Tag Archives: spider

Spider in Your Shoe

I went to the park a few days ago. The weather was kind of shitty so I decided to wear a pair of old shoes from the bottom of my closet instead of my everyday kicks. It had been a while since I had worn them last, so I gave them a good shake before I put them on. It’s a good thing I did that, because a dead spider fell out when I shook them. It freaked the hell out of me. I’m not really scared of spiders but finding a spider in my shoe has always been a minor fear of mine. I’m so glad that it was a dead spider and not a live one. Fuck that. I’m actually kind of surprised that finding spiders in shoes doesn’t happen more often. Spiders like dark remote places and a shoe seems like it would be a nice comfortable cave to inhabit. I mean I would live in a shoe if I was a spider. Spinning a web takes a long time and seems like hard work. I’d rather take up space in a forgotten sneaker. But I’m not a spider in a shoe. I’m a person, a person who doesn’t want spiders in my shoes. And I hope that you never find a spider in your shoe too because I like you. You read my blog. And not many people do, so thank you for that. You definitely deserve spider-free shoes.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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The Spider In My Sheets

A few years ago I woke up with a bug bite on the side of my neck. I didn’t think much of it until I woke up the next morning with another new bug bite on my cheek. That’s when I knew something was wrong. It didn’t take me long to find out what was attacking me. I pulled back my comforter and discovered a fat brown spider had taken up residence in between my top sheet and the comforter. That little fucker was feasting on my flesh while I slept. Most of the time I capture any stray spiders or insects with a cup and throw them out the window. I didn’t do that this time. I got a piece of tissue, picked that bastard up, and squished him. I had to kill him. He deserved it. I don’t feel any remorse, that fucker brought it on himself. I still check between the sheets before going to bed to this day. I’m not scared, just a little wary. You would be too if you ever had a spider in your bed.

Critically Rated at 4/17

wolf spider

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Anansi Boys (book)

Anansi Boys is a 2005 fantasy novel by Neil Gaiman. It is a sequel of sorts to American Gods, but it’s more of a connection than a continuation. American Gods has a character named Mr. Nancy and Anansi Boys is about Mr. Nancy’s two sons. The main character is Charles Nancy, who given the terrible nickname of Fat Charlie by his father. Fat Charlie grew up resenting his father and has willingly lost contact with him. One day he finds out that his father is dead and that Fat Charlie has a brother. Fat Charlie is shocked to learn that his father was actually a god named Anansi, a spider-like trickster and a storyteller. Fat Charlie also finds out that his long lost brother is also a god named Spider. Fat Charlie and Spider have a mini family reunion, but Spider quickly disrupts Fat Charlie’s life and nothing will ever be the same again.

Fat Charlie makes a shady pact with another god in order to get Spider out of his life once and for all. But that deal backfires and sets the plot in motion. Fat Charlie learns about gods and the family business and the power of stories. I don’t even want to go into any more details than that because this novel takes you places that you didn’t think you were going to. All I can say is that Neil Gaiman has a way of making the fantastic seem completely plausible and that Anansi Boys will blow your mind.

It’s not as good as American Gods. But if you liked American Gods, you’ll still enjoy Anansi Boys. If you’ve never read either, start with Anansi Boys because it will whet your appetite. Every character, every paragraph, every line has a meaning and a purpose. You can’t read a Neil Gaiman book once. You might appreciate it after one reading, but you won’t understand it until you reread it.  You should probably read it at least three times to pick up all the nuances and subtle uses of foreshadowing. This is a great book and another triumph from Neil Gaiman.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Arachnophobia

Arachnophobia is a fear of spiders. It’s also a movie starring Jeff Daniels and John Goodman. The movie is so-so. The fear is far more interesting. Spiders are among the creepiest of crawlies, so it’s only natural to harbor a passionate hatred for them. Spiders walk along walls and cling to ceilings. They spin webs, have pincers, and inject humans with venom. They stalk you in the night and they can sense fear. They seem innocent enough but you just can’t trust them. Some people have tarantulas as pets and I don’t know why. They aren’t real pets. They can’t be domesticated. Cats can’t even be domesticated, but for some reason some jackoffs think that they can tame an arachnid. Spiders should be squashed, not celebrated.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Spider on the Wall

I’m not arachnophobic or anything, but that spider on the wall has got to go. He’s slowly creeping along, acting like he owns the place. This is my room and you are not welcome here. You’re always making spider webs in the ceiling corners and in my closet. I don’t even know how one spider can make so many webs. So fuck you, spider on the wall. I could trap you with a cup and a piece of paper and set you free outside, but I prefer squishing you with a piece of toilet paper and leaving your guts smeared on my wall as a warning to your eight legged brethren.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Walking into a Spider Web

I’m not afraid of spiders. I don’t want them crawling on me or biting me or anything, but I’m not arachnophobic. My spellcheck says arachnophobic isn’t a word, but it should be. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, I’m not scared of spiders. But walking into a spider web is one of the worst feelings in the world. It’s a creepy feeling to get touched by something invisible. You can’t see what’s attacking you; you just feel little ghost strands clinging to your skin.

Critically Rated at 4/17

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