Tag Archives: door

Door Code

My roommates and I have an unwritten door policy. We leave our bedroom doors wide open if we are feeling social. That means we are welcome to walk right on in and have a party. We have them closed halfway or slightly ajar if we want a little bit of privacy. That means we knock once or twice to announce our presence before entering the room. If our doors are opened just a crack, that means you knock, call their name, and wait for approval before any further action. If there’s no response, there’s no entry. When the door is fully shut, it means do not disturb. Don’t knock, don’t come in, it is closed for a reason. We have nothing to hide until we do. The door code is key and crucial to avoiding conflicts with the roommates. An open door is an open invitation. A closed door means fuck off. It’s not that hard. I suggest you implement the door code in your household today. By the way, my roommate gave me the idea for this blog post. My door was closed at the time. Just text me next time, bro.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Open-Door

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Opening Doors with Overly Lotioned Hands

I got a little too much sun over the weekend and I got a little burnt. Now I’m starting to peel. I don’t like going out into public look reptilian, so I decided to put on some lotion. Then I put on a little more. Then some more after that. I put on too much because I couldn’t get enough grip on the doorknob to turn it. My hands were too moist. I was trapped in my room for couple of minutes until my hands were dry and fully functional. It took me twenty-nine years, but I’ve finally realized that opening doors with overly lotioned hands is nigh impossible. It’s best to leave the door slightly ajar before applying lotion (unless you’re thirteen years old and have a dirty magazine, in which case you should close the door and double check that it’s locked).

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

door-knob

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Crack in the Stall Door

I’m not a fan of pooping in public. I prefer the privacy and comfort of my own bathroom. Public restrooms are always dirty and gross, and there’s always an overly excessive crack in the stall door. You can see people and they can see you. It’s a uncomfortable feeling knowing that you’re being watched as you’re shitting, even if they only catch a glimpse of you. I don’t know why there are still cracks in stall doors. It’s 2014, you’d think that we would have solved this problem by now. It can’t be that hard to create a door that actually seals shut. Most doors can close all the way. But the public bathroom architects don’t care and continue to incorporate a gap into their plans for some reason. I think it’s because they are the ones watching you through the crack.
Critically Rated at 4/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Slamming the Door on Your Finger

Slamming the door on your fingers is painfully stupid. It hurts like a motherfucker, and you feel like an idiot because you know how they work, you’ve been opening and closing them your whole life. It only takes a split second to slam the door on your misplaced finger. You scream in agony and jump around trying to shake away the pain. You hope that you aren’t going to lose a fingernail because that makes a bad situation even worse. Not only does it hurt like a bitch, but everyone will also see your missing fingernail and ask you what happened, and you’ll spend the next few weeks telling your sob story to family, friends, and strangers. Slamming the door on your finger reminds you that there is no such thing as a safe routine, that sometimes the universe wants you to suffer.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Getting Locked Out

Getting locked out sucks. I’m letting a friend crash on my couch because I’m a swell guy like that. I gave him my only set of keys the other night because I had to work a night shift and he was going to hang out with some friends. He said he would be home before me. I didn’t think so, but I gave it to him anyway and told him I would call him when I was done with work. Work was slow so I got cut early, sent him a text saying I was done, and jumped on my train and started heading home. I got off at my stop, called him, and he said that he was ten minutes away. Perfect, just enough time to go to the liquor store and grab some beer, snacks, and ice cream. I got my supplies and went to my house and started waiting. And waiting. And waiting. My roommates weren’t there and my friend wasn’t answering his phone. I was locked out and there was no way to get in without a key. At first I was annoyed that he was late. Then I was kind of worried that something might have happened to him. Then I noticed that my ice cream was starting to melt and I got pissed. It took all my restraint from choking his light out when he finally sauntered up to the door after an hour, mumbling his apology. Sorries don’t turn back the clock. Sorries don’t unlock doors. Sorries don’t unmelt ice cream.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere

Neverwhere was a BBC show that Neil Gaiman wrote and later adapted into a novel, which later got adapted into a comic book. Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere is a comic adaptation of the novel. Gaiman wrote the novel, but Mike Carey wrote the comic with Glenn Fabry providing the art. It’s the story of Richard Mayhew, a regular guy with a regular life, who helps out a mysterious stranger and discovers the mysterious world of London Below.

Richard Mayhew has a boring job and a bossy fiancée. He can’t make any decisions for himself, that’s her job. The only time he defies her is to help hurt woman in the street. The hurt woman isn’t exactly from around here, she comes from London Below. The best way to describe London Below is that it’s made up of pieces from our world that got lost or went missing. That’s not a good way to describe it, but it is the best way.

The hurt woman is named Door, and she’s in trouble. Her family has been murdered, she has two assassins tracking her down, and she needs help. Richard helps her find the Marquis de Carabas, and he helps Door escape from the assassins (Croup and Vandemar).

Richard tries to go back to his old life and old routine, but there’s a problem. London Above seems to have forgotten him. His apartment is being shown to potential tenants, no one at the office can see him, his fiancée doesn’t recognize him. It’s as if he never existed.

Richard has to go back to London Below to find Door and recover his existence. After a few adventures and mishaps he finds Door and joins her on her journey to discover what happened to her family and why. A legendary warrior named Hunter joins their posse to act as Door’s bodyguard.

There’s a whole bunch of stuff that they have to do, there’s a lot of hoops to jump through, a bunch of crazy characters with hidden agendas that they have to deal with. London Below is a rich, dense, chaotic and confusing world, and it’s a joy to explore.

Richard Mayhew learns more about himself in London Below than he ever did in his real life. So in the end, when the conflict has been resolved, and he’s back in his routine, he feels hollow. How can you survive the fantastic and return the mundane and be satisfied? You can’t be content with mediocrity after a magic mission like he experienced. So he finds a way back to London Below, his new home.

The comic cuts out a lot of stuff. They had to; the story is way too dense to be crammed into a nine issue series. They changed a few things here and there, but it’s a pretty faithful adaptation overall. You can tell that Mike Carey is fan of Neil Gaiman. He takes time and puts a lot of care and effort into converting a dense novel into comic book form. I’ve never done that, but I imagine it’s a difficult task.

The art is awesome. The story is awesome. Neil Gaiman is awesome. Mike Carey is awesome at trying to be Neil Gaiman. This is a decent comic, but the book is better.

Critically Rated at 11/17

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