Slamming the door on your fingers is painfully stupid. It hurts like a motherfucker, and you feel like an idiot because you know how they work, you’ve been opening and closing them your whole life. It only takes a split second to slam the door on your misplaced finger. You scream in agony and jump around trying to shake away the pain. You hope that you aren’t going to lose a fingernail because that makes a bad situation even worse. Not only does it hurt like a bitch, but everyone will also see your missing fingernail and ask you what happened, and you’ll spend the next few weeks telling your sob story to family, friends, and strangers. Slamming the door on your finger reminds you that there is no such thing as a safe routine, that sometimes the universe wants you to suffer.
Critically Rated at 4/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young