Tag Archives: snake

Snakeskin Pants

Once upon a time, about eleven years ago or so, I was invited to an ’80s party. That’s when you dress up in attire from the wonderful decade known as the 1980s. I didn’t have anything that could pass off as ‘80s, so I went to the thrift store. I found a pair of snakeskin pants for forty bucks. I bought them. I wore them to the party and received plenty of compliments (as I should have). If there was a contest, I would have won that shit. I’m not trying to brag, I’m simply trying to stress how amazing my pants were. My pants are still amazing in fact. I still have them and I rock them every so often when the situation calls for them. I wore them for Halloween this year for instance. I was an ‘80s zombie rock star.

I live in San Francisco and there’s always an occasion for wacky clothing. We have Bay to Breakers, Hardly Strictly, and random street fairs. Every true San Franciscan has some absurd clothing in their wardrobe. I have a leather trench coat, a shiny green silk shirt, and a camouflage Snuggie for instance. But my snakeskin pants are still the reigning champ of my absurd wardrobe. I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Random Rants

Legless Lizards

Legless lizards are lizards with no legs. They look exactly like snakes. But scientists insist that they are legless lizards. A legless lizard is different from a snake because they either have eyelids, external ear holes, or a lack of broad belly scales. But I think that the scientists are just being stubborn. If it looks like a snake, it’s a snake. Let’s not complicate things with mere technicalities.

But if legless lizards do exist, we should do something to help them. I mean they have no legs. They can’t move very far or very fast. Maybe we should all invest in prosthetic lizard legs or lizard wheel chairs. If everybody picked up just one legless lizard each day, and carried them just a few feet, we could make the world a better place. For the legless lizards and for all of us.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Simpsons Tapped Out Whacking Day Upload

Just when you thought that Tapped Out couldn’t get more addicting, they released the Whacking Day upload. It’s a welcome homage to a classic episode, but there is way too much shit going on. You normally just have to click on stationary objects to get money and XP. Now you have to click on moving targets. That’s way too much hand eye coordination for a casual gamer such as myself. You click on snakes and snake eggs and eventually you unlock more shit. You feel a vague sense of accomplishment when you accomplish a mission, then you get a new assignment and the cycle continues. It’s the same old Tapped Out, but it’s snake related. And you can say you were whacking off on your break without feeling dirty.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Entertainment