don’t see much of a difference between using a handkerchief and using your hand to blow your nose and putting the phlegm directly into your pocket. If you have a runny nose, you should just grab a tissue and then throw it away. Handkerchiefs make no sense. You don’t wipe your ass and reuse the toilet paper the next time you have to shit. A handkerchief is essentially a glorified snot rag that you put back into your pocket after you blow your nose. And that’s fucking gross, bro.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 26, 2013 · 8:59 am

Planet Hulk (comic)

Planet Hulk is a storyline from Marvel Comics focusing on everybody’s favorite green monster (sorry Shrek, you got nothing on Hulk). It’s written by Greg Pak with artwork by Carlo Pagulayan. It’s a pretty long story, spanning Incredible Hulk #92-105 and also including Giant-Size Hulk #1. I’ve never read any Hulk comics before this one, and this was a great one to start with. You don’t need to know much about the Hulk’s backstory to enjoy it. Most of the characters are new, so you learn about them as the Hulk does (although the Silver Surfer makes a brief appearance).

So basically the Hulk crashlands on a planet that resembles ancient Rome called Sakaar. Sakaar is run by the ruthless Red King, whose hobbies include slavery, genocide, gladiatorial combat, and absolute power. The Hulk gets sold into slavery and becomes a gladiator and has a chance to ultimately gain his freedom. Hulk reluctantly forms an alliance with a few other gladiators, and together they find the strength to survive. Along the way, they start to inspire the other slaves and repressed citizens of Sakaar, causing them to rise up and revolt. Imagine Gladiator, but with Hulk instead of Russell Crowe and you’ve got the right idea.

Planet Hulk is a fun read, and it leads right into World War Hulk. Marvel knows how to get you hooked. This is a great story, even if you don’t like comics.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 26, 2013 · 8:55 am

Mooning People

Mooning people isn’t very mature, but it’s funnier than hell. Mooning is when you show your bare ass to an unsuspecting victim. I used to moon people a lot when I was younger. I don’t do it anymore. Once you’re over the age of eighteen it can be considered indecent exposure and that doesn’t look so great on the resume. There are a lot of reasons to moon someone. You can moon someone as a joke, you can moon them for revenge, you can moon them just because you feel like it. If you decide to moon somebody, make sure that your victim doesn’t have a stick in their hand. Unless you’re into that sort of thing.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 25, 2013 · 9:59 am

Don’t Step On a Crack

There’s an old playground saying that goes something like: Don’t step on a crack, or you’ll break your mother’s back. This terrified me as a kid. I jumped over every single sidewalk crack and break in the asphalt. I loved my mother (I still do), I didn’t want her to break her back. And I sure as hell didn’t want to be the one responsible for breaking her back. The guilt and the hospital bills would kill me. I grew up and stopped being OCD about it, but every now and then I will purposely avoid stepping on a crack just in case. She still hasn’t broken her back, so it must be working a little bit.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 25, 2013 · 9:56 am

Now & Later Wild Fruits

Now & Later is a brand of long lasting fruit chew candies. They typically come in a pack of 18 pieces with three different flavors. The Now & Later Wild Fruit chews come in Tropical Punch, Wildberry, and Watermelon flavors. Tropical Punch comes in a yellow wrapper, but the candy inside is red. Wildberry has a blue wrapper, but the candy is purple. And the Watermelon has a green wrapper with a pink candy inside, mimicking an actual watermelon. Nothing is as it seems. They are all really fruity, sweet, and have exaggerated, exciting flavors. These are kind of a kid’s candy. You don’t see too many adult chewing on Now & Laters. They stain your tongue and dye your spit. They could potentially rip out a filling. But they taste good and make me nostalgic for my childhood. I don’t see them much these days, so I’ll grab a pack whenever I come across them in a shop.

Critically Rated at 1417

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 24, 2013 · 1:15 pm

Stone Suede Imperial Porter

California’s Stone Brewing Co. presents Suede Imperial Porter, a limited batch ale brewed with calendula flowers, jasmine and honey. I don’t know why they call it Suede. It doesn’t smell like leather and it doesn’t taste like leather. It has a roasty and chocolaty aroma with fruity floral scents. It has a roasted malt flavor, and I can also taste chocolate, coffee, brown sugar, jasmine, lavender, and hops. It’s kind of a sweet porter with just little bitterness thrown in to balance it out. I’ve had better porters, but not many. It also has a hefty 9.6% alcohol content, enough to put a couple of hairs on your chest. I wouldn’t recommend chugging it, this is a beer that you sip on and savor. I would get it again. Too bad it’s only around for a few more weeks.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 24, 2013 · 1:13 pm

Peeling Off a Band-Aid

Peeling off a Band-Aid hurts more than getting hurt. You get cut, you get a Band-Aid, you apply it to the wound, you wait a couple of days, and then you try to peel it off. But the adhesive that they use is designed to latch onto your body hair and rip it out. You can take your time and slowly peel off the Band-Aid and prolong your agony, or you can pull it off with one swift motion and potentially rip off your scab, which would require another Band-Aid and you repeat the cycle. Peeling off a Band-Aid is like unwrapping a Christmas present, except you expose a festering wound instead of getting something you want.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 23, 2013 · 1:51 pm

Meh

Meh is the perfect response for when somebody asks you something that you don’t care about. If you’re not hungry and Dave asks what you want for lunch, you might respond with a “Meh.” It’s dismissive but not overly rude. It’s a way of saying that you’re on the negative side of neutral on the subject and that you’re bored by the question. It’s primarily an interjection of indifference, but it can also be used as an adjective to describe something mediocre: “the school play was meh.” Meh is a powerful word. It should be used more often in everyday conversations (and not just by fans of The Simpsons). I was hoping that this post would be a little better, but it turned out kind of meh. Oh well.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 23, 2013 · 1:49 pm

First Aid Kit

If you are as accident-prone as I am, then you should probably have a first aid kit somewhere in your house. A first aid kit is a collection of medical supplies like gauze pads, Band-Aids, antiseptic sprays/wipes, tweezers, aspirin, space blankets… basically everything you need to keep you alive until you get to the hospital. If you don’t have one, you should go get one. Right now. This review can wait. You don’t want to be caught unprepared and there are a billion ways that you could get hurt at any given time. A first aid kit will at least give you a fighting chance to survive in this fucked up world. People get hurt and injured all the time, and a first aid kit could be the difference between life and death. Plus you can always raid it if you’re desperate for a Halloween costume.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 22, 2013 · 9:57 am

The New Hundred-Dollar Bill

The US Federal Reserve recently updated the hundred-dollar bill. The old design was starting to show it’s age, plus it was vulnerable to counterfeiting. The new hundreds are instantly recognizable and harder to forge. They are more colorful and have more advanced security features, including a spiffy new blue holographic security ribbon. It’s a significant upgrade and a major improvement from the old design, but American money still pales in comparison to bills from other countries. The new hundreds look cool, but the Federal Reserve needs to step up its game if it wants to compete with the rest of the world. Euros look cooler. Canadian dollars look cooler. Even Mexican pesos look cooler than American money. The hundreds are the best designed bill that we have in our arsenal, but it’s not that impressive compared to other currencies. We are behind the times.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 22, 2013 · 9:55 am

Krave Pineapple Orange Beef Jerky

Pineapple Orange is yet another one of  Krave’s gourmet jerkys. This is a very sweet and fruity beef jerky, as you would expect. It smells citrusy, but the odor of cooked pineapple can’t be ignored. It’s reminiscent of a holiday dinner, with meat and fruit scents fighting for your nose’s attention. The jerky is not as moist as I expected, it was pretty dry and slightly crumbly around the edges. It smells better than it tastes. It’s kind of dull on the taste buds, plus it was really dry and hard to chew. It takes like it’s past the sell by date but it’s not. This was a disappointing purchase. Krave has a lot of jerky verities that are better than this one, but this is one of the flavors you should avoid.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 21, 2013 · 8:20 pm

Slamming the Door on Your Finger

Slamming the door on your fingers is painfully stupid. It hurts like a motherfucker, and you feel like an idiot because you know how they work, you’ve been opening and closing them your whole life. It only takes a split second to slam the door on your misplaced finger. You scream in agony and jump around trying to shake away the pain. You hope that you aren’t going to lose a fingernail because that makes a bad situation even worse. Not only does it hurt like a bitch, but everyone will also see your missing fingernail and ask you what happened, and you’ll spend the next few weeks telling your sob story to family, friends, and strangers. Slamming the door on your finger reminds you that there is no such thing as a safe routine, that sometimes the universe wants you to suffer.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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October 21, 2013 · 8:17 pm

Aquafina Flavorsplash Berry Loco

Aquafina Flavorsplash Berry Loco is a sparkling nutrient enhanced flavored water beverage. Doesn’t that sound appetizing? And scientific? It tastes vaguely of berries. It says on the label that it is a four berry blend flavor. I can’t figure out what four berries it’s supposed to be flavored like. It has a pink hue to it, so I’m guessing that strawberries and raspberries are two of the four flavors. I don’t know why they call it Berry Loco. It doesn’t really taste like berries, much less crazy ones. It has zero calories and a very slight aftertaste. It’s drinkable and refreshing, but I would still take a Vitamin Water over it. It’s alright, but it’s pretty forgettable at the same time.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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