Tag Archives: crazy

Trapped on the Train with a Crazy Guy

I was taking the train to work this morning and there was a little bit of traffic in the underground. I got delayed in the tunnel for about ten minutes. That happens a few times a month and it’s not so bad as long as you’re not overly claustrophobic or scared of earthquakes. This morning was different because I was trapped on the train with a crazy guy. He was a white guy, probably in his late twenties, wearing a gray hoodie and he was banging on the doors and screaming for the train to move at the top of his voice. He wasn’t yelling for the driver to move the train. He was yelling at the actual train. The driver was in the first train car, and we were in the second. I don’t think the driver knew what was going on. The crazy guy would take occasional breaks from screaming to run up and down the length of the train. There were two other guys besides me in our car and we were all a few seats away from each other. We all made eye contact with each other, silently acknowledging that there was a crazy guy running amok and that we had each other’s backs in case the crazy guy got even crazier. Ten minutes stuck in a tunnel seems longer than ten minutes. It’s even longer with a crazy guy. I don’t recommend it. I waited it out and the train eventually moved, the doors opened, I went to work, and the crazy guy stormed off to presumably find another inanimate object to yell at. Just another day in the city.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Talking to Your Pet Like It’s Going to Respond

It’s easy to make fun of people who talk to their dog or cat like it’s going to talk back. You see it all the time. Someone will take out a leash and ask Rex if he’s ready for his walk. They ask Spot if he’s hungry. You can call them crazy. You can call them lonely. But you’re being hypocritical because everyone talks to their pet like it’s going to respond. You ask them questions and then you ask them follow-up questions. You tell them your plans for the day. You might even ask them for advice. Talking to your pet like it’s going to respond is one of the insane things that everybody does. Maybe it’s normal to be crazy sometimes. That doesn’t change the fact that Fido will never talk back.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Kajacks

I live in San Francisco and rely on public transportation to get around. That means I get to deal with a lot of crazy people. Like batshit insane. The other day a lady got on the train and made her presence known by asking everyone about kajacks. She stood up and said in a high-pitched voice, “Do you know what the kajacks are? I know what a kajack is.” She then proceeded to sing a song about kajacks, first in English and then in French. She sang nonstop for about five minutes and then suddenly stopped and said, “You can have that for free if you want to buy it.” Then she jumped off the train and out of my life. Now I’ll never know what a kajack is or what they do. I’m not sure I want to know. There’s something intriguing about unsolved mysteries. And maybe she wasn’t even crazy. Maybe kajacks do exist and normal people just can’t experience them. Either way I will never forget that crazy bitch and I’ll be quoting her until the day I die. Do you know what the kajacks are? I know what a kajack is…. You can have that for free if you want to buy it. It’s almost like poetry. Just because she’s crazy doesn’t mean she’s not brilliant.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Seeing Things in the Corner of your Eye

Sometimes when you’re tired or drunk you’ll see something out of the corner of your eye, but there’s nothing there when you look at it directly. It doesn’t matter how fast you snap your head to take a look; you aren’t going to see anything if there’s nothing there. Seeing things in the corner of your eye will make you think that either going crazy or being haunted. And if you think you’re haunted then you’re crazy. I don’t mind being crazy, but I really don’t like seeing things that in the corner of my eye that aren’t there. If I see something, I expect it to be real. Quit fucking around, brain.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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