Some people have a big problem with riding backwards while traveling. They just can’t do it. It makes them sick for some reason. It makes them nauseous and they feel like they have to throw up. Sometimes they do. I feel bad for those people. Their seating choices are limited. Half the seats on the bus or train are unavailable to them. They either have to stand or risk puking on a stranger if they can’t face the right direction. It’s no way to live your life. I’m glad that I don’t have any problems with riding backwards while traveling. I don’t get motion sickness. If I throw up on the guy next to me, it’s because I’m drunk or bored.
Critically Rated at 7/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Riding Backwards While Traveling
Filed under Random Rants
Tuesday Noon Sirens
San Francisco conducts a test of the Outdoor Warning System every Tuesday at noon. It’s always good for a laugh because it freaks out the tourists and the noobs. An SF Native can always tell what day of the week it is when the sirens start blaring. It’s a routine, it’s something to be expected. It’s like a weekly fire alarm that you learn to ignore. In fact, if I was a terrorist I would attack on a Tuesday right around noon. I would do it just before noon, at 11:59, so that the locals would know something is amiss. I’m not trying to give Al Qaeda any ideas, I’m just trying to point out the folly of a routine alarm. We just can’t pay attention to it so it loses its effectiveness. The city would never know if there was a disaster if it happened around noon on a Tuesday. They’ve been conditioned to dismiss it. Thousands of lives would be lost if an earthquake or a tsunami had an impeccable sense of timing.
Critically Rated at 12/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Making Eye Contact With a Stranger
Everyday you see thousands of people and never give them a second thought. We treat everyone like everybody’s a part of the background, a part of the scenery. We ignore each other and act oblivious to each other’s existence. Can you remember what the person sitting next to you on the bus this morning looks like? She sat next to you for thirty minutes and you can’t remember a single detail about her. It’s like all of society has made an agreement to tune each other out. But every once in a while you’ll slip up and make eye contact with a stranger. Most people are embarrassed and apologize by glancing downward and looking away. Some people keep staring. Those people are creepers. Sometimes you can’t help but making repeated eye contact with the same stranger. You’ll be on the train when it’s crowded and end up locking eyes with a bald guy off and on for a couple of minutes until it clears out a bit and you can sit down and avoid facing him. Making eye contact with a stranger can be awkward but you shouldn’t let it. After all, everyone you know was once a stranger right? But you have to pick your moments. Sometimes that stranger is a serial killer, so be careful who you’re looking at.
Critically Rated at 8/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
What’s the Wi-Fi?
I’ve been a server for more than eight years and I’ve noticed a big change in society. There was once a time when the most common request was for a side of ranch or a few more napkins. Now the most common request is for the Wi-Fi password. The shift started a few years ago, when the iPhone and other smart phones started gaining in popularity. That’s when a lot of restaurants and coffee houses started offering free Wi-Fi to attract all the hipsters. It became commonplace to Instagram your meal before taking a bite. And you weren’t really there until you checked in on Foursquare. I thought that smartphones were bad enough, but then Apple introduced the iPad and ushered in the tablet era. Now a family of four will come in, wait for a table for forty-five minutes, sit down in a booth, order food and drinks, ask for the Wi-Fi password, and sit hypnotized by glowing screens attached to their hands and completely ignoring each other for the next sixty minutes. Well, that’s not entirely true… they won’t talk to each other, but they will like each other’s posts on Facebook. I love the internet. I love technology. But it’s no substitute for actual human interaction.
Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Social Butterfly
A social butterfly is a person who can talk to and relate to anyone. They are friendly and personable and instantly likable. It’s a skill that can’t be taught. A social butterfly can strike up a conversation with a complete stranger and they’ll be acting like they’ve known each for years within a few minutes. They float around between different social circles and bring everybody together for awesome parties. They make awesome politicians. The only downside to having so many friends is that it’s hard to form deep and long-lasting friendships. But social butterflies are never bored, they are never lonely, and they always know the place to be. I wish I was a social butterfly and not just writing about them.
Critically Rated at 13/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Talking to Your Pet Like It’s Going to Respond
It’s easy to make fun of people who talk to their dog or cat like it’s going to talk back. You see it all the time. Someone will take out a leash and ask Rex if he’s ready for his walk. They ask Spot if he’s hungry. You can call them crazy. You can call them lonely. But you’re being hypocritical because everyone talks to their pet like it’s going to respond. You ask them questions and then you ask them follow-up questions. You tell them your plans for the day. You might even ask them for advice. Talking to your pet like it’s going to respond is one of the insane things that everybody does. Maybe it’s normal to be crazy sometimes. That doesn’t change the fact that Fido will never talk back.
Critically Rated at 9/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Nodding at the Bus Driver
Nodding at the bus driver is a simple way of acknowledging his existence. And that’s a good thing to do, especially since you are putting your life in his hands. That simple act of recognition goes a long way. Your bus driver is not a machine. Your bus driver is a person and a person deserves to be treated with a little respect. You can even go a step further and say hello. You might even ask how they are doing. I was brought up thinking that saying thanks to the bus driver was normal. I don’t even think that’s being polite, it’s just automatic. Nodding at the bus driver should be a reflex. But that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore and that’s sad.
Critically Rated at 13/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Picking Up Dog Shit
Dogs are a lot of fun. They make great companions. They love to play, they show affection, and they offer comfort and support when you need it the most. But you have to clean up after them and I’m personally not a big fan of picking up dog shit. If you walk your dog in a public place, you’re supposed to pick up their poop with a little plastic bag. The bag keeps your hands clean, but you can still feel the warmth and texture of the feces in your palm and that’s usually enough to make you gag. And your dog watches you scoop it up with a smirk on his face because he knows that you’re the bitch and he’s the master. It’s hard to feel good about yourself when you have a handful of dog shit.
Critically Rated at 5/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
New Dogtown Pale Ale
New Dogtown is a pale ale from Petaluma’s Lagunitas Brewing Company. It’s a pretty standard American pale ale. It’s hoppy, it’s malty, and it’s delicious. It has a floral and citric nose with prevalent hops. It has a bready malt taste, it’s kind of sweet, but it’s balanced by bitter pine and citric hops. There’s a slight hint of caramel, resin, and flowers. It’s 6.2% alcohol, pretty standard for a craft brewed pale ale. Overall New Dogtown is a very satisfying pale ale. It’s not too complex but it’s not boring either. This is what you should expect from a pale ale. It’s a great template/standard and you should compare other pale ales to this one. It’s hard for Lagunitas to do any wrong.
Critically Rated at 14/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Drinks
Application Survey Questionnaires
Job hunting sucks, and Application Survey Questionnaires are a big reason why. It’s not enough to have a resume with years of experience with a nice cover letter anymore. Now a lot of businesses have an Application Survey Questionnaire that you’re required to fill out. They’ll ask you a series of questions about whether or not you consider yourself to be a leader, if you are willing to take directions and criticism, and how you feel about personal problems in a professional environment. It’s filled with tricks and traps designed to reveal your real personality and your character flaws. They’ll ask the same question a few different ways though out the survey in the hopes that you’ll answer it wrong at least once. It’s a bureaucratic way to sift through hundreds of applications, and lots of potential candidates are rejected because they don’t take tests well. And they are time consuming, so you’ll spend forty minutes filling out an application for a job you know you won’t get because you suck at Application Survey Questionnaires. I consider myself lucky because I already have a job (I’m just looking for a second one). I’m not feeling the pressure of a real job hunt. To all those on the job hunt: I wish you well, it’s a jungle out there.
Critically Rated at 3/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
If It’s Yellow, Let It Mellow
I’m staying on a couch at the moment and had to take a piss at three in the morning, but I didn’t want to wake anybody up. I tiptoed down the hall, I slowly opened the door, quietly turned the knob, and aimed for the side of the bowl to avoid making noise. Then I stood there for about five minutes deciding whether or not to flush the toilet. If I flushed it, then all my attempts at stealth would go down the drain. If I left it, they might think that I’m a rude houseguest. I didn’t know what to do until I remembered the old adage: If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down. There are other variants like If it’s pee, let it be, but the message is the same: urine can stay in the bowl, but you gotta flush the shit. So I didn’t flush, and if they were wondering why not, that’s why. They didn’t wake up though, so I regret nothing.
Critically Rated at 10/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
A Yearbook
A yearbook is a collection of uncomfortable portraits and cheesy quotes that are used to commemorate a school year. Most school will publish a yearbook annually with the all the names and pictures of their students and faculty members. They will also list all the clubs, sports teams, and extracurricular activities, and typically include a recap of the biggest new stories from that time. Traditionally you get your friends and favorite teachers to sign your yearbook and write you a little message. Then you stash it away and forget about it for a few years until you open it one night when you’re feeling a little nostalgic. You’ll end up regretting it. You’ll feel guilty about forgotten friendships. You’ll mourn old friends who have passed away. You’ll see how young you once were and that always makes you feel old. The older the yearbook is, the more it will make you cringe. It’s fun to reminisce but you can’t help but notice how awkward you were.
Critically Rated at 9/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Playing Fetch With An Obsessive Dog
My sister has a Boston Terrier that doesn’t know how to sit still. He’s constantly running around and getting into trouble. You have to play with him or he gets too restless. A restless Boston Terrier is a destructive Boston Terrier. So we throw a ball for him, he tracks it down, he brings it back, and he makes you throw it again. And again, and again, and again. Playing fetch with an obsessive dog just makes your arm sore and leaves your hands covered with canine slobber. You’ll wash your hands and he’ll make you throw the ball again. It’s a game that never ends and there’s never a winner. No matter how many times you throw it, he’ll always expect you to throw it one more time. And you’ll always cave in and throw it. The game never ends, it just goes on hiatus so that everyone can sleep for a few hours.
Critically Rated at 12/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Sitting On The Cooler
I spent last Sunday watching football at my friend’s house. It was a playoff game, and we had about twenty people crammed into a living room. Every single seat available was taken. Every spot on the couch was occupied, every folding chair was claimed, and a few people had to stand or sprawl out on the floor. One of our friends arrived too late to grab a seat, so he improvised by grabbing the cooler and using it as a seat. He thought it was a good idea, but he very quickly realized that he made a mistake. He would have to stand up every time somebody wanted another beer. And people tend to drink a lot of beer while watching football. He had to get up every couple of minutes whenever somebody was thirsty. He eventually got so annoyed that he ended up sitting on the floor next to the cooler. The cooler seat is the last place you want to sit at party or get-together. You won’t be able to sit comfortably for an extended period of time and that’s the hallmark of any good seat. Avoid sitting on the cooler. It seems like a good idea, but it’s you’ll end up regretting it every time.
Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Don’t Know What You Got Till It’s Gone
I’ve been living comfortably in the same apartment in San Francisco for more than six years. I have my own room, I live right by Golden Gate Park, I have access to public transportation, and there are a lot of cool bars and restaurants by my pad. It’s my house, it’s my home. And now I’m faced with an eviction notice over some bullshit technicality and I only have a few days to move out. I’m not stressed about finding a place to stay. I’m just bummed that I might have to leave this spot. They say you don’t know what you got till it’s gone. I never knew how true those words were until today. I might have to leave my home. This place is a part of me. I’m not ready to say goodbye to it yet. And I hope I don’t have to. We’ll fight it. But it looks like I’ll be couch surfing for a little bit. Oh well.
Critically Rated at 5/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
Arachnophobia
Arachnophobia is a fear of spiders. It’s also a movie starring Jeff Daniels and John Goodman. The movie is so-so. The fear is far more interesting. Spiders are among the creepiest of crawlies, so it’s only natural to harbor a passionate hatred for them. Spiders walk along walls and cling to ceilings. They spin webs, have pincers, and inject humans with venom. They stalk you in the night and they can sense fear. They seem innocent enough but you just can’t trust them. Some people have tarantulas as pets and I don’t know why. They aren’t real pets. They can’t be domesticated. Cats can’t even be domesticated, but for some reason some jackoffs think that they can tame an arachnid. Spiders should be squashed, not celebrated.
Critically Rated at 5/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
Filed under Random Rants
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Commenting On a Really Old Facebook Picture
I checked my Facebook account earlier today and had a notification. A friend left a comment on an old picture of a summertime bonfire from 2009. It was really random. The picture was buried in one of several forgotten Facebook photo albums, which meant that she was looking through dozens of my pictures before finding that one and making a comment about it. She wasn’t even at the bonfire that night. There was no reason for her to comment on the picture at all. But she did. And it creeped me out so I deleted her. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Commenting on a really old Facebook picture makes you seem like a stalker. You shouldn’t have anything to say about a picture from the past that doesn’t involve you at all. So don’t do it and don’t let people do it to you. And call people out if you see them do it. It’s an epidemic that needs to be stopped. Together we can make a difference.
Critically Rated at 5/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
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