Tag Archives: fingernail

Slamming the Door on Your Finger

Slamming the door on your fingers is painfully stupid. It hurts like a motherfucker, and you feel like an idiot because you know how they work, you’ve been opening and closing them your whole life. It only takes a split second to slam the door on your misplaced finger. You scream in agony and jump around trying to shake away the pain. You hope that you aren’t going to lose a fingernail because that makes a bad situation even worse. Not only does it hurt like a bitch, but everyone will also see your missing fingernail and ask you what happened, and you’ll spend the next few weeks telling your sob story to family, friends, and strangers. Slamming the door on your finger reminds you that there is no such thing as a safe routine, that sometimes the universe wants you to suffer.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Clipping Your Nails Too Short

You can either bite your nails or clip them to keep them short and maintained. Biting is messy and people judge you if they see you doing it, so it’s better to use nail clippers to trim them. Just be carful you don’t get carried away. Clipping your nails too short can hurt and feel uncomfortable, especially on your toes because you have to wear socks and shoes. It feels like someone is stepping on your toes all day long. And nails take forever to grow, so sometimes it sucks for a while. Clipping nails is like drinking, you have to know your limit or you’ll regret it the next day.

Critically Rated at 7/17

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Forgetting to Clip One Nail

I clip my fingernails every few days. I usually do a good job at it too. I trim them all, and they look decently presentable. But every once in a while I forget to clip one fingernail. Occasionally it’s a thumbnail. There’s only one solution: to bite it off. Just make sure no one sees you biting it, cause they will judge you and label you a nail biter. All because of forgetting to clip one fingernail.

Critically Rated at 7/17

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