Monthly Archives: June 2013

June 13, 2013 · 10:15 am

Forgetting Why You Requested Time Off

Every once in a while when my work schedule is posted, I’ll notice that I have a few consecutive days off. I work 5-6 days a week, so that usually means that I requested the time off for something. But I don’t always remember why I requested it off. My boss requires a few weeks notification for time off requests, and I don’t have a planner/datebook/calendar to keep track of important dates, and Facebook usually handles my appointments, so it will occasionally slip my mind if there’s not an FB event for it. But Facebook can still come to the rescue for when you forget why you request time off. All you have to do is make a status and say: “I requested July 5-8 off, and I can’t remember why.” Before you know it, you’ll have five responses reminding you about the camping trip that you planned at the bar. And it’s like a bonus vacation from your drunk self. Forgetting why you requested time off sucks, but at least you have time off now. Even if you can’t remember what you were supposed to do, you could always do something else instead. A vacation is a vacation, and a vacation always beats work.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 13, 2013 · 10:12 am

Anchor California Lager

California Lager is another delicious offering from the Anchor Brewing Company in San Francisco. They are best known for Anchor Steam, but I think California Lager has the potential to usurp its position as the brewery’s flagship beer. People like lagers and people like California, so it’s only fitting that they would be enticed by a lager from California that’s called California Lager. It has a 4.9% alcohol content, which is in the average range for lagers.  It’s crisp and refreshing, and hoppier than most lagers. It tastes kind of like Stella Artois, but with more of an attitude. It’s a great day beer, ideal for hot summer days and backyard barbeques. I like it. And you’ll like it too if you’re a fan of good beer.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 12, 2013 · 9:10 am

Emperor Norton

You can be anything you want to be in San Francisco and people will go along with it. One guy took it to the extreme and proclaimed himself to be the Emperor of the United States (and Protector of Mexico). Joshua Abraham Norton moved to the city by the bay in 1849, and by 1859 he had lost all his money and went a little crazy. Rather than do the reasonable thing and killing himself, he wrote a letter declaring himself to be the Emperor of the United States and it was published by several city newspapers. Instead of simply ignoring him, the city embraced him and mutually decided that if the crazy guy wants to be the Emperor, he can be the Emperor. He strolled the streets in a donated blue uniform, and when it became too worn and raggedy the city bought him a replacement. He ate for free at the best restaurants, was always reserved a seat for the newest play or concert, and was known all around the city and the world. He made his own money and businesses actually accepted it. He prohibited the use of “Frisco” and anyone caught saying it had to pay a $25 fine. He proposed a League of Nations and a bridge spanning the gap between SF and Oakland, decades before the United Nations and the Bay Bridge became a reality. He believed in diplomacy and equality, and stopped a potential race war between the white citizens and the Chinese immigrants. He even tried to abolish the Democratic and Republican parties. He might have been crazy, but he was still a visionary.

            A cop once arrested him for being legally insane. The city didn’t take kindly to that and he was soon released. The police chief issued an apology stating, “He had shed no blood; robbed no one; and despoiled no country; which is more than can be said of his fellows in the line.” From that day on, all of the SF policemen would salute him whenever they saw him. On January 8, 1880, Emperor Norton collapsed in the street and passed away before help arrived. He died in complete poverty, with only a few bucks to his name and some random Emperor-related nick-nacks. But over 30,000 people went to his funeral, so you can’t say that he died with nothing. He became a legend, an icon, and a celebrated symbol of San Francisco. Emperor Norton had a fascinating life, but I’m worried that his legacy is fading. Not enough people know about him these days. He has one hell of a story, and it would make a great movie or miniseries. Hollywood needs to get on that. Norton: The Compelling True Story of a Guy Who Wanted to be Emperor and the City That Let Him. And it should star Edward Norton (for obvious reasons).

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 12, 2013 · 9:08 am

Jarritos Mexican Cola

If you’ve ever gone to a real burrito place or taco shop, then you’re probably familiar with Jarritos, the popular soda brand from Mexico. They make a lot of fruit flavored sodas, but they also make cola, specifically Mexican Cola. They use real sugar, and it creates a more authentic cola taste. It’s sweeter than Coke and it’s less acidic. I want to say that it’s better than Coke, but brand loyalty won’t let me admit it. Let’s just say that if I had a choice between a can of Coke or a bottle of Jarritos, I would choose the Jarritos. But if it were a choice between Jarritos or a bottle of Mexican Coke made with real cane sugar, I would choose the Coke. Either way, Mexico wins. But the real winner is real sugar. High-fructose corn syrup is not an adequate substitute.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 11, 2013 · 9:22 am

Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist

Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist is a 2008 comedy about two teenagers searching for love and their drunken friend on a crazy night in New York City. Michael Cera is Nick and Kat Dennings is Norah, and together they are Nick & Norah, and they have an infinite playlist. Nick has recently been dumped by his girlfriend, Tris (played by Alexis Dziena) and spends his days making mix CDs in an attempt to win her back. What he doesn’t know is that Tris simply throws them away. Norah has never met Nick, but she appreciates his taste in music and rescues his mix CDs from the trash. She has a slight crush on Nick because of this, even though she’s never met him.

            Nick’s two gay bandmates are tired of him moping around and they drag him out for a night on the town when they find out that his favorite band is playing a secret show somewhere in the city. Norah also finds out about the show, and she recruits her friend, Caroline (Ari Graynor), to help her track down the band. All the main characters end up at the same club, and Tris starts giving Norah grief for showing up alone. Norah lies and says that she’s there with her boyfriend to save face. Then she asks Nick to pretend to be her boyfriend and kisses him, unaware that this is the same guy that has been sending all those mixes to Tris. The gay bandmates see this and decided to set up Nick with Norah. They offer to drive Caroline home (who is now super drunk), so that Norah and Nick can get to know each other while they look for the secret show.

            Nick starts the night obsessing over Tris, but he gradually starts noticing Norah. Norah has a guy on the side (Jay Burachel) that complicates things a bit. Nick and Norah spend the night together getting to know each other, and naturally the bandmates somehow lose Caroline, and they have to search for her drunk ass and find clues as to where the band is going to play. Tris is now jealous of Norah and spends the rest of the night trying to get Nick’s attention. Will Nick and Norah end up together? Will they ever find the drunk girl? Will they ever find the secret gig?

The acting is so-so. It’s yet another Michael Cera film where he plays Michael Cera. Kat Dennings looks like she’s about to fall asleep at any moment. She looks bored even when she’s smiling. I have to give credit to Ari Graynor playing the blacked out Caroline. She has some of the best moments in the film, and she drives the story in a lot of ways.

This is a pretty serviceable high school movie, but it’s really not that good. There are a few things that bug me. First of all, the main characters are all in high school, but the movie takes place entirely at night in New York City. And they go to a bunch of clubs looking for the band… those clubs can’t be cool if they let fucking 18-year-olds in. My biggest beef upon reflection is that Nick and Norah are both straight edge. They don’t drink or do drugs. That’s not a bad thing necessarily, but it annoys the shit out of me. It’s a teen comedy. Why are the two main characters sober? It’s preachy. It’s boring. It would never happen in real life. You can’t stay up all night in NYC unless you’re being fueled by something illegal.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 11, 2013 · 9:17 am

Neglected Drinks

If you’re a bartender or if you’ve ever hosted a party, you know all about neglected drinks. Neglected drinks are beers or cocktails that have been abandoned, either accidently or intentionally. Some are just a few swigs away from being finished, some of them have a few sips taken out of them, and some of them haven’t even been touched at all (which is the biggest crime of all). Alcohol is precious. It takes a lot of time to brew a beer or distill a spirit. So don’t waste it. If you don’t like it, give it to your drunk friend who will drink anything. You don’t need to set it down somewhere and pretend to forget about it. And if you’re already wasted, practice some self-control and stop ordering drinks if you can’t handle any more liquor. Neglected drinks need to stop. There are sober kids in China.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 10, 2013 · 9:20 am

X-Men: Age of Apocalypse (comic)

How much difference can one man make? Well, a lot, especially if we’re talking about Charles Xavier. Even if you’ve never read any X-Men comics or seen the movies, you still know that Charles Xavier is the leader of a group of mutants known as the X-Men. The Age of Apocalypse storyline explores what the world would be like without one of the key characters in the Marvel Universe. A time-traveling assassin goes back in time to when Magneto and Xavier are still friends, and tries to assassinate Magneto, but Xavier sacrifices himself to save his friend. Xavier dies and Magneto vows to keep Xavier’s dream of mutant and human harmony alive. With the death of Xavier, the immortal and evil mutant Apocalypse decides this is the perfect time to conquer the world.

            Things are definitely different without Xavier. The world has gone to shit. Most of your favorite characters have changed, some of them drastically. Like Wolverine isn’t Wolverine, he’s known as Weapon X and he’s missing a hand. And Cyclops is working for the bad guys. Age of Apocalypse isn’t just a comic; it’s a comic crossover, spanning multiple titles. You could track down and collect all of the individual issues, or you could just buy the 4-volume Complete Age of Apocalypse Epic trade paperback. With so many different titles and issues, there is obviously a lot of shit going on and it’s pretty overwhelming at first. The story goes all over the place and there are quite a few unnecessary subplots. It takes a lot of time to introduce characters and set up the plot, and it gradually gets more coherent. You’ll still be scratching your head over some plot holes and developments, but the overall story is satisfying.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 10, 2013 · 9:17 am

Ruffles Ultimate Kickin’ Jalapeño Ranch

Ruffles chips are good, but they are boring. They realized that they weren’t extreme enough, so the suits got together and created Ruffles Ultimate, and they came up with a few hardcore flavors for your hardcore hunger. And Kickin’ Jalapeño Ranch is one of those hardcore flavors. It’s has a cool, creamy ranch taste, and the jalapeño flavor gives it a kick (maybe that’s why it’s kickin’). The jalapeño sneaks up on you. You won’t think it’s that spicy until it hits you a few chips in. It tastes pretty good by itself, you don’t need any dip. I don’t think they are strong enough to handle dip. They look sturdy but they break easily.  They have a nice crunch to them, but they leave residue on your fingers. They are worth trying, but I don’t think it’s going to dominate the market any time soon.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 9, 2013 · 9:52 am

Adventureland

Adventureland is a 2009 comedy about a college grad who takes a summer job at theme park called Adventureland. Jesse Eisenberg stars as James Brennan, who had dreams about going to Europe for the summer and going to Columbia University in the fall, but things fall through and he ends up taking a shitty seasonal job at the local amusement park. He’s the new guy and Joel (Martin Starr) takes him under his wing and introduces him to his coworkers and shows him the ropes. He meets a bunch of new people and starts crushing on a girl named Em (Kristen Stewart). They start hanging out, they share a kiss, but things are complicated because she’s having an ongoing affair with another coworker named Connell. Connell (Ryan Reynolds) is the park technician and an amateur musician, and he pretends to be cooler than he is. James is the only one who sees through his charade, but he never calls him out for his bullshit.

            It’s kind of like a high school comedy, except that instead of being about a high school student, it’s about a college graduate trying to lose his virginity and finding true love in the process. Of course nothing is that simple and hilarity ensues. And no matter how outrageous it gets at times, it’s still honest. It was written and directed by Greg Mottola (Superbad), You can tell it was a personal project for him. It’s period piece set in 1987, around the time when Mottola would be the same age as his characters. It kind of reminds me of Waiting… It’s about a bunch of crazy people working at a crazy place, and Ryan Reynolds plays a cocky guy with insecure tendencies in both. It’s quirky but sincere, and it’s smarter than it pretends to be.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 9, 2013 · 9:48 am

Your Friend’s Annoying Girlfriend

You’re bored and have the day off, so you start going through your contacts looking for someone to hang out with. You come across the number of a friend that you haven’t seen in a while, and you’re about to call him when you suddenly remember his annoying girlfriend and you realize you’d rather stay home on a Saturday night than deal with her bitch ass. Everybody has a good friend that they don’t ever want to hang out with because of his lame girlfriend who can’t keep her mouth shut. She will constantly start bullshit arguments with you, and she expects her boyfriend to take her side (and he does, because pussy does that to you). She always has to interject and voice her opinion about something she doesn’t know anything about. You just want to grab a brew, watch the game, and catch up, but she’s intent on destroying your friendship for some twisted reason that’s known only to her. Most of your friends have cool girlfriends, but there’s always one Super Cunt who has a life ambition to prevent people from having fun. You wonder what your friend sees in her. Then you notice her rack. That’s why.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 8, 2013 · 8:17 am

Harry Potter Books Ranked in Descending Order

Harry Potter is awesome, but some of the books are better than others. Here is my Critically Rated Harry Potter countdown.

#7: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. This is the second book and it’s a little bit darker than the first one, but it’s still a kid’s book at this point. Voldemort is in it, but it’s just a teenaged version of him that was trapped in a diary. He’s not that formidable, and he hasn’t returned to power yet. It might not deserve to be the worst one, but I’ve got to start somewhere.

            #6: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s/Philosopher’s Stone. This is the book that started it all. First time readers might be amazed by how innocent Harry Potter is. He doesn’t know anything about being a wizard and he gets introduced to a magical world and we get to explore it with him. It sets everything up, it introduces a lot of the main characters in the HP universe. It transcends being a mere kid’s book, but it’s still a kid’s book.

#5: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. This is a dark story, but it’s still a kid’s book. You start to see the potential of Harry Potter. You have the Dementors and the main introduction of Sirius Black. Voldemort is not the main threat, and they have a ridiculous time traveling subplot that takes away from the overall quality of the third installment.

#4: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. The sixth book is just a set-up for the seventh book, and it’s pretty apparent upon reading it. Nothing much happens, except for a lot of backstory about Voldemort and the fact that Dumbledore dies. It seems like a step back in the series and it is.

            #3: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. This is the book where you learn how vast and expansive the Wizarding World is. You catch a glimpse of the Quidditch World Cup, you get to meet students from other wizard schools, and you start to see how Harry is different from his peers. Plus Voldemort returns to power and the series shifts into a darker gear.

#2: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. This is the fifth book and the longest one of the series. J.K. Rowling goes into great depth and Harry accomplishes a lot in this book. He steps up, he’s actively trying to defeat Voldemort. He’s pretty much accepted his fate at this point. He realizes that he’s done more than most, and he starts to pass off what he’s learned to his fellow students. He becomes a force to be reckoned with, as evidenced by the battle at the Ministry of Magic. The book is highlighted by the epic battle between Dumbledore and Voldemort.

            #1: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. This is the final installment of the HP series and a beyond-satisfying conclusion to the saga. It goes back to the beginning and reminds you about everything you love about Harry Potter. It answers all the questions and wraps everything up in a pretty little package. The last book provides the most answers, and when you finish reading it, you don’t regret anything about sacrificing a good portion of your life following the exploits of a fictional character.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 8, 2013 · 8:12 am

The Eleventh Hour

The eleventh hour is an expression referring to the last possible minute to do something. The eleventh hour is your last chance to accomplish something before the day is over and your time is up. Some people look at it as a deadline or as an obstruction. It’s really a challenge, a motivation to get the job done. Nobody wants to fail. And when the clock is ticking, some people falter and others rise to the occasion. I prefer the latter. This post was written in the eleventh hour. I didn’t know what else to write about, so I chose an obscure phrase to describe my predicament. But it worked and now I can rest easy knowing that I wrote another blog that nobody will ever read.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 7, 2013 · 10:02 am

Superman: Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow? (comic)

Superman is the most important comic book character of all time. He basically launched the comics industry and became a global phenomenon. He transcends the page; he’s an icon, a symbol. But how does his story end? Well, we got to find out back in 1986 when DC decided to simplify things and get rid of the multiverse and reboot their history. They brought in Alan Moore to write Superman’s final adventure of the Silver Age and bring his story to a close. Moore uses a framing device with a reporter interviewing an older Lois Lane about the last time she saw Superman, who has been missing for ten years and assumed dead. The story flashes back to Superman’s final days. Most of his major foes have been defeated and are out of the picture. But then they start coming back, and they are more twisted than ever before. They discover his secret identity and start attacking the people that Clark cares about most, some of them even die. Superman must find a way to save the day, and he does (cause he’s fucking Superman) but he pays the ultimate price.

            Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow? is one of the most important comics in Superman’s long history. It’s a good read for casual fans and it’s essential reading for comic nerds. There’s a trade paperback that contains both Superman #423 and Action Comics #583, and as a bonus they throw in two more standalone stories. The Jungle Line is about Superman suffering from a strange Kryptonian flu and getting saved by the Swamp Thing. And there’s another one called For the Man Who Has Everything, which is Superman’s “what if” story showing what his life on Krypton would have been like if it never blew up.

            So if you ever wondered how the saga of Superman would end, this is the story for you. It has This is Alan Moore at the top of his game working on a Superman story to end all Superman stories. It has great artwork too. Curt Swan’s sketches are brought to life by inkers George Pérez and Kurt Schaffenberger. My biggest complaint is that it’s too short. You start reading and it and BAM! It’s over and you were just getting into it. You don’t want it to end, and then it’s over before you know it. But it sticks with you. It’s a great way to say good-bye to Superman. Even though he never really went away… you know there’s a new Superman movie coming out?

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 7, 2013 · 9:59 am

Bloggers Who Don’t Know How to Write

We use words to communicate and that’s a powerful thing. In the old days you would write a letter to a friend, or you might jot things down in a journal. These days everybody just spews out the words in their heads onto the internet. Some people do it on Facebook, some people do it on Twitter, and some people create a blog. There is an ever-increasing number of bloggers who don’t know how to write. If you don’t know the difference between your and you’re, or if you don’t care, then you have no business blogging. A writer has a responsibility to know which words he is using and if they’re the right ones. I’m a blogger myself, and I blog more than most people. I know that that people make mistakes, accidents happen and everyone makes typos. But consistency is key, and if you’re constantly using the wrong words or misusing apostrophes, you need to stop what you’re doing, go back to second grade, find Mrs. Humphries, and ask her where you went wrong in life. How can you justify sharing your thoughts if you can’t even translate them correctly? I know it’s casual, but you still look stupid.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 6, 2013 · 9:52 am

Hubert’s Lemonade – Blackberry Lemonade

I’ve ever heard of Hubert or his lemonade until today, when I found it on display at the local corner store. It’s been around since 1935. I feel out of the loop. Better late than never, I guess. I see a lot of lemonades and strawberry lemonades and raspberry lemonades, but I never saw blackberry lemonade before so I had to try it. It’s sour and sweet, and slightly more bitter and acidic than raspberry lemonade. I like it. Hubert’s actually uses cane sugar as opposed to high-fructose corn syrup. You can taste the difference between this and Minute Maid. Minute Maid is crap. Hubert’s Lemonade tastes like something Grandma would make. Your grandma is hot, by the way. Look for the winking lemon smiley face the next time you go to the store.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 6, 2013 · 9:49 am

Forgetting About Your Laundry

You finally have a day off and a chance to wash that heap of dirty clothes in the corner of your room. You separate the colors and collect all the stray socks scattered around your room and throw it all in the washing machine. You’re not going to sit by the washer for thirty minutes, so you start doing a bunch of random things to kill time. You’ll tidy up around the house, you’ll watch TV, and surf the net. Then you’ll glance at the time and suddenly remember your laundry in a panic. It’s not a big deal if you have your own washer and dryer, but if you’re a schlub like me, you have to book it up to the Laundromat before someone throws your shit on the ground. Luckily, most of the time I realize that I forgot about it within a few minutes. But I know people who left their clothes at the Laundromat overnight. And then they had to buy a whole new wardrobe because all their clothes mysteriously vanished. That’s why you shouldn’t make a habit of forgetting about your laundry.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 5, 2013 · 10:00 am

“American Girl” by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

“American Girl” is one of the best songs of all time. That’s not even a debate. It’s a fact. It’s one of the best songs of all time. The more I repeat it, the more it’s true. It’s quintessential Tom Petty. It sums up his music and entire career in less than four minutes. It had a driving tempo, a signature guitar rift, and poetic lyrics that anybody can relate to. The lyrics can be complex: “God, it’s so painful when something that’s so close/Is still so far out of reach.” But they are also mind-numbingly simple and cliché: “Oh yeah/Alright.” The song basically represents Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. It came off their debut album, it never made the charts in the US, but it still became part of the soundtrack of our lives, whether you know it or not. It’s one of the most covered songs and a staple of garage bands around the world. It’s fun to play, it’s fun to sing, and it’s fun to listen to. It’s timeless. You can’t get sick of it. However, you can get sick from cunnilingus, just ask Michael Douglas.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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