Tag Archives: kleenex

Using Toilet Paper as Kleenex

I’ve been sick the past few days and I’ve been lazy my whole life and so I’ve been using toilet paper as Kleenex to wipe my nose. We don’t have any Kleenex in my house, but we do have an ample supply of toilet paper. So I use that. It’s a waste of time and money to buy a different type of disposable tissue that you’re only going to use once to clean up bodily functions and then throw away.  Besides, it’s easier to blow your nose with toilet paper than to wipe your ass with Kleenex. T.P. is more essential and this economy makes you prioritize. Judge me all you want. It’s still better to use toilet paper as Kleenex than using your arm. Yeah, I saw you do that. You’re gross.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Handkerchief

A handkerchief is a piece of fabric that you use to wipe for hygienic purposes. But it’s not very hygienic. At all. It’s kind of like a Kleenex made of reusable cloth. Once upon a time, someone decided that a designated mucus towel is somehow classy and fancy, and society went along with it. But they didn’t fool me. I don’t see much of a difference between using a handkerchief and using your hand to blow your nose and putting the phlegm directly into your pocket. If you have a runny nose, you should just grab a tissue and then throw it away. Handkerchiefs make no sense. You don’t wipe your ass and reuse the toilet paper the next time you have to shit. A handkerchief is essentially a glorified snot rag that you put back into your pocket after you blow your nose. And that’s fucking gross, bro.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Blowing Your Nose and Looking at It

You’re feeling a little sick and slightly stuffy. Your nose might be running too. You grab a Kleenex and blow your nose. And you look at it. You don’t really care what it looks like, but you always take a quick glance. It’s instinct, it’s habitual. It’s your snot. You know what it looks like. But you can’t help it…  blowing your nose and looking at it, everyone does it, and no one knows why.

Critically Rated at 10/17

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Hand Lotion

Hand lotion is important. It keeps your hands from getting died out. In an arid climate, it’s a godsend. It’s always good to have hand lotion around. Just be careful where you leave it. If you’re a guy and you have your lotion next to a box of Kleenex, you are viewed as a pervert. There’s no way to avoid the situation. It looks like masturbating is your favorite hobby. Hand lotion and Kleenex should be at least five feet from each other at all times, or else people will talk.

Critically Rated at 11/17

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